Como mulheres, perdoamos tanto os nossos maridos, mas será que podemos realmente esquecer?

Marriage is sometimes smooth sailing and sometimes it’s a boat in a storm… If you’ve ever been married, you know this. Good times come and they go… and the bad ones too. A vida está cheia de altos e baixos, e o mesmo se aplica aos casamentos.

De vez em quando Fico tão furiosa com o meu marido que tenho um forte impulso de me mudar imediatamente. Depois, passo a noite a folhear anúncios de apartamentos. Algumas horas de navegação ajudam-me a acalmar e as coisas voltam ao normal.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s right to forgive him. I noticed every so often, que I do forgive but can’t make myself forget. Estava curiosa para saber o que as outras mulheres tinham a dizer sobre perdoar sem esquecer. Por isso, pedi a todas as mulheres que conheço que participassem num inquérito anónimo.

Pegavam num pedaço de papel e escrever pequenas anedotas sobre coisas que perdoaram to keep their relationships or marriages, but couldn’t forget. Then they would insert the piece of paper in my survey box.

I’ve made a compilation of 20 most hilarious and unforgettable micro-stories about MEN’s wrongdoings that WOMEN had to forgive to save their relationships:

1. “His mom and dad were his primary family”

2. “Work was more important than me”

A few weeks after we started dating, he got a new job. It was UX/UI design – his dream job. As it was all quite new for him (earlier he was a graphic designer) he’d spend nights learning and improving his skills.

He didn’t have time to see me, except for the weekends. I don’t remember why we broke up after all, as things got better in time, but I still remember how I felt awful when he would rather work than spend time with me.

3. “He had to watch the game”

4. “Told me I’m overdramatizing”

A nossa filha de seis meses caiu da cama quando eu estava a mudar-lhe as fraldas e eu estava em pânico enquanto tentava acalmá-la. Eu estava a tremer de medo e não parava de repetir que precisávamos de ir ao médico. Ele disse que eu estava a ser demasiado dramática e que tudo ia correr bem.

5. “Forgot about me”

6. “I’ve been told I was passing on negative vibes”

Ele acusou-me de ser sempre negativo em relação a tudo e disse que eu impossibilitou-o de desfrutar dos seus tempos livres.

This was when my mom was very sick and I was worried we haven’t got much time together.

7. “Missed our anniversary”

8. “Left me alone to handle the colic”

Enquanto eu estava a recuperar de uma cesariana, ele deixou-me alone with a newborn who had horrifying colic and wouldn’t stop screaming. He thought going out with his friends to celebrate our son’s birth was a good idea. I wanted to strangle him when he came back home.

9. “Was late for our son’s school play”

10. “No sympathy when my granny died”

I was devastated when my grandma died. As he wasn’t very close to his grandparents he couldn’t sympathize with my grief. So he was minding his own business and didn’t even try to hug me ou dizer algo para me confortar.

11. “Baby fell under his watch”

12. “He gambled away our vacation money”

Andámos a poupar durante meses para passar as férias em Bali. Depois de um primeiro trimestre muito difícil no trabalho, Precisava mesmo de descansar num local tão exótico. Eu sabia que ele tinha problemas ligeiros de dependência do jogo, mas nunca pensei que fosse fazer uma coisa tão horrível a nós os dois.

13. “He was texting his ex-girlfriend”

Eu não estava a verificar o telemóvel dele nem nada, mas o aparelho estava ali, em cima da mesa, e o som da notificação levou-me a olhar para ele. Quando vi o nome dela no ecrã, fiquei louco. Pedi para ver todas as mensagens e ele deu-me o telemóvel. 

Allegedly, she only asked for some old friend’s phone number, but I couldn’t be convinced it was the main reason she texted him.

14. “Turned down my dinner invitation”

15. “Told bad things about me in his sleep”

Ele falava sempre durante o sono, mas uma vez apanhei algumas coisas muito más que ele disse sobre mim. Acho que ele estava a sonhar com a beber uma cerveja com o seu melhor amigo e queixou-se de como eu o tratava.

I wasn’t speaking to him for two weeks.

16. “Ignored my call to ‘bedroom action’”

Era uma sexta-feira à noite e pensei que podíamos celebrate the weekend with some “fireworks in bed”. Coloquei a minha lingerie sedutora, maquilhagem pesada e pus o meu cabelo em grande estilo. Entrei com entusiasmo no quarto e encontrei-o a ressonar alto. 

Eu tinha a certeza que ele estava a fingir que estava a dormir, mas feeling so miserable and rejected while standing next to our bed all dressed up for “the action” I couldn’t humiliate myself more by trying to “wake” him.

I only forgave him because tomorrow he swore he was really sleeping and repaired the damage next evening when he was the one initiating “the call”.

17. “Was secretly purchasing video games”

18. “Read my private emails”

A minha melhor amiga, Lisa, vive na Costa Oeste e gostamos de nos enviar um e-mail uma vez por semana. Os nossos e-mails são como ensaios onde partilhamos os nossos pensamentos e sentimentos mais profundos sobre a vida e as situações do quotidiano. 

He mentioned something that was part of my latest email exchange and that’s how I realized he went through my inbox.

Perdoei-o, mas desde esse dia que mudo regularmente de palavra-passe. 

19. “Made our home look like a warehouse”

He is a huge fan of comic books, and he’s been collecting them since he was a kid. Besides collecting, precisava de as conservar em caixas, ao abrigo do pó e da luz. Alguns meses depois de nos casarmos, a nossa casa foi transformada num armazém. 

I forgave him when he moved his precious collection to his parent’s house.

20. “Lying about his childhood”

While talking to his mom on Thanksgiving, I realized he’s been heavily embellishing his childhood memories. I forgave him and many years later, I realized he wasn’t really lying. Our a memória é, de facto, um processo muito criativo e, por vezes, guardamos versões imaginárias de acontecimentos que vivemos.

Como é que perdoamos

In the end, we’ll agree forgiving means different things to different women. Some of us will really forgive and move on, but not gonna forget ever. Others will forget it as if it never happened. I know a minha irmã gosta de lembrar o marido de todos os seus erros. Honestly, I think she’s a bit mean.

É claro que deve nunca perdoar algo tão grave como uma traição ou um abuso, but as you could notice, there’s a whole spectrum of ways our partners can hurt us, sometimes unintentionally. Find a way to understand what really made him act in that way and try to forgive.