¿Es culpa tuya si tu pareja te engaña?

We’ve all ignored some red flags at least once. When you really like someone, you want them to be the one even if deep down you know they’re not.

Sometimes it’s some minor red flags, but there are cosas como el engaño que nunca debemos pasar por alto. Sin embargo, es más fácil decirlo que hacerlo.

Once you’re over them you always quickly realize it was too obvious and you should have known. The reality is – recognizing red flags is not so simple when you’re in love. 

Mientras me desplazaba por TikTok, me topé con un vídeo of a podcast about cheating that left me with mixed feelings about it. I was both annoyed and intrigued by the statement of a woman who said that it’s our fault when someone cheats on us. 

Who’s to blame when cheating happens?

Sadia Khan (@sadiapsychology), un entrenador de relaciones apareció en un podcast y dejó a todos boquiabiertos con su audaz declaración. El vídeo comienza con ella diciendo:

“If you ever get cheated on, I know people hate me for this, but it’s usually your fault. And the reason I say that particularly with men a cheating woman shows you every red flag from day one. If you choose to ignore red flags, you’ll pay the price.”

If this ain’s something you’re gonna think about tonight when you go to sleep, I don’t know what it is. I mean, it’s something that gets you thinking about all the signs that might have been in front of you the whole time but you still didn’t do anything about it. 

Sin embargo, ¿es realmente justo culpar a la persona engañada? She definitely sparked some debate with that statement. One person didn’t agree with her at all and commented:

“If someone cheats on you it’s never your fault because there is no excuse for cheating, period.”

Otros, en cambio, admitieron sus errores y dijeron que ella tenía razón:

“It’s true. I didn’t follow my gut and lied to myself. Never again.”

La gente también decía it’s not always the case that someone sees the red flags but stays anyway. Some people are new to the dating scene and actually don’t realize they’re being manipulated. As one user commented:

“True but if you’re inexperienced you have no idea lmao.”

So the question that remains is, what are those red flags she’s talking about so much? 

¿Cómo reconocer a un infiel?

Sadia said that cheaters always show who they are and it’s only up to us to see their true colors. You can’t be a cheater and be moral at the same time, right?

Los tramposos siempre mostrarán sus valores en algún momento and we shouldn’t ignore them if they sound questionable.

Asking about their past is also not a bad idea. It usually tells a lot about a person, although that’s not always the case. But you know what people say, una vez tramposo, siempre tramposo. 

Sadia mentions she deals with a lot of clients who get cheated on, some even for years. She said they’re basically consenting because there’s no way they can’t figure out some of the obvious signs.

Como ella misma explicó:

“There would have been late replies, there would have been days their phones are off, not telling you where they’re going, their social media would have suggested something. There would have been signs you chose to ignore and the price you pay for that unfortunately is infidelity.”

Después de que ella explicó su declaración, la gente se dio cuenta de que podría tener razón y esto es sólo the ugly truth others don’t want to face. Como admitió una mujer:

“It’s not nice to hear if you’ve been cheated on….but it is absolutely true 👍”

Some people still don’t agree because they think sometimes it’s simply impossible to know and predict what someone is going to do. Someone wrote:

“Nauuuur! He told me he was cheated by his recent one. I let my guard down and thought he wouldn’t cheat because he got cheated on already.”

Sadia ha provocado una acalorada discusión con esta opinión. ¿Qué opináis vosotros? ¿Debemos culpar al que sufrió la infidelidad o al que la cometió?