Estar apaixonado pelo seu parceiro não o torna compatível

Deixem-me começar com uma pergunta: quantas vezes já estiveram apaixonados ao ponto de fazerem qualquer coisa para fazer uma determinada pessoa feliz, mas a a relação acabou por se revelar tóxica in the end for the both of you? Too many times, right? That is a truly simple example of the fact that you can be in love with someone even though you’re not compatible.

I have figured this out on my own skin. I wasn’t as heartbroken by the fact that we weren’t meant to be together as I was when I found out that all those dreams I had about the two of us growing old together were going to stay just dreams. I wanted to love him until the end of our times, but we simply weren’t meant to be.

There were very simple differences like the fact that he was a night owl and I was an early bird. Then, there were bigger ones like he didn’t have the need to talk about his feelings nor listen to me talk about mine, because he simply found it to be a boring topic. While I? I can always talk and extend my mind. I can always tell you that the way I feel at any moment is connected to a certain event in the past and that I get triggered by usual, everyday things. Yes. We were that different.

A maior diferença entre nós era a perceção que tínhamos de toda a nossa relação. Deixem-me só dizer-vos que ele era uma pessoa bastante independente, um solitário, por assim dizer, mas eu, por outro lado, sou alguém muito extrovertido que adora estar com pessoas que eu adoro. Por isso, é claro que eu adorava estar com ele, enquanto ele precisava sempre de estar sozinho.

It the end, it always resulted in fights, me yelling that he doesn’t love me at all and him denying it, telling me that I had gone completely mad. It was obvious to see that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. When we were breaking up, I was heartbroken to know the real reason—when he came up to me and told me that he loved me to death but we simply weren’t right for each other.

My mind went blank and all I could think about at that time was that he was lying! I told him that we were perfect for each other. I begged him to not do this because things weren’t that bad at all. I said that I loved him, too, so how could we not be compatible? How could I fall in love with someone who wasn’t right for me?

Quando as coisas começaram a clarear na minha cabeça, vi do que ele estava a falar naquele dia. Finalmente vi-o claramente. Sempre que falávamos, nunca olhávamos para as coisas da mesma perspetiva. Eu era demasiado emocional para a sua racionalidade e ele simplesmente tinha prioridades maiores than me. But it doesn’t change the fact that my chest still hurts from the mere thought of it.

Queria que ele ficasse ao meu lado. Queria que ele falasse comigo. Queria que ele estivesse lá para mim e talvez ele próprio quisesse todas estas coisas, mas de uma forma completamente diferente. Por essa razão, separámo-nos e nunca mais falámos.

That’s why you should never be devastated when you fall in love but you two end up going your separate ways. You shouldn’t be depressed; you shouldn’t be sad. Love simply wasn’t enough for the two of you to stay together. Relationships are hard work, a lot of talking and they are about having a shoulder to cry on. Some people simply can’t give you that in the amount that you would want to have it.

Until you find the man who is perfect for you, meeting your needs and appreciating you fully, don’t just sit around soluçar e chorar, because it’s not something that will help you at all. Jue ele virá mesmo, lembra-te que te amará completamente e te aceitará completamente. Tu serás tudo o que ele sempre quis e muito mais. Vais amá-lo e, desta vez, talvez o amor seja suficiente.