Uma carta para o narcisista que me destruiu

Caro “You” ,

I don’t even want to give you a name. You don’t deserve one. You will be referred to as “You” and that’s the kindest thing I could have ever said to you.

This impersonal, cold, distant pronoun. You don’t deserve anything better. How are “You” ?

Is the sun still shining brightly through your windows? Or did you cover them up with dark curtains to avoid the light—to live in the darkness like I do?

I guess you didn’t. Nothing has changed about the way you look at things.

Tu roubaste-me. Ponto final. Sugaste-me até à exaustão. Ponto final. Destruíram-me. Ponto final. Passaste para a próxima. Ponto final.

Oh, that poor girl. She doesn’t even know what awaits her. She has no idea.

Ela pensa que és o melhor que há. Ela acha que you’re going to give her the world.

Ela pensa que tu usas o teu coração na tua manga. Ela acha que encontrou a pessoa certa.

Ela é uma tola como eu era.

Nothing was ever about me, was it? Everything was about you. If you had a bad day, I had to suffer. If your life wasn’t going the right way, I had to pay for it.

You had such power over me. I really can’t imagine why and how I let you do that.

It’s either that I was too weak to fight you, or you were too strong in your mind-playing that I didn’t even stand a chance.

Estava a convencer-me de coisas que não são reais. Fizeste-me uma lavagem cerebral. Transformaste-me num pequeno fantoche obediente.

I was the one who had to dance to the music you were playing. You’re really something.

You never managed to at least pretend you are not in love with yourself. I was a ‘third wheel’ in our relationship although it was just the two of us.

Embora te culpe por muitas coisas, também me culpo a mim. Devia ter percebido o que se estava a passar. Na verdade, eu sabia o que se estava a passar, mas recusei-me a acreditar.

I refused to acknowledge that was happening to me. I refused to accept I’d fallen into a trap. I refused to see you as you were—a narcissistic piece of s**t.

Tentei fazer com que nós os dois funcionássemos. Eras um desafio para mim e eu nunca me afasto de um desafio. Pensei que te podia mudar. Enganei-me redondamente.

I was addicted to you. You were my fix. Every time I needed a dose I would come back. I was afraid to be alone so I went back for a fix of you—every single time.

The only thing that I got from you was humiliation. I got someone who thought he was better than me—someone who thought he was better than anybody else.

Nas nossas vidas, eu vinha sempre em segundo lugar. Eu vinha sempre logo a seguir a ti.

“You”! “You” destruiu-me. Manipulaste-me. Insultaste-me. Tirou-me a vida.

Roubaste-me todos os meus sentimentos. Deixaste-me entorpecido. Tornaste-me indiferente.

As tuas palavras afiadas e frias treinaram-me para não sentir absolutamente nada. Durante as nossas discussões, limitava-me a ficar sentado a olhar para um ponto apagado na parede, à espera que acabasses.

I just moved my head like a zombie in an approving manner—just to make you stop. I agreed to everything you said.

Só para te fazer parar. Só para apreciar o silêncio novamente.

I really can’t say at what point I gained enough strength and courage to call the things by their real names—to see clearly for the first time after a long time.

Was it because I had nothing left to lose? Was it because I was so indifferent that I didn’t care what is going to happen to me anymore?

I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I had enough. You took everything from me. You drained me. I had nothing else left to give you.

Maybe you were the one who let me go because I wasn’t of use anymore. All that was left of me was an empty shell.

You don’t need empty shells. You need someone’s energy to feed off of. And I didn’t have it anymore.

Now, it’s her turn to feed you and to become a simple outline of the beautiful woman she was before.

Mas sabes que mais? Preenchi o meu esboço. Preenchi o meu esboço com cores bonitas. Enquanto continuava a viver a minha vida sem ti, fui acrescentando cores uma a uma.

Passado algum tempo, terminei a minha obra de arte. Terminei a minha obra de arte. Acabei-me a mim próprio.

Ver também: Como superar o narcisista