Porque é que as pessoas agradam?

Trying to please everyone is a sure way to lose energy and feel drained quickly. It can be exhausting trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations often at the expense of our own.

Helping others isn’t necessarily an issue, in or of itself. It means we’re empático e ajuda-nos a mantermo-nos socialmente ligados. No entanto, a necessidade constante de agradar às pessoas pode ser um sintoma de uma doença emocional mais profunda. Sentir a necessidade de satisfazer as expectativas dos outros para se sentir digno pode ser um sinal de um problema interno não resolvido.

É importante compreender que nunca conseguiremos preencher um vazio interior comprando coisas materiais. Não podemos preencher este vazio comprando formas de nos fazermos parecer bem por fora. A única maneira de sentir a verdadeira felicidade é encher o nosso copo interior com amor, apoio e aceitação.

Da mesma forma, não podemos agradar às pessoas para alcançarmos a felicidade. Esta é apenas mais uma forma de tentar encher o copo externamente e não internamente. If we continually concentrate on what everyone else wants from us, we lose our sense of what we want – and need. Quando suprimimos esta voz interna durante muito tempo, ficamos completamente esgotados.

O problema de agradar às pessoas pode estar enraizado algures no seu interior, ou pode ser um sinal de uma relação tóxica with an individual who is an energy taker. Often, emotional abusers zap our energy by taking all of the “good stuff” and replacing it with projected feelings of incompleteness they would otherwise carry with them.

If you are always giving everything you have to a partnership and, yet, feel it’s not enough or you’re actually being told it’s not enough, this is a problem. If you are in a partnership in which you are constantly giving, and your partner doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts, something is wrong.

By the same token, if you are constantly giving yourself to someone or to a certain situation without being asked to do so and the recipient is telling you enough is enough, you will need to take a long hard look at yourself to figure out why you have an inherent need for self-sacrifice. We may do this for some time before enough energy is zapped from us that we begin to realize it can’t continue. At this point, we have to try to figure out why we’re constantly giving and how we can change this behavior.

Por vezes, a causa é um traumatismo precoce. Todos nós carregamos o peso do nosso passado para o presente, quer queiramos quer não. If the past was unpleasant and we felt we were in a situation in which we couldn’t save ourselves or another person, this weight may have caused us to be burdened with a continual desire to help. It may have ingrained in us a need to come to the rescue.

A need to please can be a result of the way we were raised as well. Maybe we’re mirroring behaviors we watched when we were younger. We tend to emulate the actions of those who raised us if the experience was positive. We want to give back, and this is healthy as long as it doesn’t get to a point where we’re giving far too much.

Balance is key. Knowing when to cut back a bit and concentrate our energy internally is important. We have to understand when we’re too readily depleting the positive, so we can pause for a refill.

There are numerous signs to look out for that could indicate we’re giving too much of ourselves. You may feel overburdened with responsibilities and feel you have to accomplish things that others could easily have taken off your shoulders. You may find yourself unable to say ‘no’ even when your plate is far too full. You may find yourself absorbing the traits of others even if they are counterintuitive to how you self-identify and who you are.

Se sente uma necessidade constante de que os outros reconheçam os seus esforços e se dá por si a procurar aprovação nas redes sociais ou nos seus círculos sociais, pode estar a exagerar. Pode estar a procurar a atenção e a aprovação dos outros para se sentir bem por dentro. Lembre-se, a verdadeira felicidade não pode vir de recursos externos. Ela só pode vir de dentro.

If you feel like you’re exhausted and completely depleted, take some time to really review your circumstances and consider making some changes wherever necessary. You don’t need to continue to self-sacrifice. When you’re okay, everyone else around you will be, too.