A culpa é sua se o seu parceiro o trai?

We’ve all ignored some red flags at least once. When you really like someone, you want them to be the one even if deep down you know they’re not.

Sometimes it’s some minor red flags, but there are coisas como a batota que nunca devemos ignorar. No entanto, isto é mais fácil de dizer do que de fazer.

Once you’re over them you always quickly realize it was too obvious and you should have known. The reality is – recognizing red flags is not so simple when you’re in love. 

Enquanto estava a percorrer o TikTok, deparei-me com um vídeo of a podcast about cheating that left me with mixed feelings about it. I was both annoyed and intrigued by the statement of a woman who said that it’s our fault when someone cheats on us. 

Who’s to blame when cheating happens?

Sadia Khan (@sadiapsicologia), um treinador de relações apareceu num podcast e deixou toda a gente sem palavras com a sua declaração ousada. O vídeo começa com ela a dizer:

“If you ever get cheated on, I know people hate me for this, but it’s usually your fault. And the reason I say that particularly with men a cheating woman shows you every red flag from day one. If you choose to ignore red flags, you’ll pay the price.”

If this ain’s something you’re gonna think about tonight when you go to sleep, I don’t know what it is. I mean, it’s something that gets you thinking about all the signs that might have been in front of you the whole time but you still didn’t do anything about it. 

No entanto, é realmente justo culpar a pessoa que foi traída? She definitely sparked some debate with that statement. One person didn’t agree with her at all and commented:

“If someone cheats on you it’s never your fault because there is no excuse for cheating, period.”

Alguns, por outro lado, admitiram os seus erros e disseram que ela tinha razão:

“It’s true. I didn’t follow my gut and lied to myself. Never again.”

As pessoas também disseram it’s not always the case that someone sees the red flags but stays anyway. Some people are new to the dating scene and actually don’t realize they’re being manipulated. As one user commented:

“True but if you’re inexperienced you have no idea lmao.”

So the question that remains is, what are those red flags she’s talking about so much? 

Como reconhecer um batoteiro?

Sadia said that cheaters always show who they are and it’s only up to us to see their true colors. You can’t be a cheater and be moral at the same time, right?

Os batoteiros mostrarão sempre os seus valores em algum momento and we shouldn’t ignore them if they sound questionable.

Asking about their past is also not a bad idea. It usually tells a lot about a person, although that’s not always the case. But you know what people say, uma vez batoteiro, sempre batoteiro. 

Sadia mentions she deals with a lot of clients who get cheated on, some even for years. She said they’re basically consenting because there’s no way they can’t figure out some of the obvious signs.

Como ela explicou:

“There would have been late replies, there would have been days their phones are off, not telling you where they’re going, their social media would have suggested something. There would have been signs you chose to ignore and the price you pay for that unfortunately is infidelity.”

Depois de explicar a sua declaração, as pessoas aperceberam-se de que ela podia ter razão e que isto era apenas the ugly truth others don’t want to face. Como admitiu uma mulher:

“It’s not nice to hear if you’ve been cheated on….but it is absolutely true 👍”

Some people still don’t agree because they think sometimes it’s simply impossible to know and predict what someone is going to do. Someone wrote:

“Nauuuur! He told me he was cheated by his recent one. I let my guard down and thought he wouldn’t cheat because he got cheated on already.”

A Sadia começou realmente uma discussão acesa com esta opinião! O que é que vocês acham? Devemos culpar a pessoa que viveu a infidelidade ou a que a cometeu?