7 Hacks simples sobre como manter sempre a conversa com ele

One of the most uncomfortable things you can face when meeting a new guy is an awkward silence. There is nothing that terrifies you more. Sometimes, you’ll actually avoid meeting anyone new for a while, as you’re so scared of running out of things to say.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. There are so many of us who are terrified of running out of things to say, or even worse, saying the wrong thing due to self-inflicted pressure and making a fool of yourself. That is no way to leave a good impression.

I used to be convinced that there was something wrong with me for just not being able to find the right words at the right time and ruining a potentially good thing. But what I’ve come to realize is that there is a solution to every problem—as is the case with this!

Toda a gente lida com silêncios constrangedores e procura aquele ótimo início de conversa, mas nem todos são bem sucedidos. Mas tu podes ser. Há uma forma de resolver este problema. Não se esqueçam de mim!

Não saber o que dizer pode prejudicar seriamente a sua vida social e as suas perspectivas futuras de namoro. Mas quando aprender a manter a conversa a fluir em qualquer altura, irá enriquecer a sua vida social, aumentar a sua auto-confiança e, provavelmente, encontrar um novo parceiro romântico mais cedo ou mais tarde!

Em primeiro lugar, é preciso saber o que é que o leva a ficar sem coisas para dizer.

After researching this thoroughly, I’ve come to see that it’s not a lack of things to say that is harming your conversational skills, it’s the things you are com medo de dizerPorque há um filtro dentro de nós que nos impede de as dizer! Faz sentido, não é?

O que fazemos é, subconscientemente, verificar tudo primeiro connosco próprios, certificando-nos de que o que queremos dizer é fixe, interessante e impressionante e que vale mesmo a pena dizer. E como é que isso afecta as suas capacidades de conversação? Mata-as!

By not allowing yourself to be spontaneous and always thinking twice before saying something, because you don’t want him to think you’re ignorant, you’re ruining the natural flow and progression of the conversation.

Think about it.; how many times have you stopped yourself from saying something that is really totally okay and harmless but you just weren’t 100% sure of it, so you held back.

Stop doing that. Let yourself say whatever comes to your mind, because if you keep filtering yourself, he is never going to get to know the real you. And what’s the point in that?

Outra coisa que causa problemas é não conseguir desligar-se totalmente das coisas relacionadas com o trabalho ou das coisas que o estão a incomodar nesse dia. Quando se tem sempre algo em mente e não se está disposto a esquecer, esse algo vai ficar sempre na cabeça e criar uma distração para não se desfrutar totalmente das coisas e deixar-se ir.

If you’ve had a difficult day at work, or somebody is annoying you, deal with it in due time, so that when it’s time for your date or a social gathering, you can be fully invested and without any unnecessary diversions.

Tudo isto pode parecer demasiado para assumir neste momento, mas depois de ler atentamente as seguintes 7 soluções para o seu problema, será muito mais fácil adaptar-se e melhorar substancialmente as suas capacidades de conversação!

1. Sometimes, you’re just not compatible conversationally and that’s okay

Sometimes in life, there is just no chemistry between two people and there’s no point in forcing something that feels wrong. The same goes for making the conversation flow.

Quando se encontra o homem certo, you will feel that chemistry and you’ll also know when you have to fake it, which is a red flag from the get-go. So, first make sure that you have that click with him that makes it worth going through all this trouble to make a good conversation with him.

If there is no conversational chemistry, you probably won’t be compatible in other ways either.

As you go through the dating process, you will run into all kinds of guys and not all experiences will be the same. Some will be worth the trouble, others not, and that’s all okay. You learn from experience, so never let bad dates discourage you from trying again.

Em vez de se concentrar em todos os encontros em que a conversa foi seca e em que não havia nada que valesse a pena dizer, concentre-se em todos aqueles em que se sentiu bem, em que a conversa simplesmente fluiu.

When you realize that with some guys, it’s just not going to work, you’re making it easier on yourself when you go back on the market. When there’s no chemistry, don’t force it. With the right guy, you won’t have to try that hard.

2. Aprender a ouvir

This is what most people can’t quite grasp. The majority of a conversation is done by simply listening!

A maioria das mulheres está concentrada na coisa errada. Todas tentam pensar em coisas que ELAS deveriam estar a dizer, em vez de aprenderem a ouvir o seu parceiro e deixarem que seja isso a fazer avançar a conversa.

Asking questions is a great way to start up a dialogue. Avoid questions that can simply be answered by ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and ask those intriguing ones that will make him talk a little more in depth.

Faça-lhe perguntas sobre as suas paixões, pergunte-lhe o que o faz levantar de manhã. Pergunte-lhe sobre a sua infância e a sua vida familiar. Tente fazer com que ele fale sobre o seu lado mais íntimo, o que fará com que a conversa flua sem problemas, mas também vos ajudará a estabelecer uma ligação mais profunda e a conhecerem-se melhor.

While questions are a really good way to tickle his fancy and ignite a quality conversation, make sure you don’t come off too interrogative.

You don’t want him to feel like he’s being interrogated for the role of your husband, by prying too much too soon.

Know your boundaries and leave those most personal and intimate questions for a later time when you’re at that level of comfort with each other.

Relacionadas: Como é a química para um homem? Uma visão completa

3. Don’t let the silence scare you too much

Know that not every single moment has to be filled with words. There is no rule saying that you can’t be quiet for a few seconds. Nobody will think less of you and chances are he’s feeling the exact same pressure as you are.

So, relax and realize that it’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. There are so many little ways how you can fill those few seconds when you don’t have anything smart to say.

Pode demorar algum tempo a mastigar a comida (ninguém acha atrativo falar com a boca cheia) ou beber um gole da sua bebida e depois servir-se de mais. Dê-lhe um segundo para ele próprio pensar no que dizer; ninguém tem a coisa certa preparado para dizer em qualquer altura.

Let him do the talking sometimes. When you’re so focused on trying to think of witty things to say, you are denying him the opportunity to actually say something meaningful and nobody likes being interrupted.

Por isso, ouça mais e fale menos. Por vezes, isso é tudo o que é preciso.

4. Repetir a última coisa que ele disse

This is a great way to keep the conversation going when there’s a lull, and you just can’t take it—repeat his last statement!

If you’re at a loss for words and you’re struggling to keep it going, resort to this. Repeating the last phrase someone has said will very likely make him keep going, as he will take it as a nudge that you’re interested in what he has to say and continue talking about it.

And if he’s a talkative person by nature, you’re in luck. He probably won’t even need that nudge to keep at it but you can use it for just in case.

So if he says something like, “So as I was walking away from the scene, this guy, dressed as a clown, just jumped in front of me, out of nowhere, screamed, and then vanished in the fog…’’ then you just need to say, “A clown jumped in front you out of nowhere?!’’ and it will keep him going and explaining the story further.

Other than making him keep talking and avoiding awkward silences, it will also show him that you are listening to what he has to say and that you are interested in hearing it. So, it’s a win-win.

5. Fazer mais perguntas, consoante as respostas dadas

 

This is a great follow-up to the last one. When he gives you an answer to one question, use it as an example of what to ask next. It’s a proven way to keep him going without having to intervene too much.

If he’s telling you a story and he seems to be nearing the end, just ask him about the last thing he said in the story. Make him elaborate, be interested in how things might have turned out had he not done that certain thing.

He won’t even realize that you’re letting him do most of the talking, without sharing too much yourself. He will see that you are involved in the conversation but won’t realize that he’s the one doing most of the talking!

It’s a really genius way to keep things interesting, don’t you think?

You’re letting him talk about himself (men love that) and are therefore making him happy. At the same time, you’re getting to know so much about him and the date is going smoothly!

And when he finally has nothing left to say, you’ll have plenty, as you were so busy being the great listener that you are. So you really can’t go wrong with this method!

Genial, eu sei.

6. Tornar a atividade o mais divertida possível

Por vezes, as conversas precisam de um pouco de picante! Por isso, adicionar o fator diversão tornará a conversa muito mais interessante para ambos!

Faça um pequeno jogo. Faça-lhe perguntas hipotéticas, tais como:

· If you were forced to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
· If you just won the lottery, what would be the first thing you’d spend the money on?
· If you were president for a week, which changes would you implement, if any?

You can even openly just tell him how much you love playing fun games and suggest playing ‘prefere?’ or ’21 questions’.

Quem diria que não a isso? Para além de garantir um bom tempo de qualidade em conjunto, sem pausas embaraçosas, também vos permitirá simplesmente divertirem-se um com o outro, estarem num ambiente relaxante e rirem-se!

It’s a major win! I honestly don’t know what you’re waiting for! Who doesn’t want to spend a whole date laughing with a guy? It will enhance the chances of a second date and deepen the chemistry that you’re already feeling.

E o bom é que nenhuma dessas perguntas é de natureza séria e interrogativa, pelo que nenhum de vós se sentirá pressionado a responder!

São feitas simplesmente para animar o ambiente e deixar-vos o mais à vontade possível um com o outro. Pode resultar numa sensação muito agradável sobre o encontro e criar uma óptima conversa. Boa!

7. Elogiá-lo é sempre uma vantagem

Se o rapaz parecer um pouco desconfortável e nervoso ao início, elogie-o! Para além de o fazer sentir-se bem consigo próprio, será também um bom quebra-gelo para o seu encontro.

Sinto que se dá tanta importância ao facto de os homens elogiarem as mulheres (mas sem ultrapassarem os limites do comportamento normal e aceitável) e que não há muitas mulheres a elogiarem os homens!

Os homens também gostam de ouvir que têm bom aspeto! Afinal de contas, eles são apenas humanos. Por muito agradável que seja ouvir um elogio da parte dele, não se esqueça de retribuir o favor e de lhe dizer como ele está ótimo e como cheira bem. Isso vai aumentar a confiança dele e facilitar o início de uma conversa.

Os elogios podem ir muito longe, deixem-me dizer-vos isso.

Vai animar imediatamente o ambiente, provavelmente fazer-vos rir um pouco (o que é muito giro e adorável, para ambos!) e facilitar a conversa.

Também pode elogiar a escolha do restaurante, dizer que a comida é fantástica, ou simplesmente elogiar as suas maneiras e a sua natureza amável. Não há como errar com nenhuma destas opções.

Now that we’ve covered what you SHOULD do to keep the conversation going, let’s quickly revise what you SHOULDN’T do.

Em primeiro lugar, nunca se deve falar do ex.

While this seems like an obvious thing to say, you’d be stunned at how many people still choose to mention their exes on dates.

Sure, it’s cool to bring it up after having been on at least a few dates but when you’re just getting to know each other, steer clear of the ex-files.

No guy likes to hear about the guys you slept with before him, when he’s trying to woo you!

As innocent as it may seem, always stop yourself and say something else instead. It just won’t leave a good impression on your date, trust me—and thank me later.

Don’t talk about money, either.

Another useful tip: don’t mention money. Never ask him how much he makes and don’t mention your financial situation.

Tudo isto são coisas que devem ser discutidas mais tarde, se e quando as coisas se tornarem mais sérias. Mas, por agora, mantenham a calma.

Nobody likes to talk about money on first dates; it ruins the mood and gives him the wrong impression. And if you’re only looking to sair com homens com um certo sucesso financeiro, you’re in it for the wrong reason.

Get to know the guy first and decide if you like him as a person. What he makes really shouldn’t be a factor in whether or not you continue dating him but hey, to each their own!

Evitar a política.

If you’re very politically oriented and you have strong opinions, that’s all good but save that for your friends. Don’t rant to a guy you just met at a bar.

That is too heavy a subject for getting to know one another and it’s too intense. Focus on other stuff and wait for at least three or four dates before getting all political. And even then, don’t unload it all on him at once.

Passos de bebé, como se costuma dizer. Inicie a conversa e veja como é que ele reage. A reação dele dir-lhe-á se deve abandonar o assunto ou continuar.