O que é a micro-trapaça (e porque é que pode ser perigosa)

The thing with micro-cheating is that it’s very hard to detect. It is a form of traição emocional and it’s getting more and more common among people who like to leave their options open, even if they are already in a relationship.

Let’s first get to the real meaning of this trendy expression. According to psychologist Melanie Schilling, “Micro-cheating is a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship.”

Some people look at it as a form of betrayal and some as innocent flirting that is blown out of proportion. Why, flirting can be a part of nature for some people, it’s something fun they do without giving it any higher meaning.

Por outro lado, quem é que quereria ter uma relação com uma pessoa que:

1. Passa muito tempo a analisar e a investigar as contas das redes sociais de uma determinada pessoa
2. Enviar mensagens de texto a outra pessoa com emojis de amor
3. Nega que tem namorada/namorado
4. Essa pessoa tem um nome de código no seu telemóvel
5. Mantém contacto com o(a) ex ou vê o(a) ex nas suas costas
6. Confides in someone outside of your relationship about the things that should stay private or reserved for your partner’s ears only

While some people will discard the things listed above and try to justify their behavior, like justify that they haven’t kissed them, they haven’t had sex with them or anything like that, it still doesn’t feel right. Guardar segredos like that from your partner can’t be a good thing and it will most probably backfire. Nothing positive can happen when a person who is in a relationship has an obsession with somebody else. It can be really hurtful.
Innocent flirting, if it can be considered innocent, would consist of smiling here and there, making interesting conversation or liking each other’s posts. That is considered normal.

But anything beyond that can be a serious threat to your relationship. A person who engages in micro-cheating can form a strong emotional bond with somebody and that can be as hurtful to their partner as actual physical cheating. Being faithful to your partner means being entirely devoted, both body and mind. It doesn’t mean catching feelings for somebody else.

That’s why if you are overdoing anything, if you are hiding things from your partner, or feeling guilty about not sharing some things with him, you should completely stop what you are doing, for the sake of your relationship.

Pense no que o levou a fazer isso e se há algo que o está a fazer infeliz na sua relação. Are they any issues you need to discuss with your partner? Because the solution to your problems is never somebody outside of your relationship. It’s always about just two people. You can’t escape your problems, especially in this way, and you wouldn’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings.

Se suspeita que o seu parceiro pode estar envolvido em algo deste género, deve ter acontecido algo que plantou essa semente de dúvida na sua mente. O comportamento dele pode ter mudado, pode ter visto algumas mensagens ou um nome desconhecido no telemóvel dele que a fez pensar se haveria algo mais.

O importante aqui é não exagerar. Encare as coisas com calma. Porque, para começar, o seu parceiro pode estar a fazer isto apenas a um nível subconsciente. Ele pode não estar a fazer absolutamente nada, mas, por vezes, os ciúmes levam a melhor.
Fale com ele quando estiver calma, tranquila e controlada e pergunte-lhe porque é que ele está a fazer isso. Pergunte-lhe o que pensaria se as coisas fossem ao contrário e se descobrisse que se está a aproximar ou a viciar noutra pessoa que não ele. Diga-lhe que o comportamento dele a está a magoar e que gostaria muito que ele deixasse de fazer o que está a fazer. Não há nada tão poderoso como uma conversa aberta e honesta. Pode até resolver toda a situação.

Micro-cheating can be really devastating to your relationship if things go any further. Keeping secrets from your partner is never a good thing. Relationships are built on trust and respect and if they are non-existent, your relationship won’t be able to survive. So honesty really is the best policy.