Porque é que o meu amigo me está a ignorar? 20 razões e soluções
As amizades são diferentes das relações românticas num aspeto importante: resistem muito mais facilmente à distância e à falta de contacto. Os seus amigos mais próximos fazem parte da sua família alargada – these kinds of relationships don’t follow the same progression as the one with your partner, so the expectations are different.
This doesn’t mean these relationships are unimportant, but there’s an understanding about as vossas vidas movem-se separadamente até convergirem de vez em quando e terem a oportunidade de passar algum tempo juntos. Encontrar velhos amigos pode reavivar amizades e não ter notícias do seu melhor amigo durante uma semana raramente é motivo de preocupação.
Still, when your friend fails to call you back more than a couple of times in a row and leaves your texts on read so often that you start to wonder, “Why is my friend ignoring me?” there might be problems in your friendship with this person.
Pode ser você, pode ser eles ou pode não ser nada. Let’s take a close look at all of these possibilities and figure out what to do in each case.
Porque é que o meu amigo me está a ignorar? 20 razões e como lidar com elas
When your best friend isn’t answering your phone calls or replying to your texts, you can’t help but wonder why. Your first reaction is probably to worry that something might have happened to them, but then you check and see that they’ve been online an hour ago, so you start to worry for entirely different reasons.
If you usually keep in touch with your friend regularly, it’s understandable if you’re confused and frustrated. You need to know what’s going on because you care for your friend and being kept in the dark by them is worse than being ghosted by someone you’ve been dating.
Instead of sitting around going crazy, thinking, “Why is my friend ignoring me?” your best choice is to think closely about what’s been going on with the two of you before they started ignoring you. A verdadeira razão será óbvia se examinarem honesta e atentamente a vossa relação.
Eis algumas perguntas a fazer a si próprio que o podem orientar para a resposta.
• Is it the first time this has happened or is there a pattern of behavior?
- Houve uma discussão ou aconteceu do nada?
• Has your friend been having problems – personal, relationship, work?
- O seu amigo tem problemas de saúde mental que o possam levar a afastar-se?
• Is your friend usually an outgoing person or um introvertido que precisa frequentemente de estar sozinho?
- O seu amigo começou recentemente a sair com alguém?
• Have either of you done something that might hurt the other person?
- É sempre um de vocês que inicia o contacto ou mantém a amizade?
• Has your friendship been rocky recently?
- São ambos amigos reais e verdadeiros um ao outro? Isto pode ser difícil de encarar, mas sabe a resposta.
After you’ve thought about these questions and gone through the list below, you’ll have an idea of what’s going on and how to deal with it. Once you do, you can decide how to address the issue.
1. Your friend isn’t actually ignoring you
Most people are closer to their dearest friends than to most of their family members – after all, close friends are the family you’ve chosen. It’s not unusual to feel that o teu melhor amigo é a tua irmã de coração ou o teu irmão em todos os aspectos importantes.
So, if you need your friend at the moment but they’re not available, you might feel like they’re ignoring you even when they’re not. When you’re feeling vulnerable and looking for the person you can trust and confide in, it’s easy to feel ignored if they don’t respond in the way you want them to.
SOLUÇÃO:
Comece por analisar a situação no seu todo e no seu contexto. How different is your friend’s behavior from the baseline? If you talk every day and you haven’t heard from them for two, is it a reason to worry?
What’s your mental and emotional state like? Consider if you might be overthinking things because you’re feeling needy. Before you confront your friend, ensure that they’re actually ignoring you and not simply unavailable because they have to attend to their own needs.
2. O teu amigo está ocupado
As amizades dos adultos são diferentes das que tinha quando era criança ou estudante do liceu. Durante esses períodos da sua vida, faz amizade com pessoas que estão perto de si todos os dias e cujo quotidiano é semelhante ao seu.
Quando crescemos, temos de nos concentrar na nossa própria vida e as nossas amizades mudam. They’re no longer based on the amount of time you spend together, but you realize that your true friends are people who estão ao vosso lado quando precisam deles.
If your friend seems to be ignoring you, they might just be busy with something in their own life and don’t have time to focus on you. This doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you, but that, at the moment, they’re simply too busy to give you time.
SOLUÇÃO:
Even if you think that a true friend should never be too busy to at least send a “ttyl” text because that’s what you would do, take a moment and remember a time when you were swamped at work or too engrossed in a new job or a big project, or even just overwhelmed with daily life.
On days like those, time flies and it’s easy to forget about everything that isn’t the problem at hand. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt, but let them know that you’d like them to acknowledge you when you contact them next time you talk to each other.
3. Your friend has problems they can’t share with you
Your friend might have problems that they don’t feel like they can talk to you about or that are too personal to share with anyone at all. This could include marriage problems that they need to work on with their spouse, health issues they’re facing or money problems.
If you’re the kind of person who likes to share your burdens, it might seem like your friend doesn’t trust you, but that’s not true. Simplesmente preferem manter certas coisas em privado ou entre aqueles que são afectados por elas. Pode ter a certeza de que o seu amigo virá ter consigo se ou quando puder.
SOLUÇÃO:
Respect your friend’s boundaries. Don’t ask your mutual friends if they know what’s going on – let your friend come to you when they’re ready. Text them something that tells them that they can count on you and don’t push. Don’t try to make them feel guilty or like they have to talk to you.
4. They’re hiding because they’re going through something
Some people withdraw when problems arise and they don’t talk to others until they’re okay with what they’re going through. Os problemas habituais que podem fazer com que alguém evite falar sobre eles são coisas que desafiam as suas crenças e valores ou a sua autoimagem.
Não o deixar entrar não é a sign your friend doesn’t care about youmas que se debate com determinados problemas. Pode ser difícil perceber quando é que esta pode ser a razão pela qual o seu amigo o está a ignorar, e a sua resposta está na sua personalidade e história.
SOLUÇÃO:
If your friend doesn’t like talking about certain issues or if they’re prone to depression and avoidant moods, they might be hiding until they’ve dealt with a problem, so pushing won’t give you the result you want.
The only thing you can do is make sure that your friend knows that they can come to you if they need to – if that’s how you feel – and to be understanding if they can’t.
5. O seu amigo está recentemente apaixonado e concentrado no seu interesse amoroso
Muitas pessoas ficam um pouco obcecadas com o seu parceiro no início de uma nova relação. When you’re newly in love, the last thing on your mind is thinking about how anyone else is feeling and your whole focus is on your new girlfriend or boyfriend.
Quando se trata de escolher entre o seu best friend vs. the person you’re dating to give your attention to, early in the relationship everyone hopes their friends can understand that they’re just a distraction at that moment.
SOLUÇÃO:
If your friend has been mentioning someone they like a lot and then suddenly gone missing, chances are that they found out the other person feels the same and they’re too busy for anything except their new love.
It’s up to you how you approach this when you talk to your friend, but be sure not to argue with them about this or make them feel that they’ve done something bad. Diga ao seu amigo que tem saudades dele sem o obrigar a escolher.
6. Your friend thinks you’re mad at them
O seu amigo tem alguma razão para pensar que pode estar zangado com ele? If you argued before they went missing, they might think you’re angry and don’t know how to talk to you.
Facing your loved ones when you believe they’re mad at you can be extremely difficult if you don’t know how to deal with it. If there is unsolved conflict between you, your friend could simply be afraid.
SOLUÇÃO:
If you’re not angry with your friend, make sure they know it. Text them something funny or plainly tell them that you’re good. In case you are angry, but you’d still like to talk to them, be honest about that as well.
7. They’ve had enough of your behavior
Maybe your friend is ignoring you because you’ve pushed them too far. If you repeatedly do things that your friend dislikes, it’s possible that they’ve had enough. You might not even know what it is, if you lack self-awareness or if you don’t communicate with each other effectively.
This can be a dangerous situation if you’re both stubborn and unwilling to back up. If your friend feels that your friendship isn’t worth it because they doubt that you’re willing to change and become a better friend, they might refuse to even try, so they’re ignoring you.
SOLUÇÃO:
É necessário ter uma conversa para lidar com esta questão e tem de estar disposto a aceitar a possibilidade de o seu comportamento ter causado uma rutura. If your friendship is important to you, don’t be defensive if your friend points out something you do that they dislike.
Em vez disso, pense em como deves tratar os teus melhores amigos e cultivar a vossa amizade.
8. A vossa amizade tem tudo a ver convosco
If your friend feels that you’re self-absorbed and that their only role is to be an audience to your monologues, they might have decided they’re not doing it anymore. Finding out if this is the case can be difficult because your friend might not think that they can tell you how they feel.
You must examine yourself, your behavior and your friendship closely and openly and honestly ask yourself, “Is it me?” If your friend feels like you’re not interested in them and what’s going on in their life, you might come to a point where they don’t want to be friends any longer.
SOLUÇÃO:
When a friend starts to pull back because they’re unhappy in the friendship, you must figure out if this is true by being completely honest with yourself. You already know if you’ve been using them not to feel lonely or to have someone to go out with and not because you care for them.
Se quiser resolver este problema, tem de aprender a ser um bom amigo que presta atenção e oferece apoio. If you don’t particularly care, still consider changing it and deepening your friendship because you can experience things you can’t in a superficial one.
9. You’re holding them back
One of the reasons why your friend might be pulling away and ignoring you is if you’ve been unsupportive and they feel like you’re holding them back from what they want in life. This can often happen in friendships that begin early in life and continue for years.
When you’re used to your friend being in the same situation as you, you might hold them back when they try to move forward. Por exemplo, pode desencorajá-lo de se mudar quando isso seria bom para ele, porque quer mantê-lo por perto. Outro exemplo: se ambos têm um estilo de vida pouco saudável, pode fazer com que ele se sinta mal por tentar mudar.
SOLUÇÃO:
Has your friend been trying to change and you’ve been trying to make them feel like they can’t because then it will only be you who’s not working on yourself?
Pense na sua relação sem pretensões e seja honesto sobre o que ganha com ela. If it’s validation of your own negative behaviors, consider doing things that will improve your emotional state or your mental health.
Opte por ser solidário e deixe que o seu amigo o inspire em vez de o impedir.
10. You’re too demanding or clingy
Do you often demand attention, time or something else from your friend and you’re used to getting it? If you often depend on your friend and get frustrated when they prioritize their own life, it’s possible that they’re ignoring you because they can’t deal with you at the moment.
SOLUÇÃO:
Aprender a satisfazer as suas próprias necessidades e deixar de ser pegajoso to stop making your friend feel like they’re not a good friend if they choose themselves. Isto pode arruinar amizades, por isso, se gostas do teu amigo, tens de trabalhar nesse sentido.
If your friend ignores you instead of being able to tell you that they can’t help you at the moment, they feel like you won’t take it well so they’re not even trying.
11. A tua amizade é diferente daquilo em que acreditas
Se acha que encontrou um alma gémea amizademas o seu amigo raramente pensa em si fora do trabalho, dos encontros de grupo ou de outro ambiente em que habitualmente se vêem, as suas expectativas podem ser demasiado elevadas.
Sometimes when you meet someone you like and want to be friends with, you might start moving too fast and trying to quickly create a connection. If you and the other person aren’t in the same place, they might find it overwhelming.
SOLUÇÃO:
Quer sair mais com eles, mas eles parecem sempre surpreendidos quando os contacta e raramente aceitam?
Pense há quanto tempo conhece essa pessoa e se a falta de contacto é tão significativa para ela como é para si. Se pensa nele como um amigo íntimo e ele pensa em si como um conhecido, talvez seja altura de aceitar a realidade e abrandar ou seguir em frente.
12. O teu amigo tem ciúmes de ti
If your friend doesn’t like who they are, they might be jealous of you and avoid you because you remind them of their own shortcomings. If they’re sentir-se inseguro ao seu lado because you’re moving forward or because you’re doing things they can’t, they don’t want a reminder so they might be distancing themselves.
SOLUÇÃO:
This doesn’t mean that your friend means to hurt you, but it’s a sign that they’re unhappy with themselves. Se sabe como dizer quem são os teus verdadeiros amigos, you’ll be able to decide if this friendship is worth fighting for.
Help your friend if you believe that they’re going through a rough patch, but if you know that they’re just toxic, it’s best to let them ignore you and go about your own life.
13. They’ve been a fake friend all along
People can always tell when they’re involved in relationships that aren’t good for them, but there are reasons why we stay in those relationships. If you’ve been ignoring your intuition and accepted a one-sided friendship, this might be your chance to change things.
SOLUÇÃO:
Há muitos sinais de um falso amigo that can tell you if someone you care for doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Se essa pessoa nunca foi um amigo para si, a distância pode ser exatamente o que precisava para se escolher e seguir em frente.
14. O teu amigo é tóxico
Passar tempo com o seu amigo deixa-o frequentemente exausto? Ele usa técnicas de manipulação, como o tratamento do silêncio ou a armadilha da culpa, para conseguir o que quer de si? Fazem-lhe elogios sem fundamento?
If the answers to these questions are ‘yes’, you’re dealing with a toxic friend. Se este tipo de pessoa o ignora, pode ser um jogo de poder e uma tentativa de obter algo.
SOLUÇÃO:
Use this chance and turn things around – distanciar-se from someone who isn’t good for you and decide to let go of this friendship because it’s only hurting you. If you’ve stuck with them because you feel lonely, now you’ll have the motivation and the emotional space to connect with someone else.
15. Tu és tóxico
You might think that you’re besties, but are you really as good of a friend as you think?
Are you critical, dismissive or controlling? Do you only contact them when you need something or when you’re bored? Do you think of them as competition? Se assim for, pode ser o amigo tóxico desta relação.
They’re ignoring you because they’re tired of playing along and need space.
SOLUÇÃO:
Most people don’t decide to be toxic in relationships, but it happens because of insecurities and self-esteem problems. Trabalhar sobre si próprio e tentar desenvolver a qualidades de um melhor amigo que deseja noutra pessoa e perceber que as relações têm duas faces.
16. You’ve done something to hurt them
Maybe you said something without thinking or you did something that you knew would cause your friend pain, but if you’ve hurt your friend, they might not want to talk to you for a while or at all.
Of course, intent matters, but even if you didn’t mean to hurt them, it still happened and your friend is either done with you or needs time to deal with it.
SOLUÇÃO:
Peça desculpa cara a cara e seja sincero. ‘I’m sorry’ without genuine honesty and regret is nothing. Assuma a responsabilidade pelos seus actos e esteja determinado a não os repetir se quiser salvar a sua amizade.
17. They’ve done something that would hurt you if you found out
Perhaps your friend feels guilty about something they’ve done, so they’re avoiding you. If they did something that they know would cause you pain if you knew, it might be the reason why they’re ignoring you – o teu amigo tem medo que tu descubras.
SOLUÇÃO:
Por exemplo, se o seu amigo começou a namorar com a sua ex, de quem você gostava, ele sabe que isso o deixaria triste, ou algo semelhante que ele sabia que o magoaria. Depois de descobrir o que se passa, é necessário analisar atentamente os seus sentimentos e as suas acções.
Pense se a pessoa o fez apesar de saber que o iria magoar e se teve a opção de não o fazer, e como se sente em relação a isso.
18. They’ve replaced you
Your friend stopped replying to your texts, so you’re worried and you check their social media to see if they’re around, only to find out that they’re having a blast with new friends doing something you talked about doing together.
Some people are flaky and easily change without consideration of other people’s feelings. Para pessoas assim, os outros não passam de entretenimento e não são verdadeiramente importantes para elas.
SOLUÇÃO:
Se your friend doesn’t respect you enough to let you know when they change their mind and leave you hanging, you’re better off without them. It’s important not to accept their excuses if they offer any because this is a sign of not being able to rely on them.
19. They don’t want to be friends any more
Eles costumava ser o teu melhor amigo, but recently it feels like they’re never around. When you contact them, they’re curt and eager to get away.
They might not be rude to you, but you feel like they’d rather do anything but spend time with you.
It might be something related to your actions, something connected with what’s going on in their lives or something completely different – whatever the reason, querem acabar com a vossa amizade.
SOLUÇÃO:
You can’t force anyone to like you and if someone is not interested in being your friend any longer, let them go. Approach it the same way you’d approach a breakup of a romantic relationship and protect your feelings.
20. You’re drifting apart
Por vezes, chega uma altura em que as diferenças de estilos de vida, a mudança de prioridades ou simplesmente o facto de nos tornarmos pessoas diferentes faz com que as amizades terminem.
When both of you are slowly drifting apart, you might be trying to preserve what you’ve had, but it’s not working. Tentar forçar as coisas a ficarem na mesma pode acabar em amargura e ressentimento.
SOLUÇÃO:
If you’ve been friends for a long time, it might be difficult to accept that you’re not the way you used to be, but instead of thinking in all-or-nothing terms, think of it as a change.
You don’t have to explicitly end things or forget about this person, but stop thinking of them as your best friend and someone who’ll be there when you need them and vice versa. Dar um passo atrás na desenvolvimento da amizade, accept that you’re less close and let things go.
Conclusão
It’s natural to miss your friend when they’re not talking to you and to be hurt and if you don’t know why it’s happening. The easiest way to figure out the answer to the question “Why is my friend ignoring me?” would be to ask them, but even if they’ve locked you out completely, there’s still a way to pinpoint the reason.
É preciso ter consciência de si próprio e ser honesto consigo mesmo e pensar na sua amizade. Usually, if there’s a problem, all the signs are already there. In some cases, you’ll have to accept that your relationship has come to an end and that the best thing you can do for yourself is to move on.
If it was your behavior that caused your friend to distance themselves, this could be the motivation you need to think about it and decide how it should change. If your friend is going through something, let them know that they can rely on you and come to you when they’re ready.
