Perché le persone ci pregano?

Trying to please everyone is a sure way to lose energy and feel drained quickly. It can be exhausting trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations often at the expense of our own.

Helping others isn’t necessarily an issue, in or of itself. It means we’re empatico e ci aiuta a rimanere socialmente connessi. Tuttavia, il bisogno costante di compiacere le persone può essere il sintomo di un disturbo emotivo più profondo. Sentire il bisogno di soddisfare le aspettative degli altri per sentirsi all'altezza potrebbe essere il segno di un problema interno irrisolto.

È importante capire che non saremo mai in grado di riempire un vuoto interiore acquistando cose materiali. Non possiamo riempire questo vuoto comprando modi per apparire belli all'esterno. L'unico modo per provare la vera felicità è riempire la nostra tazza interna con amore, sostegno e accettazione.

Allo stesso modo, non possiamo compiacere le persone per raggiungere la felicità. Questo è solo un altro modo per cercare di riempire la tazza esternamente piuttosto che internamente. If we continually concentrate on what everyone else wants from us, we lose our sense of what we want – and need. Quando sopprimiamo questa voce interna abbastanza a lungo, ci esauriamo completamente.

Il problema del gradimento delle persone potrebbe essere radicato da qualche parte all'interno, oppure potrebbe essere un problema di segno di una relazione tossica with an individual who is an energy taker. Often, emotional abusers zap our energy by taking all of the “good stuff” and replacing it with projected feelings of incompleteness they would otherwise carry with them.

If you are always giving everything you have to a partnership and, yet, feel it’s not enough or you’re actually being told it’s not enough, this is a problem. If you are in a partnership in which you are constantly giving, and your partner doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts, something is wrong.

By the same token, if you are constantly giving yourself to someone or to a certain situation without being asked to do so and the recipient is telling you enough is enough, you will need to take a long hard look at yourself to figure out why you have an inherent need for self-sacrifice. We may do this for some time before enough energy is zapped from us that we begin to realize it can’t continue. At this point, we have to try to figure out why we’re constantly giving and how we can change this behavior.

A volte la causa è un trauma precoce. Tutti noi portiamo il peso del nostro passato nel presente, che lo decidiamo o meno. If the past was unpleasant and we felt we were in a situation in which we couldn’t save ourselves or another person, this weight may have caused us to be burdened with a continual desire to help. It may have ingrained in us a need to come to the rescue.

A need to please can be a result of the way we were raised as well. Maybe we’re mirroring behaviors we watched when we were younger. We tend to emulate the actions of those who raised us if the experience was positive. We want to give back, and this is healthy as long as it doesn’t get to a point where we’re giving far too much.

Balance is key. Knowing when to cut back a bit and concentrate our energy internally is important. We have to understand when we’re too readily depleting the positive, so we can pause for a refill.

There are numerous signs to look out for that could indicate we’re giving too much of ourselves. You may feel overburdened with responsibilities and feel you have to accomplish things that others could easily have taken off your shoulders. You may find yourself unable to say ‘no’ even when your plate is far too full. You may find yourself absorbing the traits of others even if they are counterintuitive to how you self-identify and who you are.

Se sentite il bisogno costante che gli altri riconoscano i vostri sforzi e vi ritrovate a cercare l'approvazione sui social media o nelle vostre cerchie sociali, è possibile che stiate esagerando. Forse cercate l'attenzione e l'approvazione degli altri per sentirvi bene dentro di voi. Ricordate che la vera felicità non può provenire da risorse esterne. Può venire solo dall'interno.

If you feel like you’re exhausted and completely depleted, take some time to really review your circumstances and consider making some changes wherever necessary. You don’t need to continue to self-sacrifice. When you’re okay, everyone else around you will be, too.