Ho paura come l'inferno di amarti, ma ti amo lo stesso

I’ve run out of reasons to run away from you. I’ve tried so hard to find something, anything that will be a strong enough reason to walk away from you, just so I don’t have to face my fear. But I have nothing.

Mi hai scosso nel profondo, facendo crollare tutti i miei muri mentre cercavo di ricostruirli, catturando i mattoni del vecchio dolore che avevo pazientemente impilato finché non erano abbastanza spessi e alti da proteggermi.

E tu eri ancora lì, ad assicurarti che fossi al sicuro, a tenermi al caldo, ora che gli uragani della vita possono toccarmi di nuovo.

Sei stato contemporaneamente il terremoto che mi ha fatto a pezzi e la colla che mi ha tenuto insieme.

I’m so scared of falling apart again. But you already know that. You already know that every time I pull away, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I’m afraid of your touch.

I’m not used to being touched gently, touched in a way I can actually feel loved. I’m not used to being held when I’m broken.

I’m not used to feeling loved, but you love me. You are still here, you are holding me. Sei la mia più grande paura e la fonte del mio coraggio.

I’m so scared of being ferito di nuovo. I’m just afraid that if I get hurt once more, I won’t be able to get back on my feet again. I’m so afraid of being manipulated again, of being intoxicated and twisted.

But I trust you. For crazy reasons I can’t even put in words, I trust you.

Mi fido di te quando dici che non mi farai mai del male. Mi fido di te quando dici che sarai sempre qui.

Ma quando la notte torna a strisciare verso di me, le mie paure sono di nuovo qui, a urlare e a riecheggiare nella mia mente. Mi immobilizzano sul letto, scacciando la mia pace e i miei sogni.

Ma tu sei ancora lì. Mi stringi, mi baci e mi fai addormentare.

I’m scared of loving again. Of not being loved back. Of being taken for granted. But why do I love you? Why do I trust your words? What’s so special about you that makes my i muri crollano?

It’s the feeling of calm I feel when I’m with you. It’s the warmth in my soul I feel when I look into your eyes.

It’s the feeling of my hand in yours. It’s the feeling that I finally belong somewhere, that I belong in your arms. It’s the feeling of your heartbeat when I’m laying on your chest.

It’s the feeling I get when you lean your head on mine, telling me how I’m your ‘little pumpkin’. Telling me how I’m the best thing that has happened to you.

It’s the patience you have for me. It’s the strength you have for my demons. It’s the way you are ready to fight my wars, because they are now yours, too.

Every time I run away, you’re waiting for me. Every time I laugh away your words of love, you make me feel them.

Non riesco più a vedere la donna che vedi tu. That’s the woman that was broken, beaten to death. The woman I locked up behind all those walls that you tumbled down. But you see her. You see her fire, her passion and her beauty.

E ogni giorno, ogni mattina, ti assicuri che anch'io la veda. Hai visto ogni mio difetto, ma li hai baciati lo stesso.

You saw my scars and mended them with your love. You saw my bruises and healed them with your gentle touch. You saw oceans of sadness in my eyes and learned to swim in them, so I’m not alone anymore.

Amarti. Lasciarti entrare. Averti al mio fianco è ancora la cosa più spaventosa che ho immaginato di fare. It still frightens me to death, but I’d rather die in your arms than live without them.

I choose to fight every day, just to see your eyes once more. Just to feel your heartbeat and to hear you one more time calling me ‘Pumpkin’. I’m scared as hell to love you, but I’d rather be afraid with you than brave alone.