Como encontrar o amor para uma mulher com deficiência

Um dos maiores equívocos quando se trata de pessoas com deficiência é que não temos sentimentos ou emoções, ou que não compreendemos o verdadeiro significado do amor ou que não queremos um parceiro, quando, na verdade, todos temos os mesmos desejos que qualquer outra pessoa.

Desde que me lembro, sempre fui o romântico incurável desde muito nova. Desde os 14 anos, sempre me imaginei a casar nas Smoky Mountains do Tennessee, numa pequena cabana com todos os meus amigos e família, enquanto caminhava pelo corredor até ao meu marido no meu andarilho LiteGait roxo.

When it comes to being single with a disability, it could be challenging because you have all these wants and desires when it comes to finding a partner. Some people in society see a disability such as Cerebral Palsy as a negative thing and not something unique. When I was single four years ago, I was talking to a young man who had an issue with me having Cerebral Palsy. He said, “Tylia, you are a beautiful girl, but you are in a wheelchair. It would be different if you were not in a wheelchair, but since you are, I would much rather be friends than anything else.”

Durante algum tempo, isso incomodou-me porque ele era tudo o que eu procurava e tínhamos os mesmos interesses, mas a minha deficiência era um obstáculo para ele, por isso não ia perder o meu tempo com ele.

Quando se trata de eu ser solteiro, tens de aceitar a minha Paralisia Cerebral. Se estamos a falar um com o outro e potencialmente vamos ter uma relação, tens de me aceitar pelo que sou e amar-me pelo meu interior e não pelo meu exterior. A Paralisia Cerebral é o que me torna bonita e nunca vai desaparecer, por isso mais vale aceitá-la e, se não, foi bom conhecer-te e agradeço-te a experiência. Sendo solteira e portadora de uma deficiência, penso que antes de pensar em procurar o amor, já deveria estar apaixonada por si própria. Abrace o seu corpo for the beautiful person that you are as a woman and say, ‘I am me and I love myself’.

The most important thing when it comes to finding love with a disability is to be open and honest about it— do not hide it. For example, four years ago, before meeting my current boyfriend, I created dating profiles on OkCupid and MeetMe.

Eu colocava uma fotografia de perfil de mim próprio sentado numa cadeira de rodas onde fosse visível, porque tenho orgulho na minha condição e na vida que tive devido à minha situação. As experiências de vida que posso partilhar com as pessoas são fantásticas.

A razão pela qual digo para ser honesto sobre a sua deficiência quando vai a sites de encontros é que quer mostrar ao seu potencial parceiro que tem orgulho em quem é e na pessoa em que se tornou devido à sua condição.

The next thing I want to say about being a single woman with a condition such as Cerebral Palsy is that you should not just settle for anything that comes your way; take your time to enjoy single life as a woman with a disability and don’t rush into a relationship right away.

Take your time to explore the world for what it is. As a woman with a disability, I know it can be challenging to be single, especially when you see your friends in relationships and happy with their partners but you have to remember to be patient and to not settle for any man or woman who comes into your life because they may not be the right one or the one you are looking for after all. I have been in several situations where I started talking to a young man just because I hated the fact I was single, when I should not have—I should have let time and destiny take their course. When it comes to finding your perfect match, time is key to everything that happens in life.

Also, when you are single, you should take the time to discover who you are as a person and what you need in a partner versus what you want—for example, I am the type of girl who needs a partner who is ambitious, compassionate, and understanding, a world traveler who brings me inspiration and motivation and who has a great family support system.

What attracted me the most to my boyfriend, when we first started talking online four years ago, was the fact that he was full of motivation and he was ambitious. Despite our similar struggles, he was such a bright person, inside and out, and he was such a positive person, which is something that is very important when it comes to talking to a potential partner with a disability. If that person is not confident and doesn’t have the same views as you do then maybe it is best that you stop talking to them or stop pursuing a relationship with them because eventually they will drag you down with them. You may start to have the same mindset as them and you will never grow together. The way I look at it is if you are talking to somebody and you are single, and you are getting to know them, if you do not see them as being a potential partner who can help you grow in life then you should put them in the friendzone. When it comes to being single with a disability and looking for a partner, you have to set boundaries on what you want, and you have to make it clear to your potential partner that you will not accept certain behaviors and habits and you need to have boundaries. I feel like when it comes to being single and you begin to put yourself out there, it is essential that you set limits for yourself because then that gives you an idea of what you are looking for as the strong independent woman that you are. Even with a disability, whether it be Cerebral Palsy, autism spina bifida, or muscular dystrophy, you have to set boundaries and you have to be clear on what you want, or else you will be confused in the long run.

Estabelecer limites para si próprio pode permitir-lhe ver o que quer num parceiro e o que não quer ver numa pessoa importante. A primeira coisa que costumo fazer quando começo a falar com um jovem é fazer uma lista de prós e contras. É possível fazer uma lista de as boas qualidades da pessoa que potencialmente vai ter uma relação ao lado das coisas más e, se houver demasiadas coisas más, então pode colocá-lo na friend.zone.

No entanto, se não houver demasiadas coisas más, isso é um sinal verde. A coisa mais importante a ter em conta quando se está à procura de um parceiro com deficiência e se está pronto para entrar no mundo dos encontros é aprender a aceitar o seu corpo e ama-te a ti próprio because if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect others to fall in love with you? I hope this article helps any woman with a disability who is looking for love.

por Tylia Flores