De um homem para uma mulher: A importância de te amares primeiro a ti próprio

My worst childhood memory includes waking up to the sound of my father’s voice yelling and screaming at my mother, for no apparent reason. I will never forget her tears. They were pouring from her beautiful brown eyes and it seemed like they would never stop.

The next day everything would be ok. She would put a smile on her face. She would fix us lunch. She would do her best to make him happy, even though the only thing he ever did was make her sad. I couldn’t make sense out of the whole situation playing out in front of my eyes.

You see, my father wasn’t someone you could call um homem in the real sense of that word. He was a worthless jackass whose life’s mission was to make my mother as miserable as he possibly could. He knew how much she cared and he would use it against her.

For that one time he would treat her right and land the stars from the sky right into her lap, he would ruin it with other ten times he would treat her like crap. There were days when she couldn’t say anything right in his opinion. He would disrespect her, talk down to her and show her in every possible way that she isn’t enough.

Ainda não sei muito bem como é que ele conseguiu manipulá-la tão habilmente. Tudo o que ele fez acabou por ser culpa dela. Ele jogava o papel da vítima so accurately that he almost had me going, even though I knew that the things coming out of his mouth couldn’t be further from the truth.

Partiu-me o coração vê-la assim. Ele estava a destruí-la emocionalmente. Sempre que ele a maltratava, ela perdoava-lhe. Sempre que ela se queria ir embora, ele fazia-se de simpático durante algum tempo e, assim que via que a tinha, voltava a ser o seu eu deplorável.

I begged my mother to leave. I begged her to put herself before him. I knew that she could have a better, more peaceful life without him. But she couldn’t leave. I don’t know if it was love or her fear of being alone and starting over again.

She only left when it was too late. When the emotional abuse turned to physical. I had mixed feelings about it. I was sorry for her getting hurt, but I was so glad she finally got the courage to go from my father’s claws. We were both better off without him. And years later, when she finally rebuilt her life and learned to love herself, she told me that the only thing she regrets is not leaving sooner.

My regret is the same. I wish I never had to see her go through that. I wish I never heard that yelling and crying. But there is one positive thing I learned from my father: he taught me how not to treat women and why it’s crucial for them to love themselves first.

A minha própria experiência levou-me a escrever este artigo e a dar alguns conselhos a todas as mulheres que se mantêm em relações erradas, que se contentam com menos do que merecem e que toleram o intolerável. It’s time you pack up your bags and leave. Don’t wait until his abuse turns into physical. Just because he didn’t hit you doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt you with his words and his actions just the same.

To be in any kind of relationship, it’s important to love yourself first. It’s important to put yourself in the highest position on your list of priorities. Only then will you have a chance for true love. When you are happy and comfortable being on your own, you won’t tolerate someone treating you like you are less.

Abandonarás as relações em que te consideram um dado adquirido. You will know that everything you give to somebody else should be reciprocated. That you shouldn’t give your whole self to somebody who isn’t completely in that relationship with you. You will not settle for occasional glimpses of happiness when you knowyou deserve more.

É preciso descobrir o nosso valor e agarrarmo-nos firmemente a esse sentimento. Don’t give anybody but yourself the power to determine your worth. Just because somebody treats you like you are not enough is no reason to start believing it yourself. He is the one who isn’t enough. He is the one who has issues and insecurities and is reflecting them on you. He is the one who is not enough for you. And he shouldn’t be a part of your life.

Your love shouldn’t be used against you. Your kindness, commitment, and devotion to him shouldn’t be looked upon as weaknesses. Um homem de verdade ficaria mais do que feliz em ter uma mulher assim ao seu lado, mas um marginal só vai usar essas características como uma ferramenta para manipulá-la e fazer com que você faça as coisas do jeito dele.

Se se sentir manipulado ou controlado, vá-se embora sem pensar duas vezes. Não é isso que se sente quando se está numa relação saudável. Quando se está com um homem a sério, não há jogos de culpas nem se faz de vítima sempre que pode. Não vai haver jogos de culpar e fazer-se de vítima sempre que puder quando estiver com um homem a sério. Não há como rebaixá-la para se sentir superior ou melhor do que você.

What will be—and what should be—is respect, honesty, trust and love all the way. When you are with the right man, he will make you feel like the world is yours to conquer. He won’t prey on your fears and insecurities. He will call them irrelevant and urge you to fight through them and achieve more.

So wait for that man and never settle for anything less. Love yourself enough to walk away from anything that doesn’t make you feel loved, cherished and safe. Be with someone with whom even a rainy day will feel good because you are shining from within.

First and foremost you have to work on the most important relationship you are in—the one you have with yourself. That relationship will set the tone for all the other ones you are in.

por Owen Scott