Ecco perché mi ci è voluto tanto tempo per andarmene

I broke up my relationship the other day. A relationship where I wasn’t happy but it still ended up lasting for years.

Così ora, ogni volta che esco con persone che mi conoscono da tempo, finiscono per chiedermi perché ci ho messo così tanto a partire, e questa è la mia risposta.

Mi ci è voluto tanto tempo per andarmene perché lo amavo.

Ho amato il modo in cui dormiva tranquillamente al mio fianco e il modo in cui abbracciatemi e mi avvicina al suo cuore.

I loved him and his voice, his beautiful eyes and the way his face felt when he didn’t shave for a few days.

Mi ci è voluto tanto tempo per andarmene perché ero accecato da quell'amore.

I was blinded by my own feelings that didn’t let me see the way he was in actuality.

I didn’t see the way he would look at other women, I would ignore the fact that he was texting someone, smiling constantly, and I ignored the fact that he didn’t come home at the time he told me he would.

It took me so long to leave because I didn’t listen.

I didn’t listen to my friends, I didn’t listen to my family and what hurts me the most is that I didn’t listen to myself.

I told myself more than enough times that he wasn’t the right one for me and that I should move on, that I should leave.

I told myself that he didn’t love me the way I loved him and that he wasn’t able to stay by my side no matter how much I tried to make him.

Ci ho messo tanto ad andarmene perché pensavo che le cose sarebbero migliorate.

A un certo punto ho iniziato a vedere il modo in cui evitava le conversazioni e il modo in cui faceva sembrare irragionevoli le mie emozioni.

Mi metteva sempre a terra, ma pensavo che la situazione sarebbe migliorata.

This wasn’t the man I fell in love with and this wasn’t the man I started a relationship with, so I thought that it was just a phase that was going to soon pass.

Ci ho messo tanto ad andarmene perché dovevo pensare a un modo corretto per farlo.

Yes, I got to the point where I realized that I had to leave because he didn’t make me happy anymore.

He would ignore my texts, sleep at a friend’s house more often than not and there was no love shining in his eyes anymore.

Erano vuoti quando mi guardava.

I thought about how I should leave him, how I could make sure that I didn’t hurt him and about why I even cared about if I was going to hurt him.

Così me ne sono andato.

I left even though it wasn’t easy and it ended in a huge fight over why I was leaving.

He told me that I was ungrateful for his efforts, he told me that I wasn’t worthy of him anyways and that I didn’t even deserve his company.

Direste una cosa del genere alla persona che amate? Reagireste così? Volevo semplicemente la mia felicità e la sua.

If the relationship didn’t make either of us happy, why should I stay?

Quando l'ho lasciato ho potuto finalmente vedere tutto con chiarezza.

Vedevo l'abuso emotivo, il modo in cui mi buttava giù ogni volta che aprivo bocca, il modo in cui mi faceva sentire in colpa per aver pianto.

Potevo vedere tutto e finalmente potevo rendermi conto di quello che avevo passato.

He manipulated me into thinking that I couldn’t get anyone better than him because I didn’t deserve anyone better.

Quanto sono patetico?

That man, the same man who slept with other women thinking that lying to me would make sure I never found out, was telling me that I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t.

Sono più che sicuro che nessuna donna abbia mai meritava un uomo come se lo fosse.

He didn’t deserve me and he didn’t deserve my patience.

So now I am finally able to say that I left. I left and I won’t ever look back again.

I am finally free of his grasp and I am able to see what it all was — just a big lie from which I wasn’t able to escape.

Mi ci è voluto tanto tempo per lasciarlo. Ma meglio tardi che mai, no?