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As Women, We Forgive Our Husbands So Much, But Can We Ever Really Forget?

As Women, We Forgive Our Husbands So Much, But Can We Ever Really Forget?

Marriage is sometimes smooth sailing and sometimes it’s a boat in a storm… If you’ve ever been married, you know this. Good times come and they go… and the bad ones too. Life is full of ups and downs, and the same applies to marriages.

Every now and then I get so furious with my hubby that I get a strong impulse to move out immediately. Then I spend the evening scrolling through apartment ads. A few hours of scrolling helps me cool off and things go back to normal.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s right to forgive him. I noticed every so often, that I do forgive but can’t make myself forget. I was curious to know what other women had to say about forgiving without forgetting. So I asked every woman I know to join an anonymous survey.

They would take a piece of paper and write down short anecdotes about things they forgave to keep their relationships or marriages, but couldn’t forget. Then they would insert the piece of paper in my survey box.

I’ve made a compilation of 20 most hilarious and unforgettable micro-stories about MEN’s wrongdoings that WOMEN had to forgive to save their relationships:

1. “His mom and dad were his primary family”

2. “Work was more important than me”

A few weeks after we started dating, he got a new job. It was UX/UI design – his dream job. As it was all quite new for him (earlier he was a graphic designer) he’d spend nights learning and improving his skills.

He didn’t have time to see me, except for the weekends. I don’t remember why we broke up after all, as things got better in time, but I still remember how I felt awful when he would rather work than spend time with me.

3. “He had to watch the game”

4. “Told me I’m overdramatizing”

Our six-month-old daughter fell off the bed when I was changing her diapers, and I was so panicked while trying to soothe her. I was trembling in fear and kept repeating we needed to see a doctor. He said I was being overly dramatic and everything would be just fine.

5. “Forgot about me”

6. “I’ve been told I was passing on negative vibes”

He accused me of always being negative about everything and said I made it impossible for him to enjoy his leisure time.

This was when my mom was very sick and I was worried we haven’t got much time together.

7. “Missed our anniversary”

8. “Left me alone to handle the colic”

While I was recovering from a C-section he left me alone with a newborn who had horrifying colic and wouldn’t stop screaming. He thought going out with his friends to celebrate our son’s birth was a good idea. I wanted to strangle him when he came back home.

9. “Was late for our son’s school play”

10. “No sympathy when my granny died”

I was devastated when my grandma died. As he wasn’t very close to his grandparents he couldn’t sympathize with my grief. So he was minding his own business and didn’t even try to hug me or say anything to comfort me.

11. “Baby fell under his watch”

12. “He gambled away our vacation money”

We were saving for months to spend the vacation in Bali. After a very difficult first quarter at work, I really needed to get a proper rest in such an exotic location. I was aware he had slight gambling addiction issues but never thought he would do such a horrible thing to both of us.

13. “He was texting his ex-girlfriend”

I was not checking his phone or anything but the device was there, on the table, and the notification sound led me to look at it. When I saw her name on the display I went crazy. I asked to see all the texts and he gave me the phone. 

Allegedly, she only asked for some old friend’s phone number, but I couldn’t be convinced it was the main reason she texted him.

14. “Turned down my dinner invitation”

15. “Told bad things about me in his sleep”

He would always talk in his sleep but once I caught up on some very bad things he said about me. I guess he was dreaming of having a beer with his bestie and complained about how I treated him.

I wasn’t speaking to him for two weeks.

16. “Ignored my call to ‘bedroom action’”

It was a Friday night and I thought we could celebrate the weekend with some “fireworks in bed”. I put on my seductive lingerie, heavy makeup and made my hair look wild. I enthusiastically walked in the bedroom only to find him loudly snoring. 

I was sure he was pretending he was asleep, but feeling so miserable and rejected while standing next to our bed all dressed up for “the action” I couldn’t humiliate myself more by trying to “wake” him.

I only forgave him because tomorrow he swore he was really sleeping and repaired the damage next evening when he was the one initiating “the call”.

17. “Was secretly purchasing video games”

18. “Read my private emails”

My best friend, Lisa, lives on the West Coast and we like to email each other once a week. Our emails are like essays where we share the deepest thoughts and feelings about life and everyday situations

He mentioned something that was part of my latest email exchange and that’s how I realized he went through my inbox.

I forgave him but I have changed passwords regularly since that day. 

19. “Made our home look like a warehouse”

He is a huge fan of comic books, and he’s been collecting them since he was a kid. Besides collecting, he needed them to be preserved in boxes, safe from dust and light. Several months after we got married our home was transformed into a warehouse. 

I forgave him when he moved his precious collection to his parent’s house.

20. “Lying about his childhood”

While talking to his mom on Thanksgiving, I realized he’s been heavily embellishing his childhood memories. I forgave him and many years later, I realized he wasn’t really lying. Our memory is actually a very creative process and sometimes we store imaginary versions of events that we lived through.

How do we forgive

In the end, we’ll agree forgiving means different things to different women. Some of us will really forgive and move on, but not gonna forget ever. Others will forget it as if it never happened. I know my sister likes to remind her husband of all his misdoings. Honestly, I think she’s a bit mean.

Of course, you should never forgive something as serious as cheating or abuse, but as you could notice, there’s a whole spectrum of ways our partners can hurt us, sometimes unintentionally. Find a way to understand what really made him act in that way and try to forgive.