Um guia de sobrevivência de 16 passos para a auto-aversão
A definição de auto-aversão
According to the self-loathing definition, it is the hatred of yourself. But, it’s not that simple: it’s also a deeply rooted belief that you’re not enough and that you’re not worthy of amor-próprio.
As a self-loathing person, you’re always in search of your new flaws. You’re overwhelmed with self-doubts and negative thoughts that you simply don’t have the strength to get rid of.
Considera-se inútil, inadequado e insuficiente. You don’t know what to do with your life. You’re convinced that all of your self-hatred is justified and your self-concept is pretty much ruined.
5 fontes inesperadas de auto-aversão
Self-hate always has its reasons, even though you don’t have to necessarily identify them right away. To defeat it, you have to get to the bottom of your condition.
É preciso encontrar as suas causas profundas e o ponto de partida da sua natureza autocrítica.
Traumas passados
In most cases, negative thoughts connected with self-loathing don’t appear out of the blue.
De acordo com a psiquiatria e a psicologia, este estado é geralmente causado por traumas passados de que talvez nem se aperceba.
Este tipo de sentimento está normalmente ligado a experiências negativas na infância. Quase todas as pessoas que se odeiam a si próprias passaram a vida inteira a ouvir críticas.
Desde que te lembras, nunca foste suficientemente bom para os teus pais. Talvez eles o tenham comparado com um irmão mais bem sucedido ou nunca tenham acreditado em si.
Por outro lado, a sua história romântica também pode ter provocado auto-aversão. Se, no passado, foi emocionalmente negligenciado por alguém de quem gostava muito, pode ter começado a culpar-se por isso.
Either way, what’s important for you to realize is that each one of our experiences shapes us into the people we are today.
You might be convinced that you forgot about a certain trauma but trust me–they’re all deeply inscribed on your mental health.
Agradar às pessoas
Façamos o que fizermos, nunca conseguiremos agradar a toda a gente. Então, porquê dar-se ao trabalho de tentar?
It’s about time you realize that your people-pleasing traits brought you to this condition in the first place.
The process is actually pretty simple: you do your best for someone to like you; you go out of your way to please them, and, finally, you don’t get the reaction you were expecting.
They don’t appreciate you the way they should, nor do they love you, despite all of your efforts. As a result, you start to blame yourself for it.
You don’t see the people around you as too demanding. You don’t consider them ungrateful and inconsiderate.
Em vez disso, odeia-se a si próprio por não conseguir corresponder às suas expectativas irrealistas. Parece loucura, eu sei.
However, if you do some introspection, you’ll begin to admit that this has been going on inside your head for years.
Ambiente hipercrítico
Whether we like to admit it or not, others have a significant impact on us. After all, we’re all social beings who live in a symbiotic relationship with other people.
Por conseguinte, a sua influência é inevitável. Isto aplica-se especialmente aos nossos entes queridos.
É que os seus pensamentos e sentimentos autocríticos têm uma origem.
If you’ve spent most of your life around people who made it clear that they don’t think much of you, your self-esteem never had a chance to grow.
If you’re surrounded by those who keep on diminishing your self-worth and who keep on telling you that nothing you ever do is good enough, the consequences will be devastating.
Knowing all of this, you can’t help but wonder: “Do Odeio-me because of my hypercritical surroundings?”
To be clear: I’m not trying to free you from responsibility and put the entire blame for your state on someone else.
No entanto, a verdade é que a autocrítica surge por vezes como resultado de uma desaprovação.
Perfeccionismo
The next possible cause of self-loathing is the desire to be perfect. It doesn’t matter if others have imposed this aspiration on you, or you’re the one who is chasing perfectionism on your own.
The bottom line is the same: every time you notice that your life is not spotless and that you’re not flawless–you begin with self-hatred.
With time, you’ve adopted the idea that only being the best is good enough. This mindset has inspired you to become better, which is awesome.
However, on the other hand, it has also taken a negative toll on your emotional and mental health. Basically, you beat yourself up every time you don’t meet your high standards.
Every time you notice an imperfection in your character or whenever your life doesn’t look exactly the way you want it to–you think of yourself as a failure.
Normas sociais
Comparar-se com os outros é um grande erro, a não ser que se queira acabar com muito ódio de si próprio e auto-dúvida. No entanto, é exatamente isso que faz.
Quando olhamos à nossa volta, parece que toda a gente tem mais sucesso do que nós. Os seus amigos do liceu são empresários de sucesso; alguns deles estão a viajar pelo mundo, os outros dois construíram uma família, e assim por diante.
De qualquer forma, todos eles têm um aspeto fantástico e estão aparentemente a viver a sua melhor vida.
Pelo menos, é isso que temos a oportunidade de ver em todos os seus perfis nas redes sociais ou quando nos cruzamos com eles. Vemos os nossos amigos e desconhecidos que têm sempre um sorriso no rosto.
Depois, olhamos mais de perto para a nossa vida, com todas as suas imperfeições. Olha-se ao espelho, escreve os seus feitos numa folha de papel e o que conclui?
Well, you’re miserable compared to them. Consequently, your feelings of worthlessness trigger a depressive episode.
All of a sudden, your inner critic wakes up as you realize that you’ll never be able to meet these social standards. You’ll never be as attractive, as smart, or as successful as what is expected of you.
7 sintomas de uma mentalidade de auto-aversão
Well, to do something about your self-hate, first of all, you have to be sure that you’re a self-loathing person. Now that you’re confident about the meaning of self-loathing and its causes, it’s time to look at the symptoms.
Autocrítica
When you define self-loathing, you’ll connect it with self-criticism and negative self-talk that influences your saúde mental negativamente.
You’ve spent most of your life thinking negatively about yourself, your actions, and your choices.
Whatever you do–someone else could have done it better. Whatever you accomplish–you could have done better.
Sounds familiar, right? No matter what happens in your life, you’re always to blame for all the negative consequences, which eventually awakened your desire for self-harm.
When you come to think about it, you don’t treat others this way. When someone else makes a mistake, you are ready to stop them from feeling responsible.
No entanto, quando se trata da sua vida, de repente transforma-se no seu maior crítico.
Amor-próprio duro
When you use tough love on someone, you don’t let them get away with mistakes. You know what they are capable of, and you don’t allow them to do anything below their real abilities.
Basically, you act harshly and treat them as if you don’t love them to inspire them to do better. You’re a jerk to them so they can take responsibility for their lives and so you could help them in the long run.
Well, in your case, you’re not applying the concept of tough love to your relationship partner, a friend, or a sibling–you’re doing it to yourself.
Embora este tipo de abordagem possa ajudar em certos cenários, atirou-o para o abismo do desespero e do ódio a si próprio na sua situação.
O peso das redes sociais
Today, the most common symptom of self-loathing is seen through someone’s behavior on social media. Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat don’t serve you to stay in touch with your friends or for business purposes.
Instead, they affect you in numerous negative ways. You feel this heavy burden every time you open your News Feed. You feel the need to impress all those strangers on your phone, and you’ve stopped enjoying life.
You’ve become obsessed with the impression your accounts leave. You spend hours and hours looking at other people’s photos and comparing yourself to them.
Apparently, your life is not as impressive as theirs. You don’t have enough money, you don’t travel as much as you would like, and you don’t look as awesome as your followers.
Não foi feito para ser amado
Self-loathing people are convinced that they’re não foi feito para ser amado. After all, if you can’t force yourself to love the person you are, what can you expect from others?
Naturally, this couldn’t be further from the truth. However, this is how your mind works: you think that you’re destined to die alone, and nobody gives a damn about you.
I’m not only talking about romantic love here. You don’t think that a single person in your surroundings exists who genuinely cares about you.
Even worse, deep down, you believe that you are not worthy of anyone’s affection. You’re convinced that there is absolutely nothing to love about you.
You don’t deserve anyone’s attention, time, or effort. Why? Because you’re utterly worthless.
If this is something you can relate to, you not only suffer from low self-esteem; you’re also guilty of self-hatred.
Inveja
I hate to break it to you, but if you’re a self-loather, the chances are that you’re an envious person as well.
Instead of working on yourself, you’re focused on other people’s accomplishments. Everyone seems to be more successful than you, and that eats you alive.
Mas deixem-me fazer-vos uma pergunta: como é que vos afectaria se eles estivessem em pior situação?
Teria magicamente dinheiro suficiente se eles perdessem todo o dinheiro deles? A sua carreira floresceria no momento em que a deles fracassasse? Teria uma vida amorosa feliz se a deles fosse miserável?
You and I both know the answer. So how do their accomplishments impact you? That’s right; they don’t.
I’m asking you to say “no” to envy. Trust me–it’s not hurting anyone but you.
Medo de falhar
“And you ask, ‘What if I fall?’ Oh, but my darling, ‘What if you fly?’” – Erin Hanson
What prevents you from achieving greatness is your fear of failure. You avoid taking any risks since you don’t believe in yourself.
Your self-doubts don’t allow you to think that you’ll succeed. So, you think it’s much better not to try at all. You end up setting low effort goals just to avoid the possibility of failing.
Well, you’re not alone in this because nobody enjoys losing. However, failure is a part of life, whether we like it or not.
Pedir desculpas constantemente
O último, mas certamente não o menos importante ou comum sintoma de ódio a si próprio é a necessidade constante de pedir desculpa.
Look, saying that you’re sorry when you do someone wrong is a sign that you’re a good person who has manners.
No entanto, há uma grande diferença entre ser educado e pedir desculpa a toda a hora pelo mais pequeno incómodo.
By doing that, you’re showing the rest of the world that you consider yourself to be guilty of everything that happens.
Se alguém lhe der um murro, provavelmente pedirá desculpa porque a sua cara ficou no caminho do punho.
What I’m trying to tell you is that your self-hatred has made you walk on eggshells around others without demanding any respect in return.
4 maneiras infalíveis de superar a auto-aversão
Felizmente para si, é possível derrotar estes sentimentos de auto-aversão e mudar o seu auto-conceito. Aqui está um guia passo-a-passo sobre como o fazer da forma mais saudável possível.
Auto-perdão
Antes de mais, é preciso abraçar a arte de auto-perdão. Lembre-se que todos cometemos erros, por que razão levaria os seus tão a sério?
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t learn from your bad choices–you just need to stop beating yourself up because of them.
Forgive yourself for all the times you broke your own heart, for every toxic person you’ve let near you, and for all the missed opportunities.
Moreover, forgive yourself for all the times you didn’t respect, appreciate, and love yourself enough.
Deixar o passado para trás
Outra coisa a que deve deixar de se agarrar é à sua história. Isto está muito ligado ao auto-perdão.
Often enough, your self-loathing sources from the things you did or didn’t do in your past.
Maybe you can’t stand looking at yourself every time you remember how you allowed yourself to be treated.
Maybe you hate yourself for not taking a few chances years ago. Or maybe your self-hatred comes from the way you treated those who didn’t deserve it.
Well, all of this means that you’re self-conscious, which is always a good thing. However, you won’t achieve anything if you hold on to the past.
You can’t change anything about it, so what’s the point of pensar demais? Por favor, façam o vosso melhor para esquecer o passado.
Be brave enough to jump into your future because it’s the only thing you can actually influence.
Desintoxicar o seu círculo social
I don’t care if your parents, siblings, or childhood friends are the ones who make you feel like you’re not worthy–you MUST cut them off.
If it’s necessary, try finding another job or even move to another city to move away from everyone who feeds your insecurities.
Confiem em mim: não se trata de mudanças demasiado radicais. É algo que tem de ser feito.
A sua saúde mental tem de estar em primeiro lugar se quiser melhorar de alguma forma.
Besides, you’re already aware that other people’s opinions impact your sense of value, so you have to get rid of everyone who spreads negativity.
Desintoxique o seu círculo social e rodeie-se de pessoas que só trarão positividade à sua vida, e esteja com pessoas que o ajudarão a encontrar-se a si próprio e que o ajudarão a sair do fundo do poço, em vez de o mandarem para lá.
Autocompaixão
The next step in the process of overcoming self-loathing is all about self-compassion. I bet you know what I’m talking about.
After all, you’re an empático when it comes to others, aren’t you? You understand their point of view, and you find justification for their lousy actions.
Basically, you don’t think of them as bad people for making one wrong choice.
You’re like that with everyone, not just your loved ones. You possess empathy, even for people you don’t know.
To be precise, you’re like that with everyone besides yourself. On the contrary, you keep on judging yourself for every little mistake you make.
It’s like you’re only hard on the person you should love the most. When it comes to you, there are no excuses. You’re the only person in the world who is not allowed to do anything wrong.
Bem, isso tem de mudar o mais depressa possível. Para começar, tente pensar em si como um amigo.
Que conselho daria ao seu ente querido se ele estivesse numa situação semelhante à sua? Aposto que o encorajaria e salientaria todas as suas qualidades positivas e lados bons.
So, what’s stopping you from treating yourself the same way? Don’t be your own inner critic.
Para terminar:
I know it would be best if you could snap your fingers and ditch the self-loathing for good. Well, sadly, things don’t always go as smoothly as you expect them to.
The truth is that you’ve spent years despising yourself. So, you can’t change your entire mindset overnight.
No entanto, garanto-lhe que vai conseguir. Tudo o que tem de fazer é ser persistente e nunca desistir!
