Cosa fare quando il narcisista torna (e come farlo andare via)

Molte donne commettono lo stesso errore quando il narcisista con cui si sono lasciate torna, soprattutto se sono appena uscite dalla relazione.

Tutti commettiamo questo errore perché, francamente, siamo ancora innamorati del nostro narcisista.

Although we know they are bad for us and we’re only going to be miserable, something draws us back to them.

It’s their lies and their false epiphany, their empty promises that they will change and that things are going to be different.

That’s when we make the mistake and take them back, instead of chasing them as far away from us as possible.

Ma la vera verità dietro il loro ritorno è che qualcosa nella loro vita non sta andando come volevano. Qualcosa non va bene.

Some other source of energetic supply has been compromised and they are coming back to their regular source of energy that kept them happy and ‘well-fed’ for a long time.

They are not coming back because they have realized their behavior was hurtful and mean, they are coming back because they have no one to dry the energy out. They don’t love you, they just want to use you.

Il narcisista doesn’t care for you as a person. They don’t care for your virtues or for who you really are.

They have a desire for something that you provided them with and they want it. That’s why they come back to you.

Vedono le persone come oggetti, cose che possono cambiare, usare e gettare via quando hanno finito di usarle e passano all'oggetto successivo.

Just please remember, they won’t be coming back because they love you.

Torneranno perché avete qualcosa di cui hanno bisogno e voi vi illudete che siano tornati per fare ammenda e scusarsi.

Pensate che cambieranno, ma non succede mai, il che vi lascia distrutti e delusi. Ci si sente usati perché si viene usati.

Cosa fare quando il narcisista torna e come allontanarlo per sempre

1. Si scuserà con voi

Tornerà strisciando da voi, fingendo di essere dispiaciuto. Sembrerà devastato e distrutto, come se tutto il suo mondo fosse crollato.

He will look like he feels bad for his actions and regrets them. But the thing is, it’s ridiculous to talk about apologizing when someone has done something on purpose.

An apology can only be true and sincere when you’re apologizing for something that happens by accident.

I narcisisti sono consapevoli del fatto che quello che stanno facendo è sbagliato. Sanno di spezzarvi il cuore e di farvi sentire una merda, ma lo fanno lo stesso.

So how can an apology be sincere if you know the thing he is apologizing for is intentional? You just can’t match one little sorry with all the horrible things they have done to you.

2. Vi perseguiterà

Suddenly, you’ll see him all over the place. If you go for a walk, if you go to the gym, if you go to the market, you’ll see him and believe me, that is not an accident.

That is happening for a reason. It’s all a part of his hovering tactics, with which he wants to pull you back to him. Probably because gli manchi ma non in modo normale.

Gli manca di prosciugare tutta l'energia di te e di rendersi soddisfatto e felice.

Vi seguirà sui social media e osserverà attentamente ogni vostra mossa.

He wants to be sure that you are all alone and miserable without him and while he’s waiting for your weak moment, he’ll try to make you see him in the best possible light. Don’t fall for those kinds of tricks.

The best thing you could do is to ignore him completely. Don’t let him get inside your head. He has not changed and he never will.

He is still the same old manipulative asshole who’ll drain you and spit you out once again. Spare yourself the pain and chase him away.

3. You’re his safety net

Quando il narcisista torna, sa che voi sarete lì per lui. Sa che sarete la sua rete di sicurezza.

As long as you’re there to catch him, he is going to keep doing what he is doing because there are no consequences.

Lui ottiene sempre quello che vuole e tu sei sempre ferita. Vi sembra giusto?

By taking him back over and over again, you’re just proving to him that his behavior is working.

It might not be right, he knows it’s not, but you keep giving him second chances, so he keeps using them.

You have to be strong enough to cut him off. You have to make him aware that you’ve had enough and that your energy source is no longer available for him to exploit.

I’m not saying that this should do it but it will definitely keep him at a distance for a while until he becomes desperate again.

4. Prova a non avere contatti

La regola del non contatto è il modo migliore di procedere. Ma a volte è impossibile mantenere il contatto.

It’s impossible if the guy, your narcissist, is someone you’re working with or your ex-husband whom you have kids with.

But let’s say there is nothing out there keeping you close to him, then you can easily let him go and block him out of your life.

But you have to want it. Because there will be times when you’re going to miss him. No matter how big of an ass he was, there were times when he was even good to you.

Voglio dire che era carino e gentile con te perché aveva bisogno di qualcosa da te, era solo un altro mezzo di manipolazione.

But you’re not going to miss him as a person, you’re going to miss the feeling of affection.

You’re going to miss having someone by your side in the moments when you are going to be depressed and alone.

You’re going to miss having anyone by your side and that is when the biggest danger of going back to him occurs.

Lui ne approfitterà e tornerà da voi. Cercate di non contattarlo. Mantenete la regola di non contattarlo, per quanto siate tristi e soli.

Try to talk to a friend or sleep on it and don’t make decisions you’re going to regret.

5. Bisogna essere indifferenti

You have to make yourself as less interesting as you can. You have to be so boring that he doesn’t want to be close to you.

Don’t respond to his provocations, and there will be plenty, just be boring.

Don’t talk to him about anything except the things you have to talk about.

Questo è il modo più efficace per difendersi da persone narcisiste when you have no other option than to be around him, where you can’t apply the no contact rule.

Narcissists come back all of a sudden and when you least expect it because they are missing something from their life. They need something and probably they can’t get it.

This is what creates a void inside of them which they need to fulfill right away. That’s when he turns back to you because you were good enough for the job.

Vi ha già usato tante volte, quindi perché non provarci di nuovo?

Don’t show any kind of reaction, be faceless as a dull, gray stone and he will leave because you are not interesting to him anymore.

He can’t use you anymore, so he will go off and seek another victim to destroy emotionally.

Tenete presente che ogni volta che torna e lo riprendete, siete voi a essere in lacrime mentre lui si allontana con calma. Gli state solo facendo un favore.