9 sinais tóxicos de padrões duplos nos relacionamentos
Double standards in relationships are quite common and it seems it’s been that way since the beginning of time.
Tanto os homens como as mulheres usam-nas uns nos outros, e ninguém é inocente, mas, de alguma forma, parece que as mulheres ficam sempre com a pior parte.
Different rules apply to men and women. Generally speaking and in most of the world’s cultures, when it comes to male-female relationships, things can get pretty unfair.
Eu sei que o mundo não é justo, mas as mulheres deveriam ser julgado mais severos por fazerem exatamente as mesmas coisas que os homens fazem?
Claro que não. Mas fazem-no na mesma, e há muitos homens tóxicos por aí que usam dois pesos e duas medidas nas relações em seu benefício.
Seria de esperar que, neste século, as coisas mudassem e que a duplicidade de critérios fosse uma coisa do passado.
Mas, infelizmente, há sinais de alerta para este tipo de comportamento em todo o mundo.
Por isso, tenha cuidado e veja os sinais tóxicos de padrões duplos nas relações que nunca deve tolerar.
Lista de padrões duplos nas relações românticas:
1. When men have female friends, they expect you to look at it as something quite normal and acceptable, but you having male friends doesn’t go so well with him.
Não se trata apenas de uma questão de dois pesos e duas medidas nas relações, mas tem também tudo a ver com a confiança.
Quando se tem confiança em a sua relação, other male or female friendships of your significant other won’t be an issue.
A principal diferença entre homens e mulheres neste domínio é que as mulheres são rotuladas de ciumentas e loucas por pensarem que pode estar a acontecer algo que ultrapassa a amizade.
Por outro lado, os homens procuram a compreensão porque se sentem ameaçados por toda a situação.
Your partner shouldn’t ask you to ditch your guy friends just because the two of you are exclusive now.
He should understand that your male friends were in your life long before him and if you wanted to have something more than friendship, you already would’ve.
It’s not okay for him to ask you to tolerate something he is unable to. Protect your friendships and don’t risk losing a good friend for someone who clearly doesn’t trust you.
A good partner understands that you’ve had a long life before him and during that time you’ve cultivated many friendships.
Some of them are with men who ended up being among your closest friends. If he trusts you, he knows you’d never do anything to endanger your relationship.
If he doesn’t, he’ll pressure you to stop seeing your guy friends.
It’s up to you to decide who gets to control your life and your friend group. And that person should be you and you only, so make it known.
2. When men are strongly opinionated, they’re called driven, macho and confident. When women are strongly opinionated, they’re called bitches.
É uma grande diferença. Como se a Idade Média estivesse de volta e as mulheres devessem ser impedidas de dizer o que pensam de forma direta e sem rodeios.
It’s funny how in this day and age, women are looked at differently and called bitches just because they dare to stand for what they believe in.
O homem que te chama fala-barato e quer restringir a tua liberdade de expressão não é, definitivamente, o homem certo para ti.
A única opinião que lhe interessa é a dele e não tem qualquer interesse em ouvir o que tem para dizer.
Também há homens que se sentem intimidados por serem fortes, mulheres inteligentes e não é com homens assim que deves sair.
And you need to realize that those men aren’t macho and confident; they’re weak and they’re cowards.
They feel threatened by a woman who’s powerful and opinionated, and they make her feel bad about it to boost their own fragile ego.
Recognize a weak man when he tries to diminish a strong woman’s flame. A real man builds his woman up and pushes her to be her best self.
Um homem fraco deita-a abaixo, fá-la sentir-se mal por ser forte e chama-lhe cabra.
I think it’s time this charade stops and the only way that’s ever going to happen is when each woman speaks up.
3. Quando os homens têm um número mais elevado de parceiras íntimas são aplaudidos, mas as mulheres com um número semelhante são envergonhadas.
When a man has seen more naked female bodies than he can count, he is a hero among his friends. He is a hot-shot and that’s perfectly normal.
But if a woman had to admit it openly, she’d be slut-shamed. She would be labeled as “easy” or called all sorts of names.
Yes, this still happens. It doesn’t seem quite fair, does it? It’s because it isn’t and women should be able to decide who they sleep with and when, just like men do.
If you’re dating someone who’s putting you down because your number of past intimate partners is high (and/or current for non-exclusive, open relationships), you’re dealing with the wrong man.
Isto nunca deve ser um problema. A sua vida no quarto ou o seu passado nunca devem ser usados contra si.
Some find love with their high school sweetheart and some find it later on. Your number will probably depend on that and that’s not something you should be ashamed of.
Don’t tolerate that kind of behavior.Don’t ever let a man tell you you’re a slut for having had the exact same number of intimate partners as him.
Este tipo de comportamento é terrível e só nos faz recuar no tempo.
Be proud of your choices and stand behind them no matter what. If he has a problem with that, he’s a prick with no respect and no morals. You need um homem de verdade, and that’s not him.
4. When a man spends his entire day playing video games, that’s totally okay, but when a woman spends her entire day shopping, she’s superficial.
The thing is shopping, just as video games, are good pastime activities – something you do to relax and have some fun after all those hectic days.
It’s more than obvious that men and women look at things differently, but nobody should be judged for what they do in their spare time.
If a man you’re dating expects you to understand him being a gamer, he should understand your urge to go shopping, on a girl’s night out, mountain climbing, or whatever your favorite pastime is.
Remind him that you don’t get his urge to play games, but you respect it. In the same way, he should respect your interests, too, and let you enjoy your life on your own terms.
5. When a woman works long hours she’s scorned for being a careerist, and when a man does the same he’s hardworking and praiseworthy.
There’s nothing wrong with working hard and being ambitious. In a healthy relationship, partners will support and back each other up.
They’ll celebrate each other’s victories and never feel intimidated by the other’s success.
That is, providing that you’re never too busy to sustain a relationship and find time for each other, because what’s the point of being in a relationship if you never see your partner?
No entanto, se a relação não for saudável e se encontrar com alguém tóxicoA duplicidade de critérios será bastante evidente.
Your partner won’t be the wind beneath your wings that helps you fly. He’ll be the one pinning you to the ground.
Ele fá-lo-á sentir que não é suficientemente competente ou bom para ter sucesso.
That’s exactly the thing you shouldn’t tolerate. Be with someone who always pushes you to do more and be more because he sees all the potential and all the greatness within you.
Be with someone who doesn’t see your success as his failure.
Defender-se a si própria e o seu direito a trabalhar tanto como os homens e a ser igualmente respeitada abre caminho para que as jovens mulheres do mundo encontrem o seu caminho e não tenham de suportar a porcaria que você e o resto de nós fazem.
6. When a man spends his entire day doing nothing wearing his boxers shorts, it’s cute. When a woman does the same wearing her PJs, she’s lazy, sloppy, and entirely neglecting herself and her man.
Isto também é algo que deve ser deixado no passado. Nos dias de hoje, homens e mulheres devem ser iguais em tudo, incluindo nas tarefas quotidianas.
Coisas como cozinhar e limpar devem envolver ambos os parceiros.
O mesmo deve ser feito com os dias de descanso e ambos os parceiros têm o mesmo direito a eles.
Ninguém está acima de ninguém e o tempo em que as mulheres atendiam a todas as necessidades de um homem já lá vai. Azar, malta!
Duas pessoas numa relação são parceiros e ambos têm de investir na sua relação e fazer o esforço necessário.
So, take turns in doing everything, be both hardworking and lazy together. If he doesn’t agree with that, teach him how to take care of himself by leaving him all on his own
Quando um homem é deixado à sua sorte, tendo de cozinhar, limpar e tratar das tarefas quotidianas sozinho, só então se apercebe do esforço que as mulheres dedicam a tudo o que fazem.
Damn straight we deserve to have our lazy days where we don’t have to dress up for anyone, impress anyone’s friends, and act in a way that pleases those around.
Merecemos os nossos dias de folga mais do que os homens, devido à quantidade de esforço que colocamos em tudo para sermos tratadas com metade do respeito.
7. Quando ele passa uma noite na cidade com rapazes, você deve mostrar compreensão, mas quando você sai com raparigas, ele mostra ciúmes, raiva e frustração.
Talk about double standards in relationships. He’s looking for understanding every time he’s out with his male friends.
On the other hand, he is unable to understand your need to do the same with your female friends. It’s hypocritical, to say the least.
If he expects you to trust him when he’s out sair com amigos, clubbing, and partying with all those other women around him, he should trust you with regard to men, too.
It’s not okay to have different sets of standards for you and for him. Once again, let me stress the importance of the word equality in a relationship.
If he gets to go out and let loose, so do you. If he gets to party until the wee hours of the night, so do you! No apologies. No pressure to be ”better” and no nothing.
Apenas dois parceiros que desfrutam da sua vida de uma forma igual e justa. Ao primeiro vislumbre de que ele sugere o contrário, tem de lhe mostrar a porta e nunca olhar para trás.
8. When it’s okay for a guy to have a wandering eye, but not for a woman to have one too.
Quando passa uma mulher atraente e sensual, nove em cada dez homens examinam-na de alto a baixo, e não vêem qualquer problema nisso.
They’ll even follow up that long stare with random comments about how her butt looks nice or how beautiful she is.
On the other hand, if an attractive man passes by and you give him nothing more than a gaze, most men won’t even think twice about calling you out on it.
They’ll be unable to understand why you have the necessity to check out some random guy.
Hello? He’s done the same exact thing just the other day to a woman he barely knows in your presence. Don’t tolerate his double standards.
Explique-lhe que ele fez o mesmo e que vocês ultrapassaram isso e que, se ele conseguir controlar os seus olhos errantes, você também conseguirá.
The other solution might be accepting that checking somebody out doesn’t have any connection with your relationship or mutual feelings.
Reparar nos outros é uma coisa natural.
Chasing after somebody else while in a relationship is completely different, more serious, and unforgivable, and it shouldn’t be confused with something as simple as a olhar errante.
9. When he stays in contact with his ex, that’s okay, but when you do the same, it’s a lack of loyalty.
Trazer o seu ex para a sua nova relação é uma coisa complicada. Poucas pessoas conseguem lidar com isso e causa confusão desde o início.
However, some people are able to stay in good relationships with their exes, but that relationship should never be more important than the one you’re in now.
Your new partner shouldn’t feel like they come last and your ex first. There’s a reason they’re an ex.
But if your partner’s using double standards here, he’ll excuse his contact with his ex but harshly judge yours.
He’ll blame you, and you’re probably going to have a lot of fights that include the ex-factor.
Don’t let him get away with it. What goes for you, goes for him too.
Talk openly. Don’t let your exes dictate your current relationship. You both should put your current relationship first.
Considerações finais
Now that you’ve red this article ask yourself a few questions: Está a tolerar a dualidade de critérios na sua relação?
Have you had enough of being treated differently simply because you’re a woman?
If so, it’s time to recognize that, speak up, and start making a change.
It’s time to stop putting up with that guy friend who’ll ”jokingly” say something that is totally sexist, long-term relationships where every single guy thinks he has the right to give input on your clothing choices and pressure you to be a stay-at-home woman.
It’s a very bad thing when your man makes you feel like the less capable partner and imposes those toxic double standards on you.
As relações românticas têm a ver com o facto de nos esforçarmos mutuamente para sermos a melhor versão de nós próprios e de nos elevarmos um ao outro.
Who made him the boss of you in the first place? Am I right? You’re the one who needs to show him what goes and what won’t fly.
Mostre-lhe um novo "tu" se sentir que o seu comportamento está a aproximar-se de um relação abusiva.
For instance narcissist thinks he can control his intimate relationships and make the first move every time, but it’s time they’re all shown that women have just as much power as men.
Quando as mulheres se aperceberem das suas capacidades, nenhum homem será capaz de igualar a sua determinação.
If there’s one main takeaway from all of this, it’s to never let a man tell you how you should live your life.
You’re just as worthy, just as hard-working, and you put in double the effort for half the respect.
Times have not been kind to women and if there was ever a time when our voices should be heard, it’s now.
Tudo começa com uma mulher e uma ação. Assim que mostrar ao seu homem como ele a deve tratar, as suas amigas e irmãs mais próximas vão ver isso e talvez façam o mesmo.
And bit by bit, it’s going to become too loud and too obvious to ignore. No more BS, no more relações tóxicase não nos pisem mais.
We’re badass and we’re strong, and we’re here to get what’s ours. Who can stop us once we’re united in our determination?
That’s right – nobody.
Por isso, comece por fazer uma mudança na sua relação e, a partir daí, mantenha-a em todas as esferas da vida.
It’s a small step for you, but a huge one for women overall. Fight your fight and never forget that without women, there would be nothing.
