There was this girl that loved you naively and purely from the bottom of her heart.
There was this girl that awaited your call day and night and no matter how hurt she was after that call was missing for days, she was happy once you finally decided to call.
She’d instantly forgot the gut-tearing-apart pain once your name appeared on her screen.
There was this girl that took up the task of loving you as a full-time job and she worked really hard to lift the career of ‘your girlfriend’ to the next level.
To her, loving you was an essence of life. You were her first thought when she woke up and you were her last wish before she fell asleep.
You were in her every plan, you had a place in every day she lived, and you were her choice—always.
She’d enjoy looking at your photos and she’d read your messages all over again.
When you were gone, she couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat, and she couldn’t think straight.
It’s like you found the way to crawl into every cell she had in her body and she couldn’t function without you.
And you hated her for it, but that’s the way you needed her to be—that’s the way you wanted her to be, isn’t it?
She wasn’t like this on her own. She didn’t just see you and all of the sudden become unable to live without you.
She wasn’t the first one to choose—you were the one that made her fall for you.
You were the one that awakened her love. You got her used to your calls, messages, sweet talk, love, being around, and making her feel special. You made her fall head over heels for you.
And then you pulled back.
See also: My Goodbyes Are Forever
You shouldn’t have made her fall in love knowing you had no intention to catch her. You shouldn’t have made her feel things you were too weak to reciprocate.
Because she’ll never forget the pain you caused. She’ll never be the same after. If you are not man enough to love her, why did you waste her time?
I always kept wondering why you did what you did to me. You know damn well that girl is me or at least it was me.
I just think it’s more convenient to refer to the person you made out of me as if it’s somebody else—like it’s some other girl, like it’s she and not me because I don’t feel like that girl anymore.
I don’t feel it’s me, but I know it damn well it was me. I just can’t stop wondering what you did to me that made me want you more than I wanted to live.
You ever have things you can’t stop regretting in your life? I swear to God I have no idea whether to hate you or thank you for doing what you did to me.
You were a lesson, actually you were the lesson, but I can’t help but wonder if I could have gone without it in life.
I only know I’d hate myself if I ever decided to let you in again. I’d cut my wrists before giving you another chance. I need to think I washed you off of my body, my mind, and my heart.
I need to know that even though you found the way to crawl inside every cell of my body, eventually, each and every cell I have got has regenerated and now, there is not a single cell in my body touched or kissed by you.
If it didn’t happen by now, it will happen soon. And you’ll be erased from my body and my system forever. And it feels so good to know this.
One of the things that’s moving me forward is this immense strength I have and desire to prove to you I am so damn good—I am lovable and that there is somebody out there who’ll pull me close and make me realize I’m worthy, I’m able to love and let myself go again.
See also: Screw You For Making Her Think She’s the Unlovable One
Thanks to you, I’ll choose better next time.
I promise I’ll have somebody better than you, just like I swear to you you’ll never have somebody as good as I was.