Tenho medo que me deixes como todos os outros fizeram

I don’t know if you’ve ever felt those chills during cold mornings when you wake up alone, with no one to kiss and no one to say good morning to.

Those mornings were so lonely and I wasn’t able to get out of bed without crying. I must seem desperate, I’m sorry.

Mas quando dedicamos anos e anos a uma pessoa que nos deixou quando mais precisávamos dela, começamos a imaginá-la por perto.

Falamos enquanto os imaginamos perto de nós e como nos estão a ouvir. Os momentos em que o imaginava ao meu lado eram tão dolorosos.

When I went out of my way and welcomed you in my life, I knew that you were going to be one of those nice guys people told me about. Somehow, I didn’t believe that you existed.

Quem me pode culpar? Depois de todos aqueles desgostos e lágrimas choradas, a minha mente deixou de acreditar que homens como tu existiam!

Disseste que eu era a mulher mais bonita que viste e que o meu sorriso podia iluminar até a noite mais escura.

My heart skipped a beat and my throat was full of words I wanted to spill out at that moment. I didn’t think that you were going to be one of those fuckboys.

From our first date and that wonderful walk in the park, I actually saw something new in you, something I didn’t see (or feel) before. You were a wonderful human being.

E isso assustou-me. Muito.

I didn’t know how to behave at the beginning but you thought that it was cute. You fell head over heels for me. Without even knowing, I fell for you, too.

Sobrecarregaste-me com presentes de amor e afeto incondicionais. Chegou então o dia em que me sentaste para te contar a história escondida atrás do meu coração partido e as paredes que construí.

Sem pensar duas vezes, contei-te tudo. Desde o início.

I told you that he would verbally abuse me until the point where I would scream in agony, that he would bring home his ”female friends” just to compare me to them constantly.

And I told you how they would, right in front of my eyes, flirt with each other and go into his room. I would just leave. You’re wondering why I stayed so long?

He’d always come to me to beg for forgiveness, asking me to take him back, sometimes he was even crying. What would you have done in my place?

Esta é a parte em que me abraçaste e começaste a sussurrar as coisas mais emocionantes.

Disseste-me que me ias amar e acarinhar e que nunca mais me aconteceria uma coisa destas. Por isso, passei-me.

I didn’t let it show then but when I got home, I burst out in tears and I really did not know how to handle your kindness.

Comecei a escrever todas aquelas coisas maravilhosas que me dizias só para as poder guardar quando te fosses embora. Se te fosses embora, quero dizer.

You couldn’t help but notice that I started to become colder and colder to you.

You began to wonder if you did something wrong to insult me, but it wasn’t you, my dear. It was never you.

You couldn’t help but be the nicest person to me, ever! So, this is why I built up even higher walls to protect myself in case you left me. I didn’t want you to leave.

Chorava até adormecer todas as noites porque imaginava que estavas farto de mim.

I guess it’s the aftermath of an abuser. Today, I don’t know how to deal with abandonment!

No matter how many times you’d tell me that you loved me and would never leave, the fear was always present! So, I began to think a bit more into this.

Alguma vez fizeste algo que me fizesse sentir insegura? Não.

Had you ever done something to show me that you didn’t care? No. Had you ever said something to insult me? No. Were you the sweetest person to me? YES!

Então, porque é que eu ainda tinha tanto medo? Tinha medo que te fosses embora, como todos os outros na minha vida fizeram.

That’s why I wanted to apologize for all the walls you’ll still have to dig through, all the nights I would burst out in tears and wake you up, all those times I yelled at you.

Everything. I’m sorry. I am really, truly, sorry. Also, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for the person you made out of me.

Fizeste-me acreditar no amor outra vez! Quero agradecer-te por todas as vezes que estiveste lá para mim e por todos aqueles abraços maravilhosos. Obrigado.

Apesar de todas estas coisas me terem feito temer a possibilidade de um dia me deixares, estou grato.

You make me forget about that every time you looked me in the eyes and years have passed since you first told me that you loved me. You’re still here? Yes. Yes you are.