O meu "felizes para sempre" acabou por ser o meu pior pesadelo

Contos de fadas e felizes para sempre existem, mas também existem coisas tão horríveis como a traição e a infidelidade. Quer se traia ou se seja traído, a infidelidade ensina-nos algumas lições importantes sobre relações. Por acaso, fui eu que a recebi e acabou por ser uma das experiências mais dolorosas e devastadoras da minha vida.

Quando me deparei com a amarga realidade de que o meu suposto conto de fadas não passou de uma farsa, it was like someone had pulled the rug from under my feet. It seemed like I was falling into a deep, dark pit and I am falling and falling and couldn’t seem to stop! When I had all the solid proof in front of me, I literally froze. It was mind-numbing feeling.

But I must say, as so many other people say in my position, that I should have seen it coming. When something seems too perfect, it surely isn’t. When you face the bitter facts, it looks like the fog has cleared. No one should make the same mistake that I did. I should confess that I have always been a positive person. There is nothing wrong with that but I was positive to such an extent that it has allowed people in general – friends, family, colleagues to walk all over me. I have always been inclined to see the good in people, no matter what. It was my life ideology.

But one needs to know this – clear as day – people can be horrible, mean and insensitive and no amount of good you do for them is going to change them. Yes, there are good people and there are bad people and this awful experience of being cheated on made me realize that I couldn’t go on being empathic and understanding towards people who hurt me. After my boyfriend’s infidelity, no matter how hurtful it was, it taught me about myself. I began to see relationships and love in a whole new light. I came face to face with my own strength which I didn’t think I had.

Às vezes penso que me podia ter salvo de tudo isto. Estava sempre a negar o pressentimento que tinha de que algo não estava bem. O meu namorado, bem como os meus amigos, convenceram-me, com bastante sucesso, que era apenas a minha insegurança, pois nunca tinha estado numa relação amorosa for so long. It had been eight months since we had been going out. During our sixth month together, this feeling just kept nagging at me. That there was someone else. That I wasn’t the only girl in his life.

We did have a lot of mutual friends and knew the same people. But I had started noticing that he had begun to act differently but subtly though. For starters, there were some new additions to his vocabulary which weren’t there in the beginning and we all know for a fact that when we spend a lot of time with someone, we do pick up the things they say and how they say it.

Essa foi a primeira coisa, mas deixei passar. Depois, houve alguns casos em que ele desaparecia durante 2-3 horas e me mentia na cara que a bateria do telemóvel tinha acabado. Sempre que isso acontecia, os dias que se seguiam eram de uma felicidade total e eu costumava repreender-me por dar largas à minha imaginação. Na realidade, era ele a tentar compensar o facto de me ter enganado.

I discussed all of this with our close friend but all I got in response was that I was being paranoid and if I don’t stop I’ll end up losing something really great. A steady relationship – which I never had the experience of being in before. So, I just stopped talking about it and ignoring these telltale signs which I obviously shouldn’t have. I am the kind of person who tries to avoid confrontation as much as possible and maybe deep down I didn’t want to find something ugly. And I tried to avoid it for as long as possible. I mean, everything is going so good. We have a great time, have great chemistry, we live together so I can certainly forgive these absences now couldn’t I? I shouldn’t mess it up by being jealous and paranoid.

But I should tell you that this gut feeling mechanism we have – it is there for a reason. The gut feeling that we get – it is nature’s way of informing us. One should never ignore their gut feeling. It never lies. All of us happen to be equipped with an intuition and some of us choose to embrace or ignore it. I acknowledged it alright but never paid much attention to it.

Being cheating on is an awful experience. There is nothing more terrible than knowing that the person you had put all your trust in has broken it. The knowledge that you put your trust in the wrong person who wasn’t worthy of your love, attention, loyalty and most importantly – time, is heartbreaking. Because the time you have given or spent with someone, you are never going to get it back. Ever.

So, I have learned now that I’ll never again doubt my gut feeling or delay acting upon what it suggests. Well, nothing big happened when I got to know about his infidelity. I, who has always been an advocate of personal space and privacy, resorted to using a aplicação de espionagem de cônjuges.

I found out he was meeting with other women in secret and not only that, he had been chatting and sexting with them when I was in the same room! And I thought he had been playing games on his cell phone. As I stated earlier, I had always supported personal growth and privacy so it never occurred to me to check his cell phone before – ever. He knew that too that is why there was no lock on his phone and he had been doing all of this rather confidently.

Li as suas mensagens de texto, acedi aos seus registos de chamadas, às suas conversas nas redes sociais, bem como aos locais onde tinha estado. Foram os piores três dias da minha vida. Tinha ficado completamente entorpecida e quando percebi já tinha tido o suficiente.

Enviei-lhe um e-mail com as capturas de ecrã e fui-me embora.

Yes, I couldn’t say a word. The pain and betrayal were too much to bear and after the things I read, I couldn’t bring myself to see his face. I was filled with this bitter rage, remorse and so much pain that I felt someone had taken out my heart and ripped it into pieces. This was the relationship I had really thought could lead somewhere. But seems like I was more of a backup to show that he could be in a steady relationship. Turns out, he was and can never be a one-woman man.

I believe in forgiveness. I do. Have I forgiven him? No. But I certainly have forgiven myself. I don’t deserve to torture myself by repeatedly asking myself what went wrong. Was she prettier, funnier or smarter than me? I made myself miserable. I deserve to forgive myself for placing my trust in the wrong guy and giving me everything I had to offer. My love, time, emotions. But I cannot berate myself for loving someone who hurt me like this. You forgive your cheating partner or not, that is up to but forgiving yourself is the first most thing you need to do.

My tendency to always look for the good in people is only appreciable when I don’t let them walk all over me. It is no more a good trait if I keep doing it just for the sake of convincing myself that there was good in him – once. More than forgiving him, I deserved my own forgiveness for not packing and leaving sooner.

Foi difícil. Foi emocional e mentalmente destrutivo. Mas ultrapassei-o. Pouco a pouco. A maior lição que aprendi foi que, por vezes, as pessoas de quem mais gostamos são as que mais nos desiludem. No final do dia, poderíamos inventar uma lista de defeitos para nos consolarmos e determinarmos a razão pela qual o nosso o parceiro faria batota. Instead, look at what is good in you and remind yourself, you don’t need a cheater in your life.