O que fazer quando o narcisista volta (e como fazer com que ele vá embora)

Muitas mulheres cometem o mesmo erro quando o narcisista com quem terminaram a relação volta, especialmente se tiverem acabado de sair da relação.

Todos nós cometemos esse erro porque, francamente, ainda estamos apaixonados pelo nosso narcisista.

Although we know they are bad for us and we’re only going to be miserable, something draws us back to them.

It’s their lies and their false epiphany, their empty promises that they will change and that things are going to be different.

That’s when we make the mistake and take them back, instead of chasing them as far away from us as possible.

Mas a verdadeira verdade por detrás do seu regresso é que algo na sua vida não está a correr como desejavam. Algo não está bem.

Some other source of energetic supply has been compromised and they are coming back to their regular source of energy that kept them happy and ‘well-fed’ for a long time.

They are not coming back because they have realized their behavior was hurtful and mean, they are coming back because they have no one to dry the energy out. They don’t love you, they just want to use you.

O narcisista doesn’t care for you as a person. They don’t care for your virtues or for who you really are.

They have a desire for something that you provided them with and they want it. That’s why they come back to you.

Vêem as pessoas como objectos, coisas que podem mudar, usar e deitar fora quando já não lhes interessam e passam para o próximo objeto.

Just please remember, they won’t be coming back because they love you.

Eles voltarão porque você tem algo de que eles precisam e você ilude-se pensando que eles voltaram para fazer as pazes e pedir desculpas.

Pensamos que eles vão mudar, mas isso nunca acontece, o que nos deixa destroçados e desiludidos. Sente-se usado porque está a ser usado.

O que fazer quando o narcisista regressa e como o afastar para sempre

1. Ele vai pedir-lhe desculpa

Ele virá a rastejar até si, fingindo estar arrependido. Vai parecer devastado e destroçado, como se o seu mundo tivesse desabado.

He will look like he feels bad for his actions and regrets them. But the thing is, it’s ridiculous to talk about apologizing when someone has done something on purpose.

An apology can only be true and sincere when you’re apologizing for something that happens by accident.

Os narcisistas estão conscientes do facto de que o que estão a fazer é errado. Eles sabem que estão a partir o nosso coração e que nos fazem sentir mal, mas fazem-no na mesma.

So how can an apology be sincere if you know the thing he is apologizing for is intentional? You just can’t match one little sorry with all the horrible things they have done to you.

2. Ele vai perseguir-te

Suddenly, you’ll see him all over the place. If you go for a walk, if you go to the gym, if you go to the market, you’ll see him and believe me, that is not an accident.

That is happening for a reason. It’s all a part of his hovering tactics, with which he wants to pull you back to him. Probably because ele sente a tua falta mas não de uma forma normal.

Ele sente falta de drenar toda a energia de si e de se sentir satisfeito e feliz.

Ele vai perseguir-te nas redes sociais e observar cuidadosamente todos os teus movimentos.

He wants to be sure that you are all alone and miserable without him and while he’s waiting for your weak moment, he’ll try to make you see him in the best possible light. Don’t fall for those kinds of tricks.

The best thing you could do is to ignore him completely. Don’t let him get inside your head. He has not changed and he never will.

He is still the same old manipulative asshole who’ll drain you and spit you out once again. Spare yourself the pain and chase him away.

3. You’re his safety net

Quando o narcisista voltar, ele sabe que você estará lá para ele. Ele sabe que vai ser a sua rede de segurança.

As long as you’re there to catch him, he is going to keep doing what he is doing because there are no consequences.

Ele consegue sempre o que quer e tu ficas sempre magoada. Isto parece-lhe justo?

By taking him back over and over again, you’re just proving to him that his behavior is working.

It might not be right, he knows it’s not, but you keep giving him second chances, so he keeps using them.

You have to be strong enough to cut him off. You have to make him aware that you’ve had enough and that your energy source is no longer available for him to exploit.

I’m not saying that this should do it but it will definitely keep him at a distance for a while until he becomes desperate again.

4. Tentar sem contacto

A regra de não contacto é a melhor maneira de o fazer. Mas, por vezes, é impossível manter o contacto.

It’s impossible if the guy, your narcissist, is someone you’re working with or your ex-husband whom you have kids with.

But let’s say there is nothing out there keeping you close to him, then you can easily let him go and block him out of your life.

But you have to want it. Because there will be times when you’re going to miss him. No matter how big of an ass he was, there were times when he was even good to you.

Quer dizer, ele foi simpático e amável consigo porque precisava de algo de si, era apenas mais um meio de manipulação.

But you’re not going to miss him as a person, you’re going to miss the feeling of affection.

You’re going to miss having someone by your side in the moments when you are going to be depressed and alone.

You’re going to miss having anyone by your side and that is when the biggest danger of going back to him occurs.

Ele vai aproveitar-se disso e voltará para si. Tente não o contactar. Mantenha a regra de não o contactar, por mais triste e solitária que esteja.

Try to talk to a friend or sleep on it and don’t make decisions you’re going to regret.

5. É preciso ser indiferente

You have to make yourself as less interesting as you can. You have to be so boring that he doesn’t want to be close to you.

Don’t respond to his provocations, and there will be plenty, just be boring.

Don’t talk to him about anything except the things you have to talk about.

Esta é a forma mais eficaz de se defender de pessoas narcisistas when you have no other option than to be around him, where you can’t apply the no contact rule.

Narcissists come back all of a sudden and when you least expect it because they are missing something from their life. They need something and probably they can’t get it.

This is what creates a void inside of them which they need to fulfill right away. That’s when he turns back to you because you were good enough for the job.

Ele usou-te tantas vezes antes, porque não tentar mais uma vez?

Don’t show any kind of reaction, be faceless as a dull, gray stone and he will leave because you are not interesting to him anymore.

He can’t use you anymore, so he will go off and seek another victim to destroy emotionally.

Não se esqueça que, de cada vez que ele volta e você o aceita de volta, é você que fica a chorar enquanto ele se afasta calmamente. Só lhe está a fazer um favor.