Eu tenho muito medo de te amar, mas estou te amando mesmo assim

I’ve run out of reasons to run away from you. I’ve tried so hard to find something, anything that will be a strong enough reason to walk away from you, just so I don’t have to face my fear. But I have nothing.

Abalaste-me até ao âmago, fazendo cair todas as minhas paredes enquanto eu tentava reconstruí-las, apanhando tijolos de dor antiga que eu tão pacientemente empilhei até ficarem espessos e suficientemente altos para me protegerem.

E tu continuavas lá, certificando-te de que eu estava seguro, certificando-te de que me mantinhas quente, agora que os furacões da vida me podem tocar novamente.

Foste simultaneamente o terramoto que me dividiu em pedaços e a cola que me manteve unido.

I’m so scared of falling apart again. But you already know that. You already know that every time I pull away, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I’m afraid of your touch.

I’m not used to being touched gently, touched in a way I can actually feel loved. I’m not used to being held when I’m broken.

I’m not used to feeling loved, but you love me. You are still here, you are holding me. Tu és o meu maior medo e a fonte da minha coragem.

I’m so scared of being magoado novamente. I’m just afraid that if I get hurt once more, I won’t be able to get back on my feet again. I’m so afraid of being manipulated again, of being intoxicated and twisted.

But I trust you. For crazy reasons I can’t even put in words, I trust you.

Confio em ti quando dizes que nunca me magoarás. Confio em ti quando dizes que estarás sempre aqui.

Mas quando a noite volta a rastejar para mim, os meus medos estão aqui de novo, a gritar e a ecoar na minha mente. Prendendo-me à minha cama, afugentando a minha paz e os meus sonhos.

Mas tu ainda estás lá. A abraçar-me, a beijar-me até adormecer.

I’m scared of loving again. Of not being loved back. Of being taken for granted. But why do I love you? Why do I trust your words? What’s so special about you that makes my as paredes caem?

It’s the feeling of calm I feel when I’m with you. It’s the warmth in my soul I feel when I look into your eyes.

It’s the feeling of my hand in yours. It’s the feeling that I finally belong somewhere, that I belong in your arms. It’s the feeling of your heartbeat when I’m laying on your chest.

It’s the feeling I get when you lean your head on mine, telling me how I’m your ‘little pumpkin’. Telling me how I’m the best thing that has happened to you.

It’s the patience you have for me. It’s the strength you have for my demons. It’s the way you are ready to fight my wars, because they are now yours, too.

Every time I run away, you’re waiting for me. Every time I laugh away your words of love, you make me feel them.

Já não consigo ver a mulher que tu vês. That’s the woman that was broken, beaten to death. The woman I locked up behind all those walls that you tumbled down. But you see her. You see her fire, her passion and her beauty.

E todos os dias, todas as manhãs, certificas-te de que eu também a vejo. Viste todos os meus defeitos, mas beijaste-os na mesma.

You saw my scars and mended them with your love. You saw my bruises and healed them with your gentle touch. You saw oceans of sadness in my eyes and learned to swim in them, so I’m not alone anymore.

Amar-te. Deixar-te entrar. Ter-te ao meu lado continua a ser a coisa mais assustadora que me imaginei a fazer. It still frightens me to death, but I’d rather die in your arms than live without them.

I choose to fight every day, just to see your eyes once more. Just to feel your heartbeat and to hear you one more time calling me ‘Pumpkin’. I’m scared as hell to love you, but I’d rather be afraid with you than brave alone.