Uma carta para o homem que me tomou por garantido

Nunca te pedi para entrares na minha vida. Tu é que quiseste fazer parte dela.

Inscreveste-te em tudo por tua conta. Querias partilhar a tua vida comigo e querias que eu te deixasse entrar na minha.

You were so convincing because in some moments I saw you looking at me like I was everything you’d been looking for.

You used all your ‘resources’ to make me fall for you.

Eras simpático e atencioso e, para além de tudo, encantador. Eras engraçado e esforçavas-te tanto para que eu reparasse em ti que achei que seria uma boa ideia dar-te uma oportunidade, apesar de pareceres demasiado bom para ser verdade.

Apesar de ter deixado para trás algumas relações falhadas, convenci-me de que, pelo menos, merecia uma oportunidade pelos seus esforços.

You deserved my time and you deserved my attention. You worked so hard for it. Something wasn’t right from the start, I could sense it from the very beginning, but I told myself it was just o meu receio de que o passado se possa repetir.

…and …I decided to give us a shot. I decided to believe your words and give my trust to you.

Little by little I noticed I was falling for you. Actually, it wasn’t just little by little, it was falling all at once.

Infelizmente, caí de cara no chão.

Enquanto as minhas borboletas despertavam, tu envenenavas as tuas e fazias com que desaparecessem.

I guess I wasn’t what you expected me to be; you thought I’d be a sucker for your manipulative games or be like all the others naive girls you dated. But I wasn’t. Because I despise games.

I despise playing with other people’s feelings because I was played with, too.

And it destroyed me. It hurt me to the point when I couldn’t take any more of it. With you, I played all my cards out in the open. I played fair.

I showed you everything I had so you’d know what you were getting yourself into.

Gostava que tivesses feito o mesmo por mim. Gostava que tivesses sido honesto. Amei-te como esperava ser amada um dia.

I wanted to believe you were the one and that if I was honest, you’d be honest too. So I held nothing back.

Nunca te magoei, estive lá para ti quando mais ninguém estava, estive lá quando precisaste de mim e mesmo quando não fazias ideia de que também precisavas de mim.

I valued you and appreciated you for who you were. I didn’t want to change you, I just wanted you to do the same for me as I was doing for you.

I always listened to you. I tried to tend to your needs and I tried to make you happy, you know. I wanted us to work out and that’s the main reason why I fought so hard for your love.

Que idiota que eu era, que tola que eu era, lutando pelo amor de um homem que nunca planeou amar-me, nem sequer para começar.

All those things I did, I didn’t do them so you’d thank me, I didn’t do those things so you’d feel like you owed me, I did them because I felt like it. I did them because I thought you deserved them.

Fi-los porque era a coisa certa a fazer e eu queria amar-te como deve ser.

But you didn’t bother trying half as much as I did. It looked like you needed me just to fall for you and then your job was done.

Then you’d have someone to love you, to take care of you and your needs, someone to be there for you without feeling like you had to reciprocate their efforts at all.

Passado algum tempo, depois de ter sido tocada pelas tuas mãos e depois de te ter sido negada, depois de me ter dado toda e não ter recebido nada em troca, depois de ter corrido para ti só para ver que não estavas ansioso por me ter nos teus braços, reparei que um estranho me olhava ao espelho.

Sentia-me como se fosse uma vítima e não mais um guerreiro, como se toda a vida tivesse sido sugada de mim.

Out all the relationships I’ve been through, the one with you was the most heartbreaking, you know?

Fizeste-me sentir como se eu fosse um desperdício do teu tempo, como se todos os meus esforços não valessem nada e ainda esperavas que eu fizesse tudo o que fazia por ti, como se te devesse todas essas coisas.

The truth is, I owed you nothing. I should’ve stopped trying the same time you did. You didn’t deserve even an ounce of what I gave you. 

Tratar-te como eu te tratei foi um erro. Colocar-te num pedestal foi um erro.

Tomaste a mulher errada por garantida.

If you thought I’d still be there for you even after the way you made me feel, even after you showed me you couldn’t care less about me, you’ve got me all wrong.

Continuo a ter uma lista de prioridades e coloquei o meu nome no topo da mesma!

At the end of the day, I know I did my best. I know I’ve tried and you didn’t.

There is nothing else to do than to show you how it feels to be without all those things I did for you. Perhaps you will learn to appreciate me once you don’t have me in your life anymore. Perhaps you will be missing all those things I did for you that you barely noticed when I was next to you.

It doesn’t really matter, it is already too late.

I’ll learn from my mistakes and I’ll do my best to not repeat the same mistakes I made with you. The minute I see someone is taking me for granted, I’m walking away.