Foi por isto que demorei tanto tempo a sair

I broke up my relationship the other day. A relationship where I wasn’t happy but it still ended up lasting for years.

Por isso, agora, sempre que saio com pessoas que me conhecem há bastante tempo, acabam por me perguntar porque é que demorei tanto tempo a sair, e esta é a minha resposta.

Demorei tanto tempo a ir-me embora porque o amava.

Adorava a forma como ele dormia calmamente ao meu lado e a forma como ele abraça-me e puxa-me para mais perto do seu coração.

I loved him and his voice, his beautiful eyes and the way his face felt when he didn’t shave for a few days.

Demorei tanto tempo a partir porque estava cego por esse amor.

I was blinded by my own feelings that didn’t let me see the way he was in actuality.

I didn’t see the way he would look at other women, I would ignore the fact that he was texting someone, smiling constantly, and I ignored the fact that he didn’t come home at the time he told me he would.

It took me so long to leave because I didn’t listen.

I didn’t listen to my friends, I didn’t listen to my family and what hurts me the most is that I didn’t listen to myself.

I told myself more than enough times that he wasn’t the right one for me and that I should move on, that I should leave.

I told myself that he didn’t love me the way I loved him and that he wasn’t able to stay by my side no matter how much I tried to make him.

Demorei tanto tempo a ir-me embora porque pensei que as coisas iam melhorar.

A certa altura, comecei a aperceber-me da forma como ele evitava as conversas e como fazia com que as minhas emoções parecessem irracionais.

Ele estava sempre a deitar-me abaixo, mas eu pensava que as coisas iam melhorar.

This wasn’t the man I fell in love with and this wasn’t the man I started a relationship with, so I thought that it was just a phase that was going to soon pass.

Demorei tanto tempo a sair porque tive de pensar numa forma correcta de o fazer.

Yes, I got to the point where I realized that I had to leave because he didn’t make me happy anymore.

He would ignore my texts, sleep at a friend’s house more often than not and there was no love shining in his eyes anymore.

Estavam vazios quando ele olhava para mim.

I thought about how I should leave him, how I could make sure that I didn’t hurt him and about why I even cared about if I was going to hurt him.

Por isso, fui-me embora.

I left even though it wasn’t easy and it ended in a huge fight over why I was leaving.

He told me that I was ungrateful for his efforts, he told me that I wasn’t worthy of him anyways and that I didn’t even deserve his company.

Dirias algo assim à pessoa que amas? Reagiríamos assim? Eu só queria a minha felicidade e a dele.

If the relationship didn’t make either of us happy, why should I stay?

Quando o deixei, pude finalmente ver tudo com clareza.

Conseguia ver o abuso emocional, a forma como ele me deitava abaixo sempre que eu abria a boca, a forma como ele me fazia sentir culpada por chorar.

Conseguia ver tudo e consegui finalmente perceber aquilo por que tinha passado.

He manipulated me into thinking that I couldn’t get anyone better than him because I didn’t deserve anyone better.

Não sou patético, pois não?

That man, the same man who slept with other women thinking that lying to me would make sure I never found out, was telling me that I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t.

Estou mais do que certo de que nenhuma mulher merecia um homem como ele é.

He didn’t deserve me and he didn’t deserve my patience.

So now I am finally able to say that I left. I left and I won’t ever look back again.

I am finally free of his grasp and I am able to see what it all was — just a big lie from which I wasn’t able to escape.

Demorei tanto tempo a deixá-lo. Mas mais vale tarde do que nunca, certo?