Se o teu homem faz estas 10 coisas, ele é viciado em sexo

I won’t be the one who will tell you that it is wrong to stay with a viciado em sexo and try to solve the problems. I also won’t try to open your eyes and show you what you are missing while he is leading you on. I won’t because you already know that—just like I knew it while I was living with a man like that.

I just want to tell you my story so you could see that you are not alone and that no matter how you feel now, things can get better. They have to—if you care, of course.

Eu era casada com um viciado em sexo e todos os dias da minha vida com ele, sentia que não era suficiente. Não importava quantas coisas eu fizesse para o agradar, nunca era suficiente. Ele estava constantemente a tentar encontrar outra forma de se divertir.

O computador dele estava cheio de pornografia hardcore, sites de encontros e um monte de mensagens porcas que ele trocava com mulheres que tinham o mesmo apetite sexual que ele. E o pior é que eu sabia de tudo isso, mas achava que era só uma fase e que ele ia mudar.

Pensei que ele iria mudar por minha causa e por causa dos nossos filhos.

Mas ele nunca fez isso. Alimentava-se de pornografia, namoriscava com mulheres mesmo à minha frente e masturbava-se sempre que tinha tempo. Todas estas coisas alimentavam-no com dopamina e ele sentia-se melhor por causa disso. Talvez fosse essa a sua forma de se livrar do stress e de ultrapassar o facto de ter uma baixa autoestima.

But he couldn’t even make an effort for us.

He did all that just to please himself and he didn’t think of me at any moment. For him, I was just a body he could have when he would get horny. I was there to satisfy his sick needs so he would feel powerful again. And no matter how much I tried, I never could leave him.

No início, fiquei porque pensei que não era assim tão grave e que ele iria mudar, mas ele recusou-se a fazer isso. Dizia que precisava tanto de sexo como de ar nos pulmões. E sempre que dizia isso, ele partir-me o coração because I wasn’t the woman who could satisfy all his needs.

He didn’t care if he was hurting me and breaking my heart.

He wanted me to do things that I don’t want to talk about, but all of them were extremely hurtful to me. Once, I told him that I don’t want to do that.

Disse-me que se eu não lhe der o que ele precisa, ele vai encontrá-lo noutro sítio. Sentia-me um lixo, como se não fosse suficientemente boa e como se não fosse digna.

Depois percebi que o objetivo do amor não é sentirmo-nos uma porcaria.

When you are in love, you will do everything to make your partner feel good. You won’t hurt her and ask her to act like a slut just to satisfy your sick needs.

When you are in love you don’t fuck hard, but you make love. Because making love is full of feelings that make you feel special and getting fucked can’t provide you with that.

Como vê, pode ter relações sexuais com qualquer pessoa, mas só se pode fazer amor com a pessoa amada. E há uma grande diferença.

Too bad that love wasn’t the main priority for my ex.

He just wanted to get laid to feel better. He didn’t choose—he would hit on other girls in front of me while I was sitting in front of him looking at him and asking why he was doing all that to me. And every time I wanted my voice to be heard, he would manipulate me by saying that it was all in my head and that he loves me.

E, mais uma vez, eu caía na sua rede de mentiras, pensando que estava a exagerar.

So I would keep living my shitty life with a shitty husband who didn’t know how to keep his dick inside his pants. He was a serious sex addict, but he never wanted to admit that. And all my conversations with him about getting help were in vain because he couldn’t and didn’t want to get rid of the most important thing in his life.

Todos os sinais da sua infidelidade estavam a gritar à minha volta, mas, de alguma forma, recusei-me a vê-los. Talvez eles a possam ajudar a fugir a tempo e a evitar o sofrimento por que passei.

1. Ele estava a esconder o telemóvel

Sempre que eu queria pegar no telemóvel dele para ver as horas ou algo do género, ele saltava do outro lado da casa para me dizer a resposta sozinho. Era muito sensível ao facto de eu tocar nas suas coisas pessoais.

2. Nunca teve sessão iniciada em nenhuma das suas contas

Tínhamos um PC partilhado. Todas as minhas contas eram gratuitas, mas ele desligava sempre as suas contas, mesmo que fosse apenas à casa de banho. Só consigo imaginar o tipo de coisas nojentas que ele tinha lá.

3. He couldn’t explain the lack of money

We were spending more money than usual, but we didn’t have all the things that we needed. And every time I would ask him about money, he would say that we spent it but that we forget where and I shouldn’t make a fuss about that.

4. Ele estava sempre a masturbar-se

O pior foi ter sexo com ele e pensar que dei 100% de mim para o agradar e, ao mesmo tempo que tinha o sorriso abençoado na cara, tentar acariciar com ele, ele já começava a bater uma na cama ao meu lado.

5. Ele estava sempre a mentir

Whenever he would say that he was somewhere, I knew that he was lying to me and that he was probably with another woman in bed. He would come home smelling like booze and cheap women’s perfume, and drunk and smelly like that, he would want to have sex with me.

6. Ele sempre quis ser o dominador na cama

I must admit that he was a really good-looking man, but that wasn’t enough. He always had to be the dominant one in bed because that was turning him on. His sex craziness and even higher sex drive transformed him into a sex addict and he couldn’t even do anything to prevent that.

7. Ele estava a namoriscar com toda a gente

I couldn’t go to anywhere with him and feel good in my own skin. He would ruin every night out, every date and every friends’ gathering. He was hitting on my best friend while I wasn’t there and basically on every woman who was close to him.

8. Ele era manipulador

The worst thing he did to me was that he tried to convince me that I am just overreacting and that it is all in my head. But I wasn’t crazy. I knew what I saw. I knew him better than any person in his life and I could see when he was lying.

9. Ele fez-me sentir desconfortável na cama

Whenever I was in bed with him, it was like I was in a competition. I didn’t get to enjoy myself, but he made me feel like I had to go the extra mile to make him feel good.

Every time we would finish, I would feel like a piece of shit because of his ugly comments—telling me that I should do some things better kept echoing in my head and because of that I lost my self-esteem.

10. Ele estava sempre a tratar-me com desconfiança

He was the one who cheated, the one who couldn’t get rid of his addiction, but he blamed me for everything. Just because he was in his ‘sex world’, he thought that I was cheating on him and that I have many men in my life besides him.

And whatever I would say, he wouldn’t change his mind and kept torturing me by telling me that I was just a slut and that I am not a good example for our kids. He wanted to put all the blame on me and no matter what I would say, I was never right to him.

Estas são apenas algumas das coisas que o meu ex me fez e o resto é algo que estou a tentar esquecer. O seu mau comportamento para comigo deixou-me com uma baixa autoestima, perguntando-me se sou suficientemente boa e se alguma vez conseguirei atrair um homem que me ame e respeite verdadeiramente.

Even though we are not together anymore, he still has an impact on me. Every time I meet a new man, I am trying to find red flags that he might be sex addict as well. And that’s why every new relationship ends sooner than it actually begins.

At times, I think that I should have done something to get away from him before. Yet, that is the easiest thing is to say. In reality, it takes a lot of courage to do—to leave him, especially if you are financially dependent on him.

On the other hand, I didn’t want my kids to go through all that mockery of their dad being represented in that way. I just know that I put up with his crap for a long time, but I finally decided to break free from him and stop living in a hell he made just for me.

Now, after so many years, I have been able to regain my self-esteem and to be the old me again. Now, I can see that the problem was with him and that I didn’t want to see that. In fact, I was defending him for some reason. Maybe it was easier for me to neglect all my problems than to confront them. But I did and that was the best decision of my life.

Agora sou uma mulher feliz e ele é o o mesmo pedaço de merda. Há coisas que nunca mudam!