A volte ci vuole un uomo sbagliato per insegnarti la lezione giusta

I’ve learned my most valuable lesson in life by spending a huge chunk of it with a man who was all sorts of wrong for me. It took a while to become aware of this, but today, I’m nothing if not thankful.

Circa 5 years back, I was a shell of the woman I am today. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and my standards had embarrassingly plunged. I didn’t think I was a catch, to be honest, so when a guy looked at me for longer than three seconds, I felt flattered.

It’s shameful for me to reminisce about this now, but it’s important to be self-aware in order to grow from your shortcomings and misconceptions – in order to become the person you’re capable of being.

And back then, I didn’t think I was destinato ad essere much. I wasn’t in a good place, mentally or emotionally. I was going through a dark phase and nothing was going in my favor.

Quindi, non dovrebbe sorprendere che l'uomo con cui ho scelto di passare il mio tempo fosse una persona completamente sbagliata per me. Qualcuno che mi ha fatto passare le pene dell'inferno per scuotermi nel profondo e farmi capire quanto poco pensassi di meritare.

This man saw me at my weakest and decided to take advantage of a girl he knew wouldn’t say no. He didn’t do any physical harm – just to be clear – but his abuse was emotional, and it shattered me almost beyond repair.

It sucks that I let anyone come so close to me when I was at my most fragile, but back then, I didn’t know any better. I felt like any attention was better than none.

I was switching from one shitty job to another, I was new in the city and had one friend. I wasn’t on the best terms with my folks, and I didn’t really have anyone to turn to.

Così, quando questo ragazzo ci ha provato con me in un bar che frequentavo tutte le sere, ho sentito un barlume di speranza e una vocina dentro di me ha urlato dall'eccitazione così forte che era quasi come se fosse la prima volta che piacevo davvero a un ragazzo..

All'inizio sembrava a posto, così l'ho assecondato e abbiamo continuato a parlare per tutta la serata.

He was a regular at the bar, so I had no choice but to see him every night, and going on a date with him just felt like the smart thing to do. If I said no, I’d just keep seeing him regardless and it would’ve been so awkward… so I made myself like him.

Abbiamo iniziato a frequentarci. E con il tempo ha iniziato a piacermi davvero.

He was thoughtful, kind, and seemed to really care about me at first. And that hadn’t happened in a long, long time, so I was slowly becoming more and more hooked on the feeling.

But what I didn’t know was that it was his plan all along. He apparently had a habit of catching young, weak, and fragile women off guard, winning them over with his fake words. Once they were in his web, he’d use them to feed his inflated ego.

Ho scoperto il suo modello di comportamento molto tempo dopo aver chiuso con lui, ma improvvisamente tutto ha avuto molto senso.

I was nothing but a punching bag to him. When he’d feel like shit, he’d use me to shift the blame on me and make himself feel better.

When he felt like it, he’d just yell at me for no reason to get it all out of his system and then be on his best behaviour with his buddies.

Nessuno sapeva davvero come fosse a porte chiuse, tranne me e alcune delle sue precedenti fidanzate che si sono confidate con me e mi hanno raccontato le loro esperienze una volta che sono uscita dalla sua vita.

Sono stato trattato come la merdaI miei sentimenti non sono mai stati importanti, e dovevo fare il check-in con lui prima di uscire di casa. Era un grande maniaco del controllo che non mi ha mai permesso di essere me stessa e mi ha causato così tanta paura e dolore da farmi difendere.

It was an all-time low for me and it really got me thinking…

Was this the life I wanted for myself? Was this the man I was going to let invade my life and make me so miserable? If I didn’t say anything right then and there, I never would’ve found the courage to do so.

Così decisi che era sufficiente. Chi diavolo si credeva di essere? Perché pensava di avere il diritto di mettermi in difficoltà e di trattarmi come una merda per il gusto di sentirsi come un'altra persona? un vero uomo?

Quando mi resi conto di tutto questo, fu così facile dirgli esattamente come mi sentivo e andarmene via da lì. Non gli avrei permesso di rovinare la mia vita e il mio futuro. Ero molto meglio di così.

And that’s how I finally found my power again. I felt like the freaking queen of the world.

Me ne sono andata e non mi sono mai guardata indietro. È stata una tempesta di emozioni e superarla è stato un processo lungo, ma era necessario per capire che non avrei mai più permesso a un uomo di controllare qualsiasi parte di me!

Not today, not ever. And it felt so damn good. We as women face so many obstacles in life just because of our gender, so I decided to take back my life and show the man who’s really in charge!

Tutto ciò che serve è quella vocina dentro di voi che vi dice di darvi da fare e, una volta trovato il coraggio di far sentire quella voce, non vorrete mai più stare zitti!

That was my lesson. And boy am I glad I went through all that. Because that’s what needed to happen to shape me into the woman I am today – and this woman takes no more shit from no man!

I am in control of my life, my love, and my future. Any man who has a problem with that can stand in line. I simply don’t have time for you anymore! And it feels so damn good to finally be able to say that.