17 Sinais inegáveis de que um homem casado está a usá-la

When you’re the outra mulherSe não fores capaz de fazer uma pergunta, procura sinais de que um homem casado está apaixonado por ti. Romantiza a sua relação, vê-a como amor verdadeiro, and secretly hope that he’ll end up with you.

But, while you’re busy fantasizing, somehow, you skip the signs a married man is using you! Have you ever considered the idea that this guy couldn’t care less about you, and that you serve him as a distraction from his unhappy marriage?

I don’t mean to be harsh, but sadly, this is a common scenario with mulheres solteiras e homens casados.

Sinais de que um homem casado a está a usar

If your married man loves you, he’ll never behave like this:

1. Ele quer que sejas completamente fiel.

Okay, let’s get things sorted out. This man is married – that’s a known fact by now. I won’t go into details of his marriage now because we can never know what happens behind closed doors.

However, one thing is for sure: he’s already in a committed relationship. The truth is that he’s not faithful to his wife, but in some weird way, he’s not faithful to you either – as long as he remains next to his significant other.

Nevertheless, he demands fidelity from you. I’m not just talking about sleeping with other guys.

He expects you to act like you’re in a serious relationship. You’re not allowed to go out on dates or to have dating apps, and he even gets jealous when you mention your melhores amigos do sexo masculino ou colegas de trabalho.

This man acts as if he owns you, while you must share him with his wife. How absurd is this? And, you know what’s even worse: the fact that you accept these terms and conditions.

Privando-o da felicidade

Ele quer-te só para ele. Oh, how romantic that would be if we could disregard one tiny piece of information: the fact that he can’t offer you his fidelity!

Basically, this man is depriving you of happiness. He is literally stealing years of your life, and as if that wasn’t enough, he steals away every possibility of you meeting someone new and saving yourself.

2. But, he doesn’t leave his wife.

At the same time, he doesn’t do anything about his divorce. If this fact alone isn’t one of the most obvious signs a married man is using you – I don’t know what is. I know he keeps telling you that his divorce will be finalized any time soon.

But, come on… do you really believe him? It’s not that you’re just letting him lie to you; mente a si próprio também.

Ele fez alguma coisa de especial relativamente à sua separação? Ele chegou a dizer à sua mulher que se deviam separar?

Ele começou a reconstruir a sua vida? Talvez ele precise de encontrar um novo sítio para ficar ou reorganizar as suas finanças para poder pagar a pensão de alimentos no futuro.

A resposta a todas estas perguntas é a mesma: he didn’t move an inch for you while you moved mountains for his sake. And, that tells you everything: he won’t leave his wife.

3. Ele não está lá para si.

How many holidays did this guy spend by your side? Can you call him when you have an emergency, even if it’s in the middle of the night?

Pode aparecer espontaneamente à sua porta quando tem saudades dele? Pode ser o seu acompanhante em casamentos e outros eventos familiares?

I already know the answers to all of these questions – I just asked them to remind you of reality.

If you sum your entire relationship up, you’ll have to admit that this man is never there for you. You’re pretty much sozinho nesta relação since you can’t count on him for anything.

He’s not there to hold your hand when you need him to. He’s not there to comfort you when you start crying in the middle of the night.

This man isn’t your friend – he’s just your lover. He’s not the rock you need, and certainly not the one you can rely on. It’s one of the biggest sinais de que um homem casado a está a usar.

4. Não há conversas significativas.

Let’s continue with the questions. Here’s the tough one: When was the last time you had a conversa significativa with this guy? Of course, I’m referring to the topics that don’t concern him.

You have no chance to talk about your personal life. He’s always too busy to hear you out, and he has no time to talk about your feelings.

The bottom line is that he’s probably there apenas para uma coisaO prazer físico que lhe dás. Ao mesmo tempo, dá-lhe a validação que ele deseja desesperadamente.

He never gives you advice, he is not involved in the things that are bothering you, and he’s never interested in what you have to say. Even when he listens to you, he doesn’t pay attention to what you’re saying.

Aren’t all of these clear signs ele só quer dormir contigo porque é definitivamente assim que uma relação amorosa e saudável deve ser!

5. Evita a conversa sobre o divórcio.

A pior parte de toda esta situação é que o seu amante já não quer falar de divórcio. Mas, ao mesmo tempo, he is obviously not brave enough to tell you straight in the face that he doesn’t plan on changing anything in his love life.

Whenever you bring this topic up, he’s too tired to discuss it right now. He has a lot of things on his mind, and he’s too stressed out to tackle it at this moment.

And, let’s not forget my all-time favorite: ele acaba por acusá-la de estragar os seus raros momentos de felicidade juntos.

Did you really have to start with that now when we’re having such a great time?

Sounds familiar, right? As a result, you’re scared to even mention his divorce because you know it will start a fight.

And, just like that – he has you right where he wants you!

6. Ele acusa-o de o ter seduzido.

Have you ever wondered how married men get away with their extramarital affairs? Well, it’s actually pretty simple: they convince their wives that it wasn’t their fault.

This is exactly the way your lover behaves. Even though you’re a single woman and he’s the cheater, he acts like you’re the one who seduziu-o.

Isn’t that convenient? It’s like you forced him to be with you, which is certainly not the case.

Basicamente, ele atinge dois pássaros com esta pedra. Em primeiro lugar, anula-se a si próprio da responsabilidade e fica com a consciência tranquila para continuar a comportar-se da mesma maneira.

Em segundo lugar, ele coloca toda a culpa em si. If you believe him, you end up destroying your mental health because you can’t help but feel guilty for breaking some innocent woman’s heart.

Well, hear me out on this one. Even though you carry your part of the responsibility for this situation, he’s the one with the wedding ring here… the one breaking his vows, and the one to blame for this mess!

7. O seu casamento está sempre em primeiro lugar.

Sorry to break it to you, but the first place in this man’s life is already taken, and his wife has it. At least, that’s how he acts, which, of course, doesn’t add up to his words.

O que interessa é que ele a trata como uma segunda opção, and that’s one of the good signs a married man is using you.

His family is his priority. He’ll always run to help out his wife rather than respond to your text message.

Whether you like it or not, he spends most of his free time with her. Let’s talk about New Year parties, Christmases, and Valentine’s Day.

I know he says he doesn’t care about her and that ele tem sentimentos fortes por si, but if that were true, you wouldn’t ficar sempre em segundo lugar, tu farias?

8. Mentiras e enganos.

If you’re being honest, you’ll admit that this toxic relationship is based on falsas promessas, mentiras e enganos.

He doesn’t love his wife, he doesn’t sleep with her, and he’ll leave her anytime now. Quando os homens traem, estas são as mentiras habituais que dizem às suas amantes.

But, let’s talk about little things as well. How many times have you fallen asleep in your prettiest dress, with full makeup on, and with your phone in your hand?

That’s right, I’m talking about all those nights he promised you he’d come to see you, but never showed up.

9. He doesn’t care about your well-being.

Here’s another harsh truth, and one of the good signs a married man is using you. Let’s face it: he rarely takes your well-being into consideration. He doesn’t think about your needs, and he most certainly doesn’t care about you.

Qual será o impacto de toda esta situação na sua vida? Como é que vai afetar o seu futuro? Ele está a partir o seu coração? Será que alguma vez conseguirá recuperar de toda esta confusão?

A sua saúde mental está arruinada? Como é que vai curar a sua alma despedaçada? Irá passar o resto da sua vida na posição de outra mulher?

Tem ciúmes do facto de ter de o partilhar com a mulher dele? Como se sente em relação à vossa relação?

Do you think he worries over any of these questions? I promise you he doesn’t.

After all, this is quite obvious. This is not the man who brings you hot soup when you’re sick nor does he hold your hand when you need his emotional support.

He’s selfishe só se preocupa com ele próprio!

10. You’re not his only extramarital affair.

Quando os homens traem, raramente se limitam a uma só mulher. No fundo, sabe que o seu amante tem muitos outros casos com outras raparigas solteiras ou mesmo com mulheres casadas.

E todas aquelas mensagens de texto e chamadas telefónicas que ele continua a receber? E o facto de ele esconder o telemóvel ou desaparecer misteriosamente da sua vida?

Of course, he can always tell you that he’s spending his free time with his wife, but trust me, this kind of behavior is a warning sign that he’s cheating on you com uma terceira mulher.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but it’s something you could have seen coming. He’s clearly a batoteiro em série, and what’s even worse, he doesn’t see anything wrong about it!

11. You’re just convenient.

Every married man wants the same: a woman who won’t ask him too many questions and who’ll always be available when he feels like seeing her. Well, I hate to break it to you, but this is exactly how your lover sees you.

Se ele te trata como you’re convenient, it’s because he doesn’t love you. Instead, he’s with you because you give him everything he needs.

You’re a distraction from his boring married life. He doesn’t have to make future plans with you because, let’s face it, vocês dois não têm futuro.

You’re in no position to ask him anything, and he doesn’t have to be committed to your relationship. Besides, he gets to sleep with you, which is a huge bonus.

And, let’s not forget one of the most important things: you give him the validation he needs. He is still the man he used to be. His seducing skills are in perfect order.

Aumentas-lhe a autoestima. Ele vê-se como um homem macho que tem duas mulheres a lutar por ele!

12. Ele esconde-te do resto do mundo.

This guy never let you in his life. I’m not saying that he should arrange a meeting between you and his family. However, if he really plans on getting a divorce, or if he was really working on it, he wouldn’t hide you from everyone in his life.

And, that’s exactly what your married man is doing. Even if someone he knows catches you together, his body language instantly changes and he becomes emotionally distant and cold.

He’s doing this because he doesn’t see your relationship as anything more than a casual fling. He’ll probably forget about you soon, and he doesn’t need anyone reminding him of your existence.

Besides, it’s easier to get rid of you when the time comes if you’re not involved in his life.

13. Um maníaco por controlo.

When a married man falls in love with a single woman, he knows he doesn’t deserve her. The same goes with your toxic relationship: your lover is very well aware that you could replace him for someone better (and, most importantly, single) in the blink of an eye.

Então, ele transforma-se num maníaco por controlo numa tentativa de evitar que isso aconteça. Ele tem ataques de ciúmes, verifica todos os seus movimentos e até começa a persegui-la.

Ele vasculha o seu telemóvel, quer que apague todos os seus perfis nas redes sociais e está a tentar dizer-lhe o que fazer com a sua vida.

Se isto é algo com que se identifica, veja-o como uma bandeira vermelha de um manipulador de controlo. It’s likely that he won’t leave you alone even if you try to walk away.

Just have one thing in mind: he’s not behaving like this because ele ama-te – this man feels like he owns you!

14. Ele manipula-a para que fique.

When a married man cares about you, he doesn’t want you to leave him – obviously. However, manipulating you into staying is a new level of toxicity.

Sempre que tentas afastar-te, ele encontra uma forma de te ter de volta. De repente, fica doente e os médicos chegam a dizer-lhe que pode ser algo de grave.

Or, he shows up, begging you not to leave him. He promises that he’ll change, and that everything will fall in perfect order.

If that doesn’t work, he plays with your consciousness. He goes even as far as telling you that he’ll do something to himself if you break up with him – a true example of chantagem emocional.

Este homem sabe claramente como a provocar. Ele brinca com a sua cabeça e acabamos por fazer exatamente o que ele quer.

15. Tudo acontece segundo as suas regras.

Por vezes, you feel as if you are just a passive bystander in this relationship. Or, maybe you’re a puppet without your own free will.

Seja como for, a questão é que tudo, e quero dizer literalmente tudo, acontece sob as suas regras.

There is a scheduled time during which you can text him, you only visit the hidden, dark places where no one can see you. You meet when it’s convenient for him.

Basically, you do whatever he wants because you’re com medo de o perder. You have no saying regarding your relationship, and he definitely doesn’t treat you as his equal.

16. You’re his dumping site.

Ele está infeliz com a sua vida de casado? Tem problemas com os filhos? Está a passar por uma crise financeira? Ou, se calhar, a saúde mental dele está destruída?

Bem, nesse caso, ele devia trabalhar para resolver os seus problemas. Ou então, devia procurar um psiquiatra.

No entanto, em vez disso, ele usa-o como local de despejo. Conta-lhe todos os seus problemas, despeja toda a sua bagagem e liberta-se de todo o peso que tem nos ombros.

In the meantime, you’re always there to hear him out. After all, where would you go? You’re full of understanding, and you never fail to give him a solution to all of his troubles.

It wouldn’t surprise me if he had the nerve to ask you for relationship advice regarding his marriage – if we’re being honest, that’s the only thing that’s left for you to solve on his behalf.

E o que é que acontece depois de o confortar? Bem, ele volta à sua vida idílica, aliviado do stress.

If this isn’t one of the sure signs a married man is using you, I don’t know what is.

17. O teu instinto diz-te.

Finally, there are some things that are difficult to explain. You can see it in his body language, his tone of voice, or when you two have eye contact – this man doesn’t love you and he never did.

No início, pensou que estava a imaginar todos estes sinais de que um homem casado a está a usar, mas quando pensa nisso, seu intuição tinha sempre razão.

Ver também: 25 sinais de que um homem está a usar-te por dinheiro que não deves ignorar

Como é que se sabe se um homem casado é infeliz no seu casamento?

Um homem que tenha um casamento infeliz use every excuse possible to run away from his wife, and he’ll avoid spending time with her at all costs.

Este é o tipo que aconselha sempre todos os solteiros à sua volta a nunca darem o nó porque o inferno os espera. Também, ele queixa-se da mulher a toda a hora.

Of course, there are men who deliberately act this way to deceive you. They’ll lie that they’re infelizes no seu casamento para justificar as suas actividades extraconjugais.

Como é que se consegue que um homem casado sinta a nossa falta?

Se queres fazer com que um homem casado sinta a tua falta, é preciso deixar de ser disponível. He’s used to having you around whenever he feels like it, and it’s about time he sees that you’re a real person – not his puppet who comes on demand.

Não estabelecer contacto e fazer com que ele se preocupe com perder-te for good. Once he feels your absence, he’ll realize he can’t live without you.

Para terminar:

Look… I’m not here to judge. But, if you’ve seen all the signs a married man is using you, what are you still doing by his side?

I know it’s easy for me to tell you to deixá-lo. A parte mais difícil é realmente seguir em frente. No entanto, sabe que este não é o homem com quem pode fazer planos para o futuro.

Detesto ter de vos dizer isto, mas a situação entre vocês os dois nunca vai mudar. Não tens outra escolha senão ir embora enquanto ainda tens tempo!