Você é um covarde por me fazer apaixonar por você sem nenhuma intenção de me amar de volta

Havia uma rapariga que o amava de forma ingénua e pura, do fundo do coração.

Havia uma rapariga que aguardava o seu telefonema dia e noite e que, por muito magoada que estivesse depois de ter perdido a chamada durante dias, ficava feliz quando finalmente decidia telefonar.

She’d instantly forgot the gut-tearing-apart pain once your name appeared on her screen.

There was this girl that took up the task of loving you as a full-time job and she worked really hard to lift the career of ‘your girlfriend’ to the next level.

Para ela, amar-te era a essência da vida. Eras o seu primeiro pensamento quando acordava e o seu último desejo antes de adormecer.

You were in her every plan, you had a place in every day she lived, and you were her choice—always.

She’d enjoy looking at your photos and she’d read your messages all over again.

When you were gone, she couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat, and she couldn’t think straight.

It’s like you found the way to crawl into every cell she had in her body and she couldn’t function without you.

And you hated her for it, but that’s the way you needed her to be—that’s the way you wanted her to be, isn’t it?

She wasn’t like this on her own. She didn’t just see you and all of the sudden become unable to live without you.

She wasn’t the first one to choose—you were the one that made her fall for you.

Foste tu que despertaste o seu amor. Acostumaste-a às tuas chamadas, mensagens, conversas doces, amor, estar por perto e fazê-la sentir-se especial. Fizeste com que ela se apaixonasse por ti.

E depois recuou.

Ver também: As minhas despedidas são para sempre

Porquê?

You shouldn’t have made her fall in love knowing you had no intention to catch her. You shouldn’t have made her feel things you were too weak to reciprocate.

Because she’ll never forget the pain you caused. She’ll never be the same after. If you are not man enough to love her, why did you waste her time?

Sempre me perguntei porque fizeste o que me fizeste. Sabes muito bem que aquela rapariga sou eu ou, pelo menos, era eu.

I just think it’s more convenient to refer to the person you made out of me as if it’s somebody else—like it’s some other girl, like it’s ela e não eu because I don’t feel like that girl anymore.

I don’t feel it’s me, but I know it damn well it was me. I just can’t stop wondering what you did to me that made me want you more than I wanted to live.

You ever have things you can’t stop regretting in your life? I swear to God I have no idea whether to hate you or thank you for doing what you did to me.

Eras uma lição, na verdade eras a lesson, but I can’t help but wonder if I could have gone without it in life.

I only know I’d hate myself if I ever decided to let you in again. I’d cut my wrists before giving you another chance. I need to think I washed you off of my body, my mind, and my heart.

Preciso de saber que, apesar de teres encontrado a forma de rastejar dentro de cada célula do meu corpo, eventualmente, cada uma das células que tenho regenerou-se e agora, não há uma única célula do meu corpo tocada ou beijada por ti.

If it didn’t happen by now, it will happen soon. And you’ll be erased from my body and my system forever. And it feels so good to know this.

One of the things that’s moving me forward is this immense strength I have and desire to prove to you I am so damn good—I am lovable and that there is somebody out there who’ll pull me close and make me realize I’m worthy, I’m able to love and let myself go again.

Ver também: Vai-te lixar por a fazeres pensar que ela é que não é amável

Thanks to you, I’ll choose better next time.

I promise I’ll have somebody better than you, just like I swear to you you’ll never have somebody as good as I was.