7 semplici trucchi per mantenere sempre viva la conversazione con lui
One of the most uncomfortable things you can face when meeting a new guy is an awkward silence. There is nothing that terrifies you more. Sometimes, you’ll actually avoid meeting anyone new for a while, as you’re so scared of running out of things to say.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. There are so many of us who are terrified of running out of things to say, or even worse, saying the wrong thing due to self-inflicted pressure and making a fool of yourself. That is no way to leave a good impression.
I used to be convinced that there was something wrong with me for just not being able to find the right words at the right time and ruining a potentially good thing. But what I’ve come to realize is that there is a solution to every problem—as is the case with this!
Tutti hanno a che fare con silenzi imbarazzanti e sono alla ricerca di un ottimo spunto di conversazione, ma non molti ci riescono. Ma voi potete riuscirci. C'è un modo per risolvere questo problema. Seguitemi!
Non sapere cosa dire può danneggiare seriamente la vostra vita sociale e le vostre future prospettive di incontri. Ma una volta imparato a mantenere la conversazione in ogni momento, arricchirete la vostra vita sociale, aumenterete la vostra fiducia in voi stessi e probabilmente troverete un nuovo partner romantico più presto che mai!
In primo luogo, è necessario sapere che cosa vi porta a esaurire le cose da dire.
After researching this thoroughly, I’ve come to see that it’s not a lack of things to say that is harming your conversational skills, it’s the things you are paura di direperché c'è un filtro dentro di voi che vi impedisce di dirle! Ha senso, eh?
In questo modo, si controlla inconsciamente tutto prima di tutto con se stessi, assicurandosi che quello che si vuole dire sia bello, interessante e impressionante e che valga davvero la pena di dirlo. E come influisce questo sulle vostre capacità di conversazione? Le uccide!
By not allowing yourself to be spontaneous and always thinking twice before saying something, because you don’t want him to think you’re ignorant, you’re ruining the natural flow and progression of the conversation.
Think about it.; how many times have you stopped yourself from saying something that is really totally okay and harmless but you just weren’t 100% sure of it, so you held back.
Stop doing that. Let yourself say whatever comes to your mind, because if you keep filtering yourself, he is never going to get to know the real you. And what’s the point in that?
Un'altra cosa che causa problemi è l'impossibilità di staccare completamente la spina dalle cose legate al lavoro o dalle cose che vi preoccupano in quel giorno. Quando si ha sempre in mente qualcosa e non si è disposti a lasciarla andare, questa rimarrà sempre nella nostra testa e ci distrarrà dal goderci appieno le cose e dal lasciarci andare.
If you’ve had a difficult day at work, or somebody is annoying you, deal with it in due time, so that when it’s time for your date or a social gathering, you can be fully invested and without any unnecessary diversions.
Tutto questo può sembrare troppo da affrontare in questo momento, ma dopo aver letto attentamente le 7 soluzioni al problema che seguono, sarà molto più facile adattarsi e migliorare sostanzialmente le proprie capacità di conversazione!
1. Sometimes, you’re just not compatible conversationally and that’s okay
Sometimes in life, there is just no chemistry between two people and there’s no point in forcing something that feels wrong. The same goes for making the conversation flow.
Quando si incontra l'uomo giusto, you will feel that chemistry and you’ll also know when you have to fake it, which is a red flag from the get-go. So, first make sure that you have that click with him that makes it worth going through all this trouble to make a good conversation with him.
If there is no conversational chemistry, you probably won’t be compatible in other ways either.
As you go through the dating process, you will run into all kinds of guys and not all experiences will be the same. Some will be worth the trouble, others not, and that’s all okay. You learn from experience, so never let bad dates discourage you from trying again.
Invece di concentrarvi su tutti quegli appuntamenti in cui la conversazione era arida e non c'era nulla che valesse la pena di dire, concentratevi su tutti quelli che vi sono sembrati giusti, in cui la conversazione è fluita.
When you realize that with some guys, it’s just not going to work, you’re making it easier on yourself when you go back on the market. When there’s no chemistry, don’t force it. With the right guy, you won’t have to try that hard.
2. Imparare ad ascoltare
This is what most people can’t quite grasp. The majority of a conversation is done by simply listening!
La maggior parte delle donne si concentra sulla cosa sbagliata. Cercano tutte di pensare alle cose che LORO dovrebbero dire, invece di imparare ad ascoltare il partner e lasciare che sia la cosa che fa andare avanti la conversazione.
Asking questions is a great way to start up a dialogue. Avoid questions that can simply be answered by ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and ask those intriguing ones that will make him talk a little more in depth.
Fategli domande sulle sue passioni, chiedetegli cosa lo fa alzare la mattina. Chiedetegli della sua infanzia e della sua vita familiare. Cercate di fargli parlare dei suoi lati più intimi, che renderanno la conversazione scorrevole e vi aiuteranno a stabilire un legame più profondo e a conoscervi meglio.
While questions are a really good way to tickle his fancy and ignite a quality conversation, make sure you don’t come off too interrogative.
You don’t want him to feel like he’s being interrogated for the role of your husband, by prying too much too soon.
Know your boundaries and leave those most personal and intimate questions for a later time when you’re at that level of comfort with each other.
Correlato: Come si sente la chimica per un uomo? Una visione completa
3. Don’t let the silence scare you too much
Know that not every single moment has to be filled with words. There is no rule saying that you can’t be quiet for a few seconds. Nobody will think less of you and chances are he’s feeling the exact same pressure as you are.
So, relax and realize that it’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. There are so many little ways how you can fill those few seconds when you don’t have anything smart to say.
Potete prendere tempo masticando il cibo (nessuno trova attraente chi parla con la bocca piena) o sorseggiare il vostro drink e poi versarne dell'altro. Lasciategli un attimo di tempo per capire cosa dire; nessuno ha mai la cosa giusta pronto a dire in ogni momento.
Let him do the talking sometimes. When you’re so focused on trying to think of witty things to say, you are denying him the opportunity to actually say something meaningful and nobody likes being interrupted.
Quindi, ascoltate di più e parlate di meno. A volte basta questo.
4. Ripetere l'ultima cosa che ha detto
This is a great way to keep the conversation going when there’s a lull, and you just can’t take it—repeat his last statement!
If you’re at a loss for words and you’re struggling to keep it going, resort to this. Repeating the last phrase someone has said will very likely make him keep going, as he will take it as a nudge that you’re interested in what he has to say and continue talking about it.
And if he’s a talkative person by nature, you’re in luck. He probably won’t even need that nudge to keep at it but you can use it for just in case.
So if he says something like, “So as I was walking away from the scene, this guy, dressed as a clown, just jumped in front of me, out of nowhere, screamed, and then vanished in the fog…’’ then you just need to say, “A clown jumped in front you out of nowhere?!’’ and it will keep him going and explaining the story further.
Other than making him keep talking and avoiding awkward silences, it will also show him that you are listening to what he has to say and that you are interested in hearing it. So, it’s a win-win.
5. Porre ulteriori domande, a seconda delle risposte fornite.
This is a great follow-up to the last one. When he gives you an answer to one question, use it as an example of what to ask next. It’s a proven way to keep him going without having to intervene too much.
If he’s telling you a story and he seems to be nearing the end, just ask him about the last thing he said in the story. Make him elaborate, be interested in how things might have turned out had he not done that certain thing.
He won’t even realize that you’re letting him do most of the talking, without sharing too much yourself. He will see that you are involved in the conversation but won’t realize that he’s the one doing most of the talking!
It’s a really genius way to keep things interesting, don’t you think?
You’re letting him talk about himself (men love that) and are therefore making him happy. At the same time, you’re getting to know so much about him and the date is going smoothly!
And when he finally has nothing left to say, you’ll have plenty, as you were so busy being the great listener that you are. So you really can’t go wrong with this method!
Geniale, lo so.
6. Rendere il tutto più divertente possibile
A volte le conversazioni hanno bisogno di un po' di pepe! Quindi, aggiungere il fattore divertimento renderà la conversazione molto più interessante per entrambi!
Fate un piccolo gioco. Ponetegli domande ipotetiche come:
· If you were forced to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
· If you just won the lottery, what would be the first thing you’d spend the money on?
· If you were president for a week, which changes would you implement, if any?
You can even openly just tell him how much you love playing fun games and suggest playing ‘preferiresti?’ or ’21 questions’.
Chi direbbe di no? Oltre a garantire un buon tempo di qualità insieme senza pause imbarazzanti, vi permetterà anche di divertirvi semplicemente l'uno con l'altro, di stare in un'atmosfera rilassante e di ridere!
It’s a major win! I honestly don’t know what you’re waiting for! Who doesn’t want to spend a whole date laughing with a guy? It will enhance the chances of a second date and deepen the chemistry that you’re already feeling.
La cosa positiva è che nessuna di queste domande è di natura seria e interrogativa, quindi nessuno di voi si sentirà obbligato a rispondere!
Sono fatti semplicemente per alleggerire l'atmosfera e mettervi il più possibile a vostro agio l'uno con l'altro. Possono dare una sensazione davvero piacevole dell'appuntamento e creare una grande conversazione. Evviva!
7. Fare i complimenti è sempre un vantaggio
Se all'inizio il ragazzo sembra un po' a disagio e nervoso, fategli dei complimenti! Oltre a farlo sentire bene con se stesso, sarà anche un buon rompighiaccio per il vostro appuntamento.
Mi sembra che ci sia tanta enfasi sui complimenti degli uomini alle donne (ma senza superare i limiti di un comportamento normale e accettabile) e non abbastanza sulle donne che fanno i complimenti agli uomini!
Anche ai ragazzi piace sentirsi dire che sono belli! Dopotutto, sono solo esseri umani. Per quanto sia bello sentirsi fare un complimento da lui, assicuratevi di ricambiare il favore e di fargli sapere quanto è bello e quanto ha un buon profumo. Questo aumenterà la sua fiducia e gli renderà più facile iniziare una conversazione.
I complimenti possono fare molta strada, lasciatemelo dire.
Alleggerirà immediatamente l'atmosfera, probabilmente vi farà ridacchiare un po' (il che è molto carino e adorabile, per entrambi!) e vi faciliterà la conversazione.
Potete anche complimentarvi per la scelta del ristorante, per la bontà del cibo o semplicemente per le sue maniere e la sua gentilezza. Non c'è davvero modo di sbagliare con nessuna di queste opzioni.
Now that we’ve covered what you SHOULD do to keep the conversation going, let’s quickly revise what you SHOULDN’T do.
In primo luogo, non dovete mai parlare del vostro ex.
While this seems like an obvious thing to say, you’d be stunned at how many people still choose to mention their exes on dates.
Sure, it’s cool to bring it up after having been on at least a few dates but when you’re just getting to know each other, steer clear of the ex-files.
No guy likes to hear about the guys you slept with before him, when he’s trying to woo you!
As innocent as it may seem, always stop yourself and say something else instead. It just won’t leave a good impression on your date, trust me—and thank me later.
Don’t talk about money, either.
Another useful tip: don’t mention money. Never ask him how much he makes and don’t mention your financial situation.
Sono tutte cose di cui dovrete parlare in un secondo momento, se e quando le cose si faranno più serie. Ma per il momento, mantenete la calma.
Nobody likes to talk about money on first dates; it ruins the mood and gives him the wrong impression. And if you’re only looking to uscire con ragazzi di un certo successo finanziario, you’re in it for the wrong reason.
Get to know the guy first and decide if you like him as a person. What he makes really shouldn’t be a factor in whether or not you continue dating him but hey, to each their own!
Non fatevi condizionare dalla politica.
If you’re very politically oriented and you have strong opinions, that’s all good but save that for your friends. Don’t rant to a guy you just met at a bar.
That is too heavy a subject for getting to know one another and it’s too intense. Focus on other stuff and wait for at least three or four dates before getting all political. And even then, don’t unload it all on him at once.
Passi piccoli, come si suol dire. Iniziate la conversazione e vedete come reagisce. La sua reazione vi dirà se dovete abbandonare l'argomento o continuare.
