Espero que um dia compreendas tudo o que me fizeste passar

Quando olho para a minha vida, muitas pessoas causaram-me diferentes tipos de dor emocional.

There were people whose goal was to play with my heart and to hurt my feelings and there were some who probably didn’t do it on purpose.

Mas o que interessa é que todos eles me magoaram.

And when I think of you, I don’t know in which group to put you.

Estavam a fazer-me passar por tanta dor emocional de propósito ou estavam a fazê-lo apenas porque eram insensíveis e porque nunca tiveram em consideração os meus sentimentos?

De qualquer forma, the point is that the pain you put me through can’t be compared to anything else I’ve experienced in life. E não estou a falar apenas de emoções negativas.

I am trying to tell you that the pain you put me through has been the most intense emotion I’ve ever felt in my life. You may say I am exaggerating but it is the truth.

The emotional pain I felt because of you was stronger than all the happiness I’ve ever felt in my life, of all the excitement and of every single positive emotion I’ve experienced.

Quando penso nisso, é ainda mais forte do que o amor que sentia por ti.

E o pior é que nunca te apercebeste do quanto me magoaste.

De alguma forma, sempre afirmou que eu estava a exagerar e que estava a ser demasiado emocional e sensível.

Estavas sempre a acusar-me de me fazer de vítima ou de que eu era a culpada de todas as coisas que me fazias.

I don’t know if you were acting this way because you couldn’t accept the fact that you were hurting another human being that much. That you were destroying and breaking the woman who loved you.

Talvez fosse mais fácil para ti olhar para as coisas desse ponto de vista do que olhar a verdade nos olhos. Talvez nunca conseguisses aceitar o facto de que eras um monstro que fez da minha vida um inferno.

Ou talvez soubesses o que me estavas a fazer, mas continuaste conscientemente, sem o menor sinal de remorsos.

Seja como for, o facto é que nunca assumiu qualquer responsabilidade pelas suas palavras ou acções em relação a mim.

At least, you never confessed that you were guilty of hurting me and you never acknowledged my pain or all the sacrifices I made for the sake of our relationship. You always acted like you shouldn’t be held accountable for the way you mistreated me.

Como se as minhas lágrimas, as minhas noites sem dormir, as minhas inseguranças que causaste e os meus desgostos não fossem da tua conta.

E, às vezes, acho que esse teu comportamento me magoou ainda mais do que todas as coisas que me fazias.

And that is why I sincerely hope that a day comes when you’ll understand everything you put me through.

But I mean really get it because I don’t want you telling me you understand something just to be the bigger man in both of our eyes.

Don’t get me wrong — despite all the pain you caused me, I still don’t wish for you to experience anything similar.

I don’t want you to go through all the things I went through because that is something I wouldn’t wish for my worst enemy to have to live through.

I don’t want you to be consumed by guilt either. After all, what was done was done and your conscious waking up all of a sudden can’t change anything.

I don’t want you to apologize either. I am not going to lie—it would be nice to hear an honest apology but when I come to think of it, even that wouldn’t make a significant difference inside of me and I am not sure if it would make me feel better.

My pain wouldn’t be erased if you experienced the same. No matter what you do, how you live your life and what happens to you, the scars on my soul will remain.

I just want you to realize what you’ve done to me and to take responsibility for your actions, even if you do it alone, without me ever finding out about it.

E quero que isso seja uma lição para vós—para nunca pensares em fazer algo semelhante a outra mulher na tua vida.