Às vezes é preciso um homem errado para nos ensinar a lição certa

I’ve learned my most valuable lesson in life by spending a huge chunk of it with a man who was all sorts of wrong for me. It took a while to become aware of this, but today, I’m nothing if not thankful.

Circa 5 years back, I was a shell of the woman I am today. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and my standards had embarrassingly plunged. I didn’t think I was a catch, to be honest, so when a guy looked at me for longer than three seconds, I felt flattered.

It’s shameful for me to reminisce about this now, but it’s important to be self-aware in order to grow from your shortcomings and misconceptions – in order to become the person you’re capable of being.

And back then, I didn’t think I was destinado a ser much. I wasn’t in a good place, mentally or emotionally. I was going through a dark phase and nothing was going in my favor.

Por isso, não é de estranhar que o homem com quem escolhi passar o meu tempo fosse alguém completamente errado para mim. Alguém que me fez passar pelo inferno e voltar, a fim de me abalar até ao meu âmago e me fazer ver quão pouco eu pensava que merecia.

This man saw me at my weakest and decided to take advantage of a girl he knew wouldn’t say no. He didn’t do any physical harm – just to be clear – but his abuse was emotional, and it shattered me almost beyond repair.

It sucks that I let anyone come so close to me when I was at my most fragile, but back then, I didn’t know any better. I felt like any attention was better than none.

I was switching from one shitty job to another, I was new in the city and had one friend. I wasn’t on the best terms with my folks, and I didn’t really have anyone to turn to.

Por isso, quando este tipo se atirou a mim num bar que eu frequentava todas as noites, senti uma réstia de esperança e uma vozinha dentro de mim gritou de excitação com tanta força, que foi quase como se fosse a primeira vez que um tipo gostou mesmo de mim.

Ele pareceu-me bem no início, por isso fiz-lhe a vontade e continuámos a falar durante toda a noite.

He was a regular at the bar, so I had no choice but to see him every night, and going on a date with him just felt like the smart thing to do. If I said no, I’d just keep seeing him regardless and it would’ve been so awkward… so I made myself like him.

Começámos a sair um com o outro. E, com o tempo, comecei a gostar mesmo dele.

He was thoughtful, kind, and seemed to really care about me at first. And that hadn’t happened in a long, long time, so I was slowly becoming more and more hooked on the feeling.

But what I didn’t know was that it was his plan all along. He apparently had a habit of catching young, weak, and fragile women off guard, winning them over with his fake words. Once they were in his web, he’d use them to feed his inflated ego.

Descobri o seu padrão de comportamento muito depois de ter terminado com ele, mas de repente tudo fez muito sentido.

I was nothing but a punching bag to him. When he’d feel like shit, he’d use me to shift the blame on me and make himself feel better.

When he felt like it, he’d just yell at me for no reason to get it all out of his system and then be on his best behaviour with his buddies.

Ninguém sabia realmente como ele era à porta fechada, exceto eu e algumas das suas anteriores namoradas que me confidenciaram e me contaram tudo o que tinham vivido depois de eu ter finalmente saído da sua vida.

Fui tratado como merdaEle era um grande controlador que nunca me deixava ser eu própria e que me causava tanto medo e mágoa que eu tinha de me impor. Ele era um grande controlador que nunca me deixava ser eu própria e causava-me tanto medo e mágoa que me obrigava a defender-me.

It was an all-time low for me and it really got me thinking…

Was this the life I wanted for myself? Was this the man I was going to let invade my life and make me so miserable? If I didn’t say anything right then and there, I never would’ve found the courage to do so.

Então decidi que já era suficiente. Quem é que ele pensava que era? Porque é que ele achava que tinha o direito de me deitar abaixo e de me tratar como merda só para se sentir como um homem de verdade?

Quando me apercebi de tudo isto, foi muito fácil dizer-lhe exatamente como me sentia e sair dali para fora. Não ia deixar que ele arruinasse a minha vida e o meu futuro. Eu era muito melhor do que isso.

And that’s how I finally found my power again. I felt like the freaking queen of the world.

Fui-me embora e nunca mais olhei para trás. Foi uma tempestade de emoções e ultrapassar isso foi um processo moroso, mas foi um processo pelo qual tive de passar para perceber que nunca mais ia deixar um homem controlar qualquer parte de mim!

Not today, not ever. And it felt so damn good. We as women face so many obstacles in life just because of our gender, so I decided to take back my life and show the man who’s really in charge!

Tudo o que é preciso é aquela pequena voz dentro de nós a dizer-nos para irmos em frente e, assim que encontrarmos a coragem de deixar que essa voz seja ouvida, nunca mais vamos querer estar calados!

That was my lesson. And boy am I glad I went through all that. Because that’s what needed to happen to shape me into the woman I am today – and this woman takes no more shit from no man!

I am in control of my life, my love, and my future. Any man who has a problem with that can stand in line. I simply don’t have time for you anymore! And it feels so damn good to finally be able to say that.