Guía de supervivencia en 16 pasos contra el autodesprecio
La definición del autodesprecio
According to the self-loathing definition, it is the hatred of yourself. But, it’s not that simple: it’s also a deeply rooted belief that you’re not enough and that you’re not worthy of amor propio.
As a self-loathing person, you’re always in search of your new flaws. You’re overwhelmed with self-doubts and negative thoughts that you simply don’t have the strength to get rid of.
Te consideras inútil, inadecuado e insuficiente. You don’t know what to do with your life. You’re convinced that all of your self-hatred is justified and your self-concept is pretty much ruined.
5 fuentes inesperadas de autodesprecio
Self-hate always has its reasons, even though you don’t have to necessarily identify them right away. To defeat it, you have to get to the bottom of your condition.
Tienes que encontrar sus causas profundas y el punto de partida de tu naturaleza autocrítica.
Trauma pasado
In most cases, negative thoughts connected with self-loathing don’t appear out of the blue.
Según la psiquiatría y la psicología, este estado suele estar causado por arraigadas traumas pasados que quizá ni siquiera conozcas.
Sentirse así suele estar estrechamente relacionado con experiencias negativas de la infancia. Casi todas las personas que se odian a sí mismas han pasado toda su vida escuchando críticas.
Desde que tienes uso de razón, nunca fuiste lo bastante bueno para tus padres. Quizá te comparaban con un hermano más exitoso o nunca creyeron en ti.
Por otro lado, tu historia romántica también podría haberte provocado autodesprecio. Si en el pasado alguien que te importaba mucho te abandonó emocionalmente, es posible que hayas empezado a culparte por ello.
Either way, what’s important for you to realize is that each one of our experiences shapes us into the people we are today.
You might be convinced that you forgot about a certain trauma but trust me–they’re all deeply inscribed on your mental health.
Agradar a la gente
Hagas lo que hagas, nunca podrás complacer a todo el mundo. Así que, ¿para qué molestarse en intentarlo?
It’s about time you realize that your people-pleasing traits brought you to this condition in the first place.
The process is actually pretty simple: you do your best for someone to like you; you go out of your way to please them, and, finally, you don’t get the reaction you were expecting.
They don’t appreciate you the way they should, nor do they love you, despite all of your efforts. As a result, you start to blame yourself for it.
You don’t see the people around you as too demanding. You don’t consider them ungrateful and inconsiderate.
En lugar de eso, te odias a ti mismo por no ser capaz de cumplir sus expectativas poco realistas. Parece una locura, lo sé.
However, if you do some introspection, you’ll begin to admit that this has been going on inside your head for years.
Entorno hipercrítico
Whether we like to admit it or not, others have a significant impact on us. After all, we’re all social beings who live in a symbiotic relationship with other people.
Por lo tanto, su influencia es inevitable. Esto se aplica especialmente a nuestros seres queridos.
Verás, tus pensamientos y sentimientos autocríticos tienen un origen.
If you’ve spent most of your life around people who made it clear that they don’t think much of you, your self-esteem never had a chance to grow.
If you’re surrounded by those who keep on diminishing your self-worth and who keep on telling you that nothing you ever do is good enough, the consequences will be devastating.
Knowing all of this, you can’t help but wonder: “Do Me odio because of my hypercritical surroundings?”
To be clear: I’m not trying to free you from responsibility and put the entire blame for your state on someone else.
Sin embargo, lo cierto es que la autocrítica aparece a veces como resultado de la desaprobación.
Perfeccionismo
The next possible cause of self-loathing is the desire to be perfect. It doesn’t matter if others have imposed this aspiration on you, or you’re the one who is chasing perfectionism on your own.
The bottom line is the same: every time you notice that your life is not spotless and that you’re not flawless–you begin with self-hatred.
With time, you’ve adopted the idea that only being the best is good enough. This mindset has inspired you to become better, which is awesome.
However, on the other hand, it has also taken a negative toll on your emotional and mental health. Basically, you beat yourself up every time you don’t meet your high standards.
Every time you notice an imperfection in your character or whenever your life doesn’t look exactly the way you want it to–you think of yourself as a failure.
Normas sociales
Compararse con los demás es un gran no-no, a menos que quieras acabar con un montón de odio a ti mismo y duda de sí mismo. Sin embargo, eso es exactamente lo que haces.
Cuando miras a tu alrededor, parece que a todo el mundo le va mejor que a ti. Tus amigos del instituto son empresarios de éxito; algunos viajan por todo el mundo, los dos siguientes han formado una familia, etc.
En cualquier caso, todos tienen un aspecto fantástico y, al parecer, están viviendo su mejor vida.
Al menos, eso es lo que tienes la oportunidad de ver en sus perfiles de las redes sociales o cuando te cruzas con ellos. Ves a tus amigos y a desconocidos que siempre tienen una sonrisa en la cara.
Entonces miras más de cerca tu vida con todas sus imperfecciones. Te miras en un espejo, escribes tus logros en un papel y ¿qué conclusión sacas?
Well, you’re miserable compared to them. Consequently, your feelings of worthlessness trigger a depressive episode.
All of a sudden, your inner critic wakes up as you realize that you’ll never be able to meet these social standards. You’ll never be as attractive, as smart, or as successful as what is expected of you.
7 síntomas de una mentalidad de autodesprecio
Well, to do something about your self-hate, first of all, you have to be sure that you’re a self-loathing person. Now that you’re confident about the meaning of self-loathing and its causes, it’s time to look at the symptoms.
Autocrítica
When you define self-loathing, you’ll connect it with self-criticism and negative self-talk that influences your salud mental negativamente.
You’ve spent most of your life thinking negatively about yourself, your actions, and your choices.
Whatever you do–someone else could have done it better. Whatever you accomplish–you could have done better.
Sounds familiar, right? No matter what happens in your life, you’re always to blame for all the negative consequences, which eventually awakened your desire for self-harm.
When you come to think about it, you don’t treat others this way. When someone else makes a mistake, you are ready to stop them from feeling responsible.
Sin embargo, cuando se trata de tu vida, de repente te conviertes en el mayor crítico.
Duro amor propio
When you use tough love on someone, you don’t let them get away with mistakes. You know what they are capable of, and you don’t allow them to do anything below their real abilities.
Basically, you act harshly and treat them as if you don’t love them to inspire them to do better. You’re a jerk to them so they can take responsibility for their lives and so you could help them in the long run.
Well, in your case, you’re not applying the concept of tough love to your relationship partner, a friend, or a sibling–you’re doing it to yourself.
Aunque este tipo de enfoque puede ayudar en ciertos escenarios, te ha arrojado al abismo de la desesperación y el auto-odio en tu situación.
El peso de las redes sociales
Today, the most common symptom of self-loathing is seen through someone’s behavior on social media. Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat don’t serve you to stay in touch with your friends or for business purposes.
Instead, they affect you in numerous negative ways. You feel this heavy burden every time you open your News Feed. You feel the need to impress all those strangers on your phone, and you’ve stopped enjoying life.
You’ve become obsessed with the impression your accounts leave. You spend hours and hours looking at other people’s photos and comparing yourself to them.
Apparently, your life is not as impressive as theirs. You don’t have enough money, you don’t travel as much as you would like, and you don’t look as awesome as your followers.
No destinado a ser amado
Self-loathing people are convinced that they’re no destinado a ser amado. After all, if you can’t force yourself to love the person you are, what can you expect from others?
Naturally, this couldn’t be further from the truth. However, this is how your mind works: you think that you’re destined to die alone, and nobody gives a damn about you.
I’m not only talking about romantic love here. You don’t think that a single person in your surroundings exists who genuinely cares about you.
Even worse, deep down, you believe that you are not worthy of anyone’s affection. You’re convinced that there is absolutely nothing to love about you.
You don’t deserve anyone’s attention, time, or effort. Why? Because you’re utterly worthless.
If this is something you can relate to, you not only suffer from low self-esteem; you’re also guilty of self-hatred.
Envidia
I hate to break it to you, but if you’re a self-loather, the chances are that you’re an envious person as well.
Instead of working on yourself, you’re focused on other people’s accomplishments. Everyone seems to be more successful than you, and that eats you alive.
Pero, déjame hacerte una pregunta: ¿cómo te afectaría que ellos lo tuvieran peor?
¿Tendrías dinero suficiente por arte de magia si ellos perdieran todo el suyo? ¿Florecería tu carrera en el momento en que la suya fracasara? ¿Tendrías una vida amorosa feliz si la suya fuera miserable?
You and I both know the answer. So how do their accomplishments impact you? That’s right; they don’t.
I’m asking you to say “no” to envy. Trust me–it’s not hurting anyone but you.
Miedo al fracaso
“And you ask, ‘What if I fall?’ Oh, but my darling, ‘What if you fly?’” – Erin Hanson
What prevents you from achieving greatness is your fear of failure. You avoid taking any risks since you don’t believe in yourself.
Your self-doubts don’t allow you to think that you’ll succeed. So, you think it’s much better not to try at all. You end up setting low effort goals just to avoid the possibility of failing.
Well, you’re not alone in this because nobody enjoys losing. However, failure is a part of life, whether we like it or not.
Disculparse constantemente
El último síntoma, pero no por ello el menos importante o común, de odio a sí mismo es la necesidad constante de disculparse.
Look, saying that you’re sorry when you do someone wrong is a sign that you’re a good person who has manners.
Sin embargo, hay una gran diferencia entre ser cortés y disculparse todo el tiempo por el más mínimo inconveniente.
By doing that, you’re showing the rest of the world that you consider yourself to be guilty of everything that happens.
Si alguien te da un puñetazo, probablemente te disculparías porque tu cara se interpuso en el camino de su puño.
What I’m trying to tell you is that your self-hatred has made you walk on eggshells around others without demanding any respect in return.
4 métodos infalibles para superar el autodesprecio
Por suerte para ti, es posible vencer estos sentimientos de autodesprecio y cambiar el concepto que tienes de ti mismo. Aquí tienes una guía paso a paso sobre cómo hacerlo de la forma más saludable posible.
Autoperdón
Ante todo, hay que adoptar el arte de autoperdón. Recuerda que todos cometemos errores, así que ¿por qué tomarte tan en serio los tuyos?
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t learn from your bad choices–you just need to stop beating yourself up because of them.
Forgive yourself for all the times you broke your own heart, for every toxic person you’ve let near you, and for all the missed opportunities.
Moreover, forgive yourself for all the times you didn’t respect, appreciate, and love yourself enough.
Dejar atrás el pasado
Otra cosa a la que debes dejar de aferrarte es a tu historia. Esto está muy relacionado con el auto-perdón.
Often enough, your self-loathing sources from the things you did or didn’t do in your past.
Maybe you can’t stand looking at yourself every time you remember how you allowed yourself to be treated.
Maybe you hate yourself for not taking a few chances years ago. Or maybe your self-hatred comes from the way you treated those who didn’t deserve it.
Well, all of this means that you’re self-conscious, which is always a good thing. However, you won’t achieve anything if you hold on to the past.
You can’t change anything about it, so what’s the point of pensando demasiado? Por favor, haz todo lo posible por dejar atrás el pasado.
Be brave enough to jump into your future because it’s the only thing you can actually influence.
Desintoxicar su círculo social
I don’t care if your parents, siblings, or childhood friends are the ones who make you feel like you’re not worthy–you MUST cut them off.
If it’s necessary, try finding another job or even move to another city to move away from everyone who feeds your insecurities.
Créame: no son cambios demasiado radicales. Es algo que hay que hacer.
Tu salud mental tiene que ser lo primero si quieres algún tipo de mejora.
Besides, you’re already aware that other people’s opinions impact your sense of value, so you have to get rid of everyone who spreads negativity.
Desintoxica tu círculo social y rodéate de aquellos que no aportarán nada más que positividad a tu vida, y estate con gente que te ayude a encontrarte a ti mismo y te eche una mano para levantarte desde abajo, en lugar de enviarte allí.
Autocompasión
The next step in the process of overcoming self-loathing is all about self-compassion. I bet you know what I’m talking about.
After all, you’re an empático when it comes to others, aren’t you? You understand their point of view, and you find justification for their lousy actions.
Basically, you don’t think of them as bad people for making one wrong choice.
You’re like that with everyone, not just your loved ones. You possess empathy, even for people you don’t know.
To be precise, you’re like that with everyone besides yourself. On the contrary, you keep on judging yourself for every little mistake you make.
It’s like you’re only hard on the person you should love the most. When it comes to you, there are no excuses. You’re the only person in the world who is not allowed to do anything wrong.
Pues eso tiene que cambiar cuanto antes. Para empezar, intenta pensar en ti como en un amigo.
¿Qué consejo le darías a tu ser querido si se encontrara en una situación similar a la tuya? Seguro que le animarías y destacarías todas sus cualidades positivas y su lado bueno.
So, what’s stopping you from treating yourself the same way? Don’t be your own inner critic.
Para terminar:
I know it would be best if you could snap your fingers and ditch the self-loathing for good. Well, sadly, things don’t always go as smoothly as you expect them to.
The truth is that you’ve spent years despising yourself. So, you can’t change your entire mindset overnight.
Sin embargo, te aseguro que lo conseguirás. Lo único que tienes que hacer es ser perseverante y no rendirte nunca.
