10 dicas se você se apaixonou por um homem emocionalmente indisponível

After so many broken hearts, I swore to myself that I would never fall for a guy who wasn’t going to love me to the fullest.

Tentei curá-los, curá-los quando me disseram que só os poderia ajudar se ficasse.

Isto fez com que eu fosse destruída por todos aqueles homens emocionalmente indisponíveis e abusivos.

But one of them, he did the best job when it comes to breaking someone’s heart.

Conhecemo-nos numa festa. Ele estava bêbedo e começou a contar-me que a namorada o tinha traído com um idiota a quem ele chamava amigo. Então, ele perdeu os dois.

Eu sabia o que ele estava a passar e tentei confortá-lo, mas ele queria que eu fosse dar um passeio com ele.

Tenha em consideração que ele estava muito bêbedo e era muito honesto em relação a tudo.

He told me how he wasn’t sure if he could ever love again. “Why should I? It’s only a waste of time!” he was yelling at the top of his lungs and asked me afterwards if I was thinking the same thing.

This is the point where I started telling him how love is an amazing thing and that the only problem was that he didn’t find the right woman to be in love with.

She didn’t appreciate him, but if he continued searching, he would eventually stumble upon a wonderful partner who will be more than happy to have him in his life.

He looked me dead serious in the eyes and came a bit closer to me. My heart started racing and I couldn’t breathe. What was he going to do?!

Nunca esquecerei a forma como ele me sorriu e tocou na minha face com tanta delicadeza. Foi quase como um sonho.

Continuou a falar sobre o facto de achar que encontrar essa pessoa pode ser muito fácil agora. E beijou-me.

Essa noite foi mais do que maravilhosa. Passámo-la juntos e, de manhã, ele foi muito simpático comigo, dizendo-me que nunca se tinha apaixonado por alguém tão rapidamente.

He made us coffee and we continued talking about the party and our little conversation. That’s when we decided to go on a proper date!

He was continuously telling me how he wasn’t sure se ele queria uma relação.

He didn’t think that it was something he could do now, although it had been awhile since he broke up with his last girlfriend.

But I didn’t want to rush it. He seemed so nice, loving and caring. Além disso, queria sentir-me necessária.

He was constantly telling me how he needed someone who’d be there for him and fix him. I wanted to be that someone!

From time to time, I would ask him to define our relationship. But at the word ‘relationship’, he’d start panicking and wouldn’t even want to talk to me for hours afterward.

Com o passar do tempo, vi as paredes à sua volta erguerem-se ainda mais. Comecei a perguntar-me quem era o homem por quem me apaixonei?

He would smile at girls in bars just so they could come up to him. I was sitting next to him, listening to all those times he told them that I was only a friend. Well, it’s the truth.

Ele era uma daquelas pessoas que preferia ser amigo com benefícios do que estar numa relação de compromisso.

Uma manhã, a minha amiga mandou-me uma mensagem a dizer que o tinha visto numa namoro e que até tentou namoriscar com ela. Fui ver e lá estava ele.

His picture—there was no doubt about it and the caption said something like “single and ready to mingle”.

When I confronted him about this, he told me that it was none of my business and that I shouldn’t be putting my nose in his life.

He told me everything he could just to make me realise that he didn’t love me. I wasn’t his ‘someone’. “Why would I fall for someone like you?!” Doeu. Muito.

I’d like to say that I walked out of his life right after this fight, but I didn’t. I stayed. For too long. I stayed to watch him flirt and make out with other girls, never realising how much he hurt me.

He was always avoiding the topic of our relationship and that’s when I realised that he truly was emocionalmente indisponível.

I should’ve seen it at the beginning. If your partner is emotionally unavailable, there’s nothing much you can do but run! Pack your stuff and run! I’ve learned it the hard way.

You might have fallen in love with him so it’s not that easy to let go. That’s why I’m giving you 10 little tips on how to survive an emotionally unavailable man:

1. Coloca os teus sentimentos em primeiro lugar

Tenha consciência dos sentimentos que tem no momento. Se se sentir magoado e vulnerável num determinado momento, tire um tempo para se sentir bem novamente.

Se isso significa deixá-lo e fugir, então FAÇA-O! Vais chorar menos, prometo-te.

2. Conhecê-lo melhor

Há uma pequena possibilidade de que haja esperança para ele. Ele pode mudar. Faça todas as perguntas que quiser sem ter medo das respostas dele.

Be confident and make him talk to you. If he avoids your questions constantly, it’s just a sign that it’s not worth trying.

3. You can’t heal him if he doesn’t want to be healed

As much as you’d want to, you can’t fix him. Aprendi isto da maneira mais difícil.

Being emotionally unavailable means that the person shuts down their emotions and you can’t even come close to him.

4. Don’t apologize for your feelings

Acredito verdadeiramente que ser capaz de expressar os seus sentimentos e mostrar vulnerabilidade é um verdadeiro sinal de força.

You don’t have to apologize for it! Express them in all the ways you need in order to feel at peace!

5. Dizer-lhe imediatamente o que queres

Tell him at the beginning what you want from the relationship and that you’re not ready to settle for anything less than what you want because you deserve it.

If I’d known this, I would’ve saved myself all the time and energy that was wasted.

6. Ser feliz e independente

If you’re not depending on him, you might as well just leave when you realise that he’s emotionally unavailable and there’s no fixing it.

I was very dependent and that made me unhappy. I didn’t have my own personality because I let him define me. Biggest mistake I ever made!

7. Ser paciente (por enquanto)

Maybe he’s willing to change and he might tell you that he his but that he needs time.Give him the time he needs but know that you can’t wait forever.

8. Preste atenção aos seus actos, não às suas palavras

As suas acções podem não corresponder às suas palavras. As suas palavras podem ser gentis e promissoras, mas as suas acções revelam abuso emocional.

He might tell you that he’s trying to change but he still cheats on you? Well, why are you waiting? Why are you still with him?

9. You aren’t a failure if you didn’t manage to make it work

Tive mesmo dificuldades com este caso. Pensava que se o amasse o suficiente e tivesse paciência, tudo se resolveria. Emocionalmente indisponível ou não.

I loved him. It’s the only thing that mattered to me. So, I thought that we could work things out and be a happy couple.

But no. He didn’t let me past the walls he built up around his heart and it’s fine. It’s not my fault.

10. Ama-te a ti próprio

This one is very simple, if you love yourself enough, you won’t ever let anyone have a higher priority rather than yourself.

You’ll appreciate your life in a way that you won’t want to waste your time and energy on someone who’s not worthy of it!