Apaixonada por um homem casado? 8 verdades duras que precisas de ouvir

So, you’re in love with a married man.

Por mais convencida que estivesse de que nunca se apaixonaria por um homem casado e apesar do respeito que tem por uma união conjugal, aconteceu mesmo assim.

I’m sure you’re already aware of how wrong this affair is and in how many ways this new relationship could go south.

Mas esta é uma história tão antiga como o tempo.

Falling in love comes naturally to all humans, and sometimes you end up developing feelings you shouldn’t for a married person.

There isn’t a part of the world or a culture where it hasn’t happened and, as much as it hurts so many people, it’s all too common in its occurrence.

Especially if this is the first time you’ve engaged in such a complex scenario and you’re scared and disappointed in yourself for not trying harder to find a healthy relationship with a man who’s actually available.

I’m not going to pretend that I understand or am privy to the ins and outs of your relação amorosa com um homem casado.

I’m not going to sit here and judge you for choosing to ignore your ente querido‘s estado civil para continuar a amá-lo em segredo.

Mas eu am vou incutir-lhe algumas palavras de sabedoria, a bem da sua autoestima e do seu bem-estar.

A minha intenção não é acabar com a sua relação ilícita, mas sim dar-lhe a conhecer algumas verdades duras sobre o seu homem casado que a sua paixão a impede de ver.

Regardless of how you two crossed paths, there’s only one way this is likely to end.

And it’s not ideal.

Talvez tenham sido os melhores amigos do liceu, ou se tenham conhecido nas redes sociais, através de encontros online ou mensagens de texto.

Anyone of these doesn’t justify the nature of your relationship, although it’s understandable how easy it can be to fall in love with a married woman (or man) when experiencing relationship problems.

You got tired of going through the same thing with those toxic losers day in and day out and you needed something better – something full time.

Meaningless hookups aren’t your thing anymore and you simply need a homem, não um rapaz.

You’ve been on numerous dating sites which led to a bunch of potential boyfriends, and they all ended up being not good for you.

E depois deparou-se com ele.

Ver também: Como acabar com um caso com integridade e ajudá-lo a sair para sempre

You didn’t plan it. It sort of just happened and you were just as surprised as anyone else would be.

Com este tipo, fez-se um clique.

Não havia sinais de alerta (óbvios), ele até lhe disse que a amava (e você sabia que ele estava a falar a sério).

Foi tratada com amor, carinho e devoção e, no final do dia, que mais pode uma rapariga pedir?

Depois da sua última separação, este tipo foi uma lufada de ar fresco.

He showed you how it feels to be in a healthy relationship (or so you thought…) and never once did it occur to you that he was having a physical and emotional affair with anyone other than you.

Fast forward to now: You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. You don’t want to be caught in the middle of this.

You don’t want to be in love with a married man. This is not you.

But now, you’re here and you need to find a way to get out of this situation without causing any further damage.

Yet… You just can’t help but ask yourself: How did he have so much free time to spend with you if he’s got a wife?

Onde é que ele estava durante todos os vossos telefonemas noturnos? Todos os homens fazem batota?

Ver também: Os homens casados têm saudades das suas amantes? 7 razões para isso

There are so many conflicting emotions that are plaguing your mind right now and you’re in desperate need of good conselhos sobre relações.

Devem terminar este caso de quase um ano?

Consegue imaginar vê-lo cara a cara sem deixar que o seu charme de fala mansa a desarme mais uma vez?

Porque é que, por vezes, se apaixonar é tão doloroso?

You were so sure that he loves you and now you know nothing. The first time you think you’ve met an actual decent guy, this is what happens.

Your self-esteem is at an all-time low and you don’t trust yourself with anything anymore.

There’s a married woman out there who has no idea you’re intruding on her marriage and you’ve never felt so angry at yourself for letting yourself be pitted against another woman.

If you’re in a tough spot right now and in dire need of relationship advice, I’m here to offer you some tough truths.

O seu homem casado pode facilmente estar a enganá-la a si e à mulher dele, e só Deus sabe o que mais poderá estar a fazer nas suas costas.

In order to get a full grasp of this complex situation, here’s what you need to take into account before making an educated decision that will resolve your situation with this pessoa casada e ajudá-lo a reencontrar-se.

Ver também: Como viver em paz e harmonia com a ajuda destes 5 passos

Pode não ser o único

As difficult as it is to comprehend this, if this dude is already cheating on his wife with you, one needs to ponder whether or not you’re the only one he’s cheating with?

If he’s so good at sneaking around and doing the nasty with you behind his wife’s back, there could very well be another ”other” woman.

O que me leva ao meu segundo ponto. Como é que se pode confiar nele?

He’s already lying to one woman.

What’s to stop him from making a fool of you?

These types of men who cheat and so easily get away with it can’t really stop themselves from pushing the boundaries and testing out how many times they can actually successfully pull this off.

Are you sure you’re the only mistress in his life?

Can you declare with utmost certainty that he’d leave his wife for you one day?

Tem cuidado com este tipo.

He could be selling the same BS to another poor girl who’s buying it just like you are.

You shouldn’t be sitting around waiting for him to decide

A married man can tell you what he wants and you’ll believe it because you want it to be true.

But here’s a tough truth.

Os homens casados raramente deixam as suas mulheres pela amante.

Enchem-nos a cabeça com coisas que sabem que precisamos de ouvir e continuam a viver a sua vida de casados, enquanto ficamos impacientemente à espera do telefonema dele.

É justo? Não. Continuas à espera? Sim. Então, é preciso perguntar a si próprio porquê e durante quanto tempo.

When will it become obvious to you that you’ll always come second? He’s got his priorities (his wife and family) and you must focus on yours!

You’ll never get to sleep beside him and wake up next to him happy because he’ll always have to go back to her.

E cada vez que isso acontece, o teu coração parte-se um pouco mais.

Don’t do this to yourself. Pick yourself up, choose yourself, and leave him for your own well-being.

You deserve more than someone’s sloppy seconds and his wife deserves a man who won’t step out on her.

Ver também: É assim que se deixa de sentir inveja de uma rapariga mais bonita

What he’s doing to his wife, he could easily do to you

Let’s assume he actually leaves his wife and commits to you.

Ele escolhe-o a si e toma esta decisão dolorosa para a sua família.

For a while, you’ll be on cloud nine. You’ll have everything you ever wanted. He’s finally all yours.

You don’t have to share him with anyone and you don’t have to keep your relationship a secret.

Podem dar um passeio pela rua e dar as mãos.

You can go on a couple’s getaway and not hide under fake names. But deep down, you’ll always wonder if he’s faithful to you.

You can’t lie to yourself – you know he’s already cheated, so how do you know he won’t do the exact same thing to you?

He can sweet-talk you all he wants, but when you know someone, it’s a different story.

So yeah, things will appear great and you’ll think you’re happy.

Mas este sentimento nunca deixará de a incomodar, fazendo-a questionar todos os dias toda a sua relação e a credibilidade dele.

Valerá a pena?

He’s highly unlikely to choose you

Um homem casado desenvolveu uma tática sorrateira que lhe permite continuar a enganá-la, fazendo-a acreditar em todas as mentiras que lhe conta.

This isn’t the first time he’s doing this.

Ele sabe exatamente como conquistá-lo e mantê-lo agarrado.

You might feel special and like there’s actual hope for your relationship, but as I said, in this situation, married guys rarely choose the other woman.

Words mean nothing when they’re not supported by actions.

E o que é que as acções dele lhe disseram até agora? Ele disse-lhe alguma coisa e fez com que acontecesse?

Ele está a fazer algum progresso em relação à sua promessa de deixar a mulher?

You might be in love with a married man, but if the feeling was truly reciprocated, he’d show it to you by doing something about the situation.

No matter the relationship problems in his marriage, if he isn’t showing any will to leave her, you should beat him to it.

You’re probably secretly enjoying the thrill of this

I know you’ll never admit this to yourself or anyone else, but there’s something truly hot and sexy about sneaking around and finding new, creative ways to go about your affair.

Faz-nos sentir importantes e engenhosos e, por vezes, orgulhosos.

I don’t expect you to own up to this, but you have to admit that there’s a tiny bit of truth there.

A sua vida era bastante rotineira até conhecer o seu homem casado.

And ever since, you’ve been living a completely different type of life – one that requires you to be sneaky and smart while keeping this huge secret under wraps.

It’s thrilling and exciting almost as much as it’s wrong and regretful.

Every day is a risk and a new adventure, and the fact that you never know where and when you’ll see him next is downright salacious.

You’re feeling the thrill of the whole thing while being cautiously aware of how wrong you are to feel this way.

And yet, you’re not doing anything to change it. What does that tell you?

Ver também: Sexo com amigos? Os 10 maiores segredos que ninguém lhe vai contar

O facto de ele ter filhos torna tudo muito mais complexo

Se o seu homem casado tiver filhos, a situação pode tornar-se ainda mais feia.

Em primeiro lugar, se ele deixasse a mulher por si, os filhos iriam ressentir-se por ter separado a família deles.

Do you want to take on this huge responsibility of being a major part of their life, all the while knowing they’re unlikely to warm up to you?

Every time they see you, they’ll be reminded that you were the reason for their mom and dad’s break-up.

Isto pode causar muitos conflitos e amarguras, o que será prejudicial também para a sua relação romântica.

Being in love with a married man is one thing… but when there are kids involved, it’s simply playing with fire.

Está pronto para se queimar?

You’ll never know the other side of the story (his wife’s)

A bad marriage is never just one partner’s fault.

It takes two to tango. And you’re never going to get the full story behind their failed marriage and how it all came about.

He can tell you whatever he wants, but do you really think that he didn’t play a part in his marriage crashing and burning?

If he’s bad-mouthing his wife, don’t you feel sorry for her?

Isn’t there a part of you wondering if she’s truly as possessive and controlling as he’s making her sound?

Ou será que ele era manipulador e tóxico, o que não lhe dava outra hipótese senão ser assim?

Há tantos problemas que ele pode estar a esconder de si, mas a mulher dele conhece-os muito bem.

Pense nisso antes de se comprometer com ele. A vossa relação pode fracassar tão facilmente como o casamento dele.

Será que a sua vida vale esta confusão? Vale a pena sacrificar a sua dignidade e confiar cegamente nele?

You’re a temporary fix for a broken marriage

Has it ever occurred to you that you might simply be his temporary saving grace while he’s struggling with his marital issues?

Men cheat and people lie. That’s a fact of life.

E tu podes ser a vítima da sua manipulação.

Pode ter-se convencido de que se trata de uma história de amor grandiosa e de que foram feitos um para o outro.

But it’s far more likely that you’re just someone with whom he gets to enjoy himself and forget about the world and his broken marriage.

At first, it’s sexy, fun, and thrilling.

Mas com o tempo, torna-se difícil, desafiante e desastroso.

Começamos a vê-lo como ele realmente é e a perceber que he doesn’t really love you.

He loves what you give him – relief from his relationship problems and a good time.

He doesn’t love tuEle adora a sensação de estar temporariamente livre.

Ver também: 7 sinais de uma esposa emocionalmente distante e por que ela se tornou assim

Como é que se segue em frente?

Para começar, começa-se a ver as coisas como elas são na realidade, e não como se quer que sejam.

Uma distração da realidade, onde se vive no seu mundo de fantasia que nos dá a sensação de sermos amados e não usados.

But being in love with a married man is just that – a fantasy.

You’ll never be his first choice.

He’s never going to wake up one day and decide to break up his marriage, especially if there are children in the picture.

You’re his breakaway from an unhappy marriage.

And as troubled as he may be, it’s not on you to be a fix to his emotional wounds.

You need to be brave enough to decide you’re done playing second fiddle.

You’re done taking crumbs of his love and from today on, you’re only going to look for guys who won’t use you as a temporary fix.

Tu vales muito mais.

Uma relação saudável consiste em dois indivíduos maduros que se escolhem um ao outro e lutam pelo seu amor contra todas as probabilidades.

Two people who’d go to war for each other and never dare put their partner second.

A married man will never be able to check these boxes. And at the end of the day, that’s what it comes down to.

You can make all the excuses you want, but it won’t change a thing.

He’s always going to put her first because his loyalty is primarily to her. And yours should be to yourself. Put your own needs first.

Pick up the shambles of your broken self and admit to yourself what he never will. It’s never going to be you. You’ll never get your happy ending with him.

Take the relationship advice from a person who’s been through the wringer and suffered the consequences of her poor decision.

Um homem casado é leal ao seu casamento e a si próprio.

Tome a decisão certa e parta com dignidade antes que ele lhe parta o coração.

It’s not going to be easy, but in the long run, this is the best decision you can make and one day you’ll be grateful you did it.

Pode optar por viver num mundo de fantasia, onde continua a ansiar por algo que lhe escapa, ou pode trazer-se de volta à realidade e lutar por um futuro melhor.

Qual é que vai ser?