Não se pode ter um casamento perfeito, mas eis o que se pode fazer para prosperar
I was always excited about marriage, even when I was a kid. And who wouldn’t be excited when all the movies I’ve watched, and books I’ve read presented marriage as this perfect union of two people?
But then I got married and things weren’t exactly perfect. I was disappointed thinking maybe we weren’t meant for each other since we sometimes had problems and arguments.
So as any couple who doesn’t want to divorce does, we went to a counselor. Oh, he really slapped us in the face with a reality check.
“Wait, you think what media and those couples on IG show is real?”perguntou-nos o conselheiro.
“Well, they said they never argue, and they also seem pretty much perfect,” dissemos.
“Do you go around telling people about negative things in your marriage? I don’t think so. You can’t trust these unrealistic expectations! No one’s marriage is perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” respondeu ele, deixando-nos chocados.
Depois desta verificação da realidade, partilhou coisas que todos nós podemos fazer para que o nosso casamento prospere while not worrying about being perfect since that’s not possible anyway.
É preciso aceitar as diferenças
Every person is unique and even two identical twins aren’t 100% the same. So considering the differences we have, it’s impossible to agree on every little thing. Couples in movies made it seem so easy but my partner and I soon realized that our marriage isn’t scripted.
Our counselor’s advice was like a wake-up call: “If you want to make it work you need to celebrate your differences, not hide them.” Depois, finalmente, apercebemo-nos.
Aprender a celebrar as coisas que nos tornam únicos wasn’t just about accepting the differences we have, it was about changing our whole mindset and learning that they actually make us stronger.
If you and your spouse have different cultural or religious backgrounds and different personalities, that doesn’t mean you’re not compatible. Basta encontrar uma forma de chegar a um compromisso quando têm opiniões opostas, mas também se abrem para aprender mais sobre o outro.
Tudo se resume a uma comunicação aberta
At the beginning of our marriage, we used to have a lot of unnecessary conflicts over stupid misunderstandings. If we only knew how to communicate effectively with one another we would’ve avoided a lot of fights.
O mais importante aqui é deixar o ego e o orgulho de lado. Só assim é possível comunicar corretamente e ver as coisas com clareza.
Assim que mudámos isso, as nossas discussões acaloradas transformaram-se em discussões calmas em que estávamos open to understanding each other’s perspectives. We realized that a perfect marriage doesn’t exist in real life.
No entanto, pode certamente esforçar-se por ter um, tentando resolver os desacordos pacificamente em vez de fazer de uma mosca um elefante. Also, bottling up your emotions won’t lead you anywhere good, so remember to always speak your mind.
A chave está no apoio e na empatia
Once you learn how to communicate and actively listen to your spouse, you’ll see there’ll suddenly be more understanding and empathy in your marriage.
You can’t be supportive of one another if you don’t even try to understand their point of view and their feelings. Being supportive isn’t only important when they’re winning in life. It’s actually more important when things go south.
Whether it’s work issues, family drama, or any life crisis, you need to stand by each other’s side. When there’s a problem you might want to offer them a solution and think you’re done but sometimes your partner just wants you to be present emotionally.
Isto irá certamente reforçar os vossos laços e tornar o vosso casamento mais resistente. Once you realize that the myth of the perfect marriage is false, you’ll feel liberated. There’s no point in trying to meet an unrealistic standard that no one is close to.
Sweeping problems under the carpet won’t make others think your marriage is perfect. It will only create more opportunities for issues even your counselor might not be able to resolve.
Pare de comparar a sua relação com o que vê à sua volta e lembre-se que um casamento não é para ser perfeito. It’s supposed to be constantly evolving and changing and there’s nothing wrong with that!
