A barreira: O método de tratamento silencioso de um narcisista perfeito

Stonewalling is not the same as the silent treatment, but they go hand in hand. Where there is one, there is the other. The silent treatment is usually very common in every person’s life.

You’ve seen it in your family, and you’ve had it with your friends. Usually, it’s not that destructive, and people use it when they are angry about something.

But giving the silent treatment doesn’t last forever, and in the end, the person who is angry gives in and decides to talk the problem through. Which brings us to the term “stonewalling’.

O que é a obstrução?

It’s the same as the silent treatment, but if it’s used by a toxic person, then it’s called stonewalling.

A pequena, mas ao mesmo tempo enorme, diferença é que a pessoa que o está a bloquear está a dar-lhe o tratamento de silêncio de propósito.

They are doing it just to hurt and manipulate you. They are not ignoring you because they are angry, and you’ve hurt their feelings. Stonewalling is just another method narcissists use to destroy their victims.

Como é que isto acontece?

When you need to talk about something, a narcissist won’t shut you down and ignore you completely, but they will avoid giving you the answer to your question.

Eles vão mexer com a sua cabeça, dando respostas vagas e invalidantes.

This is terribly dangerous for any relationship. Even if it’s not toxic, after some time, it will definitely grow toxic.

Quando um dos parceiros não está interessado em conversar, o outro parceiro, que faz as perguntas, fica frustrado e exige as respostas.

Ora, os narcisistas fazem isto de propósito, porque o resultado final desta situação é uma ansiedade e uma depressão crescentes que se apresentam na mente do parceiro que precisa de respostas mas não as está a obter.

That partner has the feeling that they are being played and manipulated, but they can’t do anything about it.

Nesse sentido, os narcisistas são brilhantes. Conseguem fazer qualquer pessoa de parva.

A obstrução em ação

Let’s say that you’re sentir-se negligenciado pelo seu parceiro. Por isso, naturalmente, quer falar com ele sobre o assunto. Quer confrontá-lo e tentar descobrir qual é o problema.

But all you’re getting in return is dead silence followed by the statement that you’re making a big deal out of it.

He’ll convince you that you’re making a big fuss out of nothing. His tactic is to gaslight you and make you believe in lies which work in his favor.

This upsets you, and you foolishly fall into his trap and try to explain yourself, but he doesn’t want to hear it, so he rejects you.

You feel sad and upset at the same time because you were tricked into thinking that you did something wrong, but you didn’t.

Usually, he leaves the house at this point on purpose to add some guilt to the guilt you’re already feeling.

Mas o senão da sua tática de lavagem cerebral é o comportamento que apresenta no dia seguinte. Ele age como se nada tivesse acontecido.

He acts like you’re the happiest couple alive. If you bring up the subject again, he coldly answers that you have problems which you need to deal with yourself.

O que é que aconteceu aqui?

Ele bloqueou-te. Interrompeu a conversa antes mesmo de ela ter tido lugar.

Ele ignorou os seus sentimentos e redireccionou a conversa para a direção que lhe convinha.

Com as suas acções, ele fê-la sentir-se tensa e traumatizada. Numa relação normal, isto poderia ter acabado de uma forma completamente diferente. Podiam ter resolvido o problema se ele aceitasse falar sobre o assunto.

Por que é que os narcisistas usam a obstrução e o tratamento de silêncio?

Ignorar um narcisista is a very hard thing to do. Their manipulative tactics don’t leave you any choice but to react to their provocations.

That is actually their main goal—to get a reaction out of you, preferably a negative one, so they can feed their egos and feel good about themselves.

A obstrução e o tratamento de silêncio são os seus métodos de manipulação favoritos quando querem castigá-lo por alguma razão.

You haven’t been acting the way they wanted you to. Maybe you’ve come to your senses and sobered up for a moment.

That scared them. They get scared that if you realize you deserve so much better, you’ll leave them, thus endangering the source of their narcissistic supply. You won’t give them what they need to keep on going.

Por isso, precisam de o castigar e de o destruir emocionalmente para o manter no seu lugar.

Their purpose is to diminish you and regain their control over you. They want to know what you’re doing and why.

They want to make you invisible. They want you to feel insignificant, as if it doesn’t make any difference if you live or die.

They are playing with your mind to get your confidence very low, so you’re easily controlled.

What happens next is that you don’t want to be invisible. You’re fighting it, so you come back to them and ask for their approval and attention.

You ask to be visible once again. That was their plan all along—to destroy you by stonewalling and make you beg him to notice you once again. That’s when you’re easily controlled, and that’s when he has restored his peace.

Quando é que os narcisistas usam a obstrução e o tratamento de silêncio?

1. Depois de uma separação

If you’ve ever wondered como acabar com um narcisista, just follow their lead, see what they do, and you’ll be perfectly fine.

After a breakup, it is extremely hard to go ‘no contact’ with the person you’ve been with.

Isto é especialmente verdade se estiveram juntos durante muito tempo ou se foram casados e têm filhos.

A questão é que cortar alguém da nossa vida não é uma coisa fácil de fazer.

Mas quando se trata de narcisistas e das suas vítimas, cortar o contacto é extremamente difícil para as vítimas.

They have been dependent on the narcissists for so long that they don’t know how to live their lives without the narcissists in it.

So, they want to go back to something that’s known to them. This is when the narcissist makes his move and shuts you down.

Ignoram-no a si e às suas chamadas completamente, fazendo-o desejar a sua atenção.

Normalmente, o narcisista regressa como um herói, provando que a sua versão da história esteve sempre correcta, colocando-o numa posição ingrata. Agora ele pode controlá-lo ainda mais do que antes.

2. Todos os dias

Quando uma reserva narcísica se esgota, os narcisistas sentem-se ameaçados. Sentem-se vulneráveis e têm medo que alguém os magoe.

When we’re talking about empathy for others, they have none, but for themselves they have plenty.

Quando sentem uma ferida narcísica, fazem-lhe o tratamento do silêncio para o magoar por lhes ter cortado o fornecimento.

You’ll have no idea what is going on. You’ll ask him dozens of questions, and you’ll get short, vague answers which still won’t give a real answer to your question.

This leads you to think it’s your fault and that you did something wrong.

Your insecurities will kick in, and if you show any kind of reaction to his stonewalling, you’re done.

He’ll pin you to the corner and release his anger. He’ll guilt trip you and basically make you feel like you’re small and insignificant.

Ele quer que tu te desmorones emocionalmente e que dependas apenas dele.

He’ll give you the silent treatment and leave the house. Then, you’ll try to call, and he won’t answer, and in the eyes of other people, you are the bad guy.

You’re the controlling bitch that won’t leave him alone. You’re the one who calls him nonstop and yells about ‘unimportant’ stuff.

3. Quando mais precisas dele

Quando algo te acontece, quando mais precisas do seu apoio, ele será frio como o gelo.

Um narcisista ignora-o and shut you out of his life completely. You’re going through hell and you need someone by your side, but he pulls away.

If you try to talk to him about it, he pulls away even further. He is even more distant from you than ever. He won’t stay quiet for long.

He’ll break and blame you for neglecting him. He’ll attack you for being depressed about something and not being able to see how he feels. He will put himself first.

And the truth is, he is hurt, but not because you’re sad—because you’re not providing him with the narcissistic supply he needs. You’re not giving him enough attention.

Por isso, precisam de uma reação da sua parte e impedem-no de o fazer para obterem uma nova fonte de narcisismo.

Relacionadas: 18 sinais de alerta de um namorado controlador

Consequências psicológicas do Stonewalling e do Tratamento Silencioso

Está cientificamente provado que os danos emocionais podem provocar dores físicas reais.

After the constant emotional neglect and trauma a narcissist’s victim goes through, they begin to feel sick. Their emotional injuries have manifested into physical ones.

Stonewalling can happen even in normal relationships, but when it’s chronic, when it lasts a long time, only then it can damage you.

O tratamento silencioso nas relações normais pode mesmo resultar numa mudança para melhor numa relação.

Quando os parceiros precisam de uma pausa um do outro, submetem-se a um tratamento de silêncio, mas, passado algum tempo, conversam e resolvem os seus problemas.

Mas a obstrução nas relações tóxicas é usada apenas como uma forma de prolongar o abuso e provocar uma dor emocional intensa.

O que fazer se for vítima de uma obstrução?

It’s not your fault! Don’t feel guilty; don’t choose your words carefully because you’re scared you’re going to say something that’ll trigger him.

Stop walking on eggshells around your toxic partner. Stop trying to help him because it’s all a trap.

He’s luring you in to give him enough narcissistic supply. He’s sucking you dry by provoking reactions, and he will never change.

More importantly, he doesn’t want to change. His communication with you is stuck on a toxic level because he wants it that way.

Ele quer que reajas. Quer que se sinta emocionalmente esgotado. As suas acções são cuidadosamente concebidas para o diminuir, para fazer sente-se inútil.

Instead of trying hard to make him notice you (which is exactly what he wants), reconsider if the relationship you’re in is really worth saving.

Quantas vezes é que isto já lhe aconteceu? Quantas vezes é que ele te bloqueou da vida dele e te enganou para voltares a rastejar, implorando pela sua atenção?

Acontece vezes sem conta, sempre que ele quer.

Como é que se pode curar?

É preciso aproveitar o tempo de silêncio e usá-lo para se curar. Pensa apenas em ti e no que precisas.

Concentre-se em tornar-se melhor e não em fazê-lo feliz. A única forma de o fazer é desligar-se verdadeiramente de um narcisista.

You can’t decide when to do it, but you’ll know when the time is right.

That will be the hardest decision you’ve ever made in your life. Going não ter contacto com um narcisista será um processo excruciantemente doloroso e longo.

You’ll want to go back. You’ll feel that you need him. After that much emotional abuse, neglect, confusion and a feeling of being worthless, it takes guts to find the courage and strength to pick yourself up and preserve your common sense.

Know that when you leave, it’s not over. A narcissist will trying to get you back using tácticas de aspiração.

You won’t be prepared for every trick he pulls out of his sleeve. But, the most important thing is never to let him get into your head.

Lembra-te que mereces que as tuas necessidades sejam satisfeitas e que a tua voz seja ouvida.