Porque é que magoamos quem amamos: 11 razões ocultas
O amor é verdadeiramente a arma mais poderosa. Pode fazer-nos sentir como se estivéssemos no sétimo céu, mas também tem o poder de nos destruir. Toda a gente diz que o amor é o sentimento mais bonito do mundo.
Well, there is nothing beautiful about pain and I’m sure we have all been hurt by someone we loved – or we have unintentionally hurt someone we loved.
Se o amor é tão bonito, porque é que às vezes dói tanto? Já alguma vez se perguntou porque é que magoamos aqueles que amamos?
The fact is that love can’t exist sem mágoa emocional.
Por vezes, somos magoados pelas pessoas que mais amamos e, por vezes, magoamos os nossos entes queridos sem intenção, apesar de serem aqueles que mais queremos proteger.
Está cientificamente provado que as pessoas magoam mais os seus familiares ou as pessoas com quem partilham relações íntimas.
This is because we know that, because they love us, they’ll forgive us in no time and we’ll be able to move on without looking back.
If you want to know why we hurt people we love the most, I’ve listed some of the most common reasons below.
Bagagem emocional
Sempre que se termina uma relação, é preciso tirar algum tempo para si próprio. É preciso passar algum tempo sozinho e refletir sobre os seus próprios sentimentos.
You need to forgive your exes for all of their broken promises, for all the times they let you down, and for the heartbreak they’ve caused you.
Antes de decidir voltar a namorar, é preciso deixar o passado para trás.
You should never enter a new relationship if you have any unresolved matters from the past. Trust me, starting a new relationship when you aren’t ready never ends well.
Also, it’s not fair to the other person. It’s not their fault that your ex betrayed and hurt you. Your new partner shouldn’t pay for someone else’s mistakes.
If you don’t move on properly, you’ll only hurt your next partner. You won’t be able to trust them. You won’t be able to relax and enjoy your new relationship.
Claro que o seu bagagem emocional can teach you some things but don’t take it too seriously.
Don’t let your childhood experiences shape your opinion about love. Every love story is unique. The love story of your parents isn’t how yours should or will be like.
If you let those experiences control your love life, it’ll only restrain you. It can confuse you or cause you even more pain than the heartbreak itself.
That’s why it’s important for you to take time.
Deve levar o tempo que for necessário para se curar corretamente, para pensar em tudo o que lhe aconteceu e, depois, para seguir em frente sem guardar rancores e amarguras.
You aren’t sure if they’re “the one”
You are in a relationship and you honestly love your significant other. However, you can’t get rid of the feeling that something is missing.
You can’t imagine your future together and soon you start doubting whether you even want to spend the rest of your life with them.
Começa a afastar-se do seu parceiro porque quer pensar na sua relação.
Maybe you want to think about it so you don’t waste any more of their or your own precious time on a relationship that doesn’t have any future.
The mistake that most of us make is that we don’t sit and talk honestly with our partners. They deserve to know what’s happening.
You hurt your significant other, even though, sometimes you aren’t aware of it. They spend a lot of time looking for a reason why you’ve become so cold all of a sudden.
It also affects their self-esteem and self-worth. They start thinking they are the problem, that maybe they aren’t good enough for you.
That’s why you need to think about your relationship and decide whether you want to break up or continue dating that person. Right after you’ve made the decision, you have to tell your partner.
Medo do compromisso
This is the most common reason for hurting the ones you love. It’s a feeling that’s not so easy to control.
Muitas pessoas (especialmente homens) têm um medo do compromisso quando vêem que a sua relação está a tornar-se séria.
Most are avoiding relationships in general or they only date short term. They don’t want to be tied down yet and they want to keep enjoying their freedom.
Things get difficult when they fall in love. They can’t leave a person they love, but they also don’t want to take the next step.
They get confused. Their mixed feelings don’t allow them to think clearly. It causes them to suffer from anxiety.
It seems like they can’t explain to their partner that they don’t want to break up, but they also don’t want to commit to something more serious.
Começam a evitar falar sobre o futuro da sua relação.
Their partner is also confused because they don’t know what to think about the relationship – whether it’s doomed to fail or if they should give the other person some space.
Medo da intimidade
If you’ve been dating someone for a while but still don’t feel comfortable around them, or you still can’t show them the real you, it means that you’re afraid of intimacy.
O medo de partilhar uma ligação emocional próxima com outra pessoa pode ser causado por experiências do passado.
As razões mais comuns são as experiências de infância ou as más experiências da sua última relação.
You always hurt the one you love because you’re afraid to indulge completely in a relationship. Your partner feels it and it seems to them that no matter what they do, they just can’t gain your trust.
Eventually, they’ll stop trying. They’ll get tired and the only option for them will be to break up with you.
That’s why you’ll never be able to achieve a real and deep connection with someone until you overcome your fear of intimacy.
Fortunately, it is possible and it’s not difficult at all. The most important thing is that you always have to be honest with your partner about your past.
Diga-lhes também como se sente e o que espera deles.
Problemas de autoestima
A relação que tem consigo próprio é a base de todas as outras relações da sua vida, o que significa que afecta todas as outras relações da sua vida.
Se tiver uma relação boa e saudável consigo próprio, isso refletir-se-á significativamente em todas as suas outras relações.
Infelizmente, hoje em dia, muitas pessoas têm problemas de autoestima e isso cria expectativas negativas em relação a uma relação.
If you don’t have self-confidence, you’ll always feel like your partner isn’t being honest with you and that they’ll eventually hurt you.
That’s why you’ll also be afraid of showing your vulnerability in the relationship.
You’ll hurt your partner by not trusting them or not being able to form a deeper connection with them, even after a while.
Se está a sofrer de baixa autoestima and you don’t work on yourself, you’ll be open to many negative feelings.
You’ll have trust issues, you’ll feel depressed, jealous, and anxious all the time.
Ciúme
Too much of everything isn’t healthy. It’s the same with jealousy. It’s never a good thing when you let jealousy blind you.
The way you behave when you feel jealous is never predictable. It’s also one of those feelings that are hard to control.
O ciúme é um sentimento negativo. Torna-nos infelizes e faz-nos magoar a pessoa que amamos. Quase sempre arruína a relação.
Se está a agir com ciúmes por causa de algo na sua relação, tem de falar sobre isso com o seu parceiro. No entanto, deve prestar atenção à forma como fala com ele.
You mustn’t express anger or any other negative feelings. You have to calmly explain to your partner what is making you feel jealous and how you can find a solution to fix it.
If your partner has betrayed your trust, then your jealousy is justified. But when you get jealous over little things, then you’re not showing love; you’re only revealing your own insecurities.
You’re hurting the other person because of your own insecurities, not because they did something wrong. You’re making them pay for something they didn’t even do.
If you have been hurt and betrayed by a person you loved in the past, it’s perfectly normal that those bad experiences have left you with trust issues.
No entanto, não deve deixar que isso afecte a sua nova relação.
Se ter ciúmes de something stupid or without any reason, you’re just making yourself and your loved one unhappy. It is a complete waste of time.
Falta de competências de comunicação
Uma comunicação eficaz é a parte mais importante de qualquer relação saudável.
Se aprender a resolver os seus problemas e brigas de uma forma saudável, nunca se magoará nem magoará o seu parceiro.
Se você e o seu parceiro discutirem por alguma coisa (e vão discutir, porque as discussões também fazem parte de qualquer relação saudável), tem de ser capaz de controlar as suas palavras e sentimentos.
If you say something in the heat of the moment, something that might hurt your loved one, you may regret it later but it will be too late because you’ll have already hurt your partner.
Spoken words can’t be taken back and they’ll always be remembered.
Words are also powerful and that’s why you have to choose them carefully. They can crush someone’s heart.
Não importa quantas vezes peça desculpa e mesmo que ele decida perdoá-lo, o seu parceiro lembrar-se-á sempre desses insultos.
If you see that your partner isn’t communicating with you like they used to, the first thing you have to identify is “why”.
Depois de descobrir a razão, tem de se sentar com o seu parceiro e resolver a situação.
Também tem de aprender a ser um bom ouvinte. Tem de se certificar de que o seu parceiro sabe que está a ouvi-lo e ao que ele tem para dizer.
Quando há falta de comunicação, faz com que nos concentremos mais em nós próprios do que no nosso parceiro e vice-versa.
You only think about your problems and the things that you don’t like – you don’t think about all the things that are bothering your significant other.
Para testar os seus sentimentos
This might sound strange or funny, but it’s true. We want to make sure that our partner loves us as much as they say they do or as much as we love them, so we put their feelings to the test.
We think if they honestly love us, then they will also be afraid of losing us. Consequently, they’ll be able to forgive us if we hurt them.
In a way, that’s how we want them to prove their love to us. There are so many ways you can test your partner’s feelings and this is probably the worst one.
If you have doubts about your partner’s feelings, you should be sincere with them and admit to them that you may have to be reassured at times.
The next time you think about testing your loved one’s feelings by doing something that could hurt them, just imagine how you would feel if they did the same thing to you.
Expectativas irrealistas
Having expectations is great because it shows that you have some standards and you appreciate yourself. But, there’s a huge difference between knowing your self-worth and being overly demanding.
Ter grandes expectativas é um assassino para qualquer relação. Primeiro, magoam-no a si, depois fazem-no querer magoar o seu parceiro por não ser capaz de satisfazer as suas expectativas.
You can’t expect your partner to behave the way you want them to all the time. They also have their own standards and there are some things that they won’t do, no matter how much they love you.
É claro que nunca devemos baixar os nossos padrões e permitir que alguém nos trate mal.
No entanto, para bem do seu próprio bem-estar emocional, deve deixar de estabelecer expectativas tão elevadas.
You should set some basic and important boundaries that you mustn’t let anyone cross. For everything else, you can talk and compromise with your partner.
When you realize that your partner is not able to fulfill all your expectations, you feel disappointed and hurt and you start thinking that they don’t even love you.
You get mad and your intention becomes to hurt them. Can you see it? In the end, It’s only your fault you’re hurt and disappointed.
Antes de definir essas expectativas para o seu parceiro, deve saber que as expectativas irrealistas conduzem sempre a uma grande desilusão.
Procura uma forma de sair de uma relação
Terminar uma relação nunca é fácil, mas a única forma correcta de o fazer é dizer ao seu parceiro pessoalmente.
If you hurt them so as to manipulate them into leaving you, it only means that you’re a coward for not being brave enough to tell them to their face.
Maybe you’re hurting them because you can’t admit even to yourself that your relationship has come to an end.
Maybe you’re doing it unintentionally.
However, that’s not an excuse. If you’re not sure how you feel about them anymore, you can always ask them for some space to be alone with your thoughts.
Depois disso, a única coisa correcta a fazer é ter a coragem de lhes dizer o que decidiu.
Vingança
Your partner has hurt you and you have chosen to forgive him and move on with your relationship. However, you aren’t at peace and you might start thinking that only revenge can make you feel better.
Some people believe in that kind of ‘an eye for an eye’ justice.
Acreditam, sem qualquer dúvida, que se fizerem algo que faça o seu parceiro sofrer, isso fará com que se sintam melhor e que a sua dor emocional diminuirá.
Wrong. Revenge only brings more negative feelings and you still won’t feel any better. Your pain will still be there.
O mais importante é que, quando decidimos perdoar alguém por algo que nos fez, temos de o fazer com sinceridade.
Trust me, if you’re still holding grudges, even though you’ve said that you’ve forgiven your partner, you’ll only hurt yourself.
Há muitas razões para magoarmos as pessoas que amamos. O mais importante é que quase sempre o fazemos sem intenção.
After all, there’s one thing we should all know; we can’t intentionally hurt the person we love without hurting ourselves, because when we truly love someone, we feel their pain as our own.
