Sente-se mal amado? Aqui estão as possíveis razões e como mudar isso

Feeling unloved and unappreciated? The first thing you need to know is that you’re definitely not alone. And secondly, there is an array of possible reasons behind it.

Ser amado tem tanto a ver com dar amor como com recebê-lo. E quando sentimos que os nossos familiares e entes queridos nos abandonaram, há certas coisas que temos de compreender primeiro.

O amor incondicional é um sentimento que precisa de ser expresso, sentido e recebido abertamente. Muitas vezes, as pessoas não conseguem ver o amor que as rodeia devido à sua visão limitada do que é o amor.

You cannot put your self-worth and self-esteem in someone else’s hands. Those should never be based on how much love you think you’re being given.

O amor manifesta-se em todas as pequenas coisas que as pessoas muitas vezes tomam por garantidas. Uma mensagem atenciosa de boa noite. Um abraço longo e genuíno. Um gesto amável durante um momento difícil. E a lista continua!

So if you’re going through a hard time in your marriage (or any other relationship), let’s first examine porquê continua a bater em paredes de tijolo antes de aprender como para o alterar.

Ver também: 12 razões pelas quais um encontro num café é, na verdade, a melhor ideia para um primeiro encontro

De onde vem este sentimento de perda?

Para se ajudar a melhorar, em primeiro lugar, tem de compreender de onde vem este sentimento avassalador. Faça a si próprio estas perguntas e as coisas começarão a tornar-se muito mais claras.

1. Este sentimento é dirigido a uma pessoa específica?

This is really important to figure out. Do you feel unloved because a particular person doesn’t love you (or so you think)? Is it a boyfriend/girlfriend or a family member perhaps?

It makes all the difference whether you feel unloved by one individual or if it’s a general feeling. Think long and hard to where it all started.

2. Ou sente-o num sentido mais geral?

Perhaps you feel like nobody supports or cherishes you anymore. You’ve lost all hope that anyone will ever understand you and whomever you turn to, you feel unheard and totally unseen?

This is a much more delicate question that probably stems from a more serious situation. If you want to feel better about yourself, you’re going to have to dig deep.

3. Sente que todos na sua vida o puseram em pausa?

Está a ser ignorado pelos seus entes queridos? Está a aprender da maneira mais difícil quem são os seus verdadeiros amigos? Sente-se atormentado por dúvidas em relação a si próprio devido a este sentimento constante de medo?

A way to self-improvement is by facing every single brick wall you’ve stumbled into and being brave in stating how you feel.

With a “me first” attitude, you will see who doesn’t deserve you and who will still make an effort despite your current struggles.

Ver também: 10 Sinais honestos de que você é casado, mas está apaixonado por outra pessoa

4. Maybe you’re feeling completely misunderstood?

Right now, there isn’t a single person who genuinely understands what you’re going through. And because of this, you’re wondering if trying is even worth it.

Mas deixem-me dizer-vos uma coisa. Se queres que as pessoas te compreendam, tens de falar.

Muitas vezes, isto pode ser o resultado direto de um pequeno mal-entendido que se transforma em algo muito maior, porque ninguém está disposto a tentar em primeiro lugar.

5. Deixaste-te dominar pelas tuas inseguranças?

Acontece-nos a todos. Convencemo-nos de que não somos dignos de amor, o que leva a sentimentos de isolamento e alienação. Talvez isto seja completamente auto-infligido?

Consider how much self-love you let in and you’ll understand how intertwined it all is.

You subconsciously chase people away when you feel like you don’t deserve their love. This is something you can easily work out without professional help.

6. And finally – do you feel completely and utterly unlovable?

There are people who don’t share the deep pain they’re feeling because of fear it will make them seem even more complex. If you’re one of those individuals who feel 100% unlovable, you’re not alone.

Há tantas pessoas que sentem o mesmo que tu e, na maior parte das vezes, limitam-se a seguir o sentimento, sem sequer tentarem chegar ao fundo da questão.

But there is always a solution, no matter how deep your pit seems. Don’t think you’re a lost cause just because you’ve decided that you are.

Here’s where you stand:

If you’ve found yourself in questions 1, 3, or 5, the issue is self-inflicted. And if the questions 2, 4, and 6 have resonated with you, your best bet is to turn to a close loved one.

Talvez o seu parceiro, irmão ou melhor amigo?

If you’re experiencing this feeling of loss because the love you’re receiving doesn’t coincide with your presumptions about what love should be, it’s something you definitely need to work on.

This is not personal; it’s an inner issue that you need to work out yourself. Expand your horizons when it comes to love and start seeing all the little ways it surrounds you without you recognizing it.

Often it happens that we don’t see love when it’s staring us right in the face. Don’t let your negativity or grand expectations ruin you for love.

Sentir-se mal-amado por ter deixado de ver este mundo como um lugar de esperança é um problema mais sério. As pessoas que se sentem indignas e não amáveis debatem-se normalmente com questões mais profundas que reprimem.

Leading a hopeless life and never allowing yourself to feel what you most certainly can feel will have serious consequences on your later life. There is hope for everyone – including you.

Ver também: 9 Sinais de que está numa relação de Power Couple

Let’s Examine All The Little Ways In Which People Show Love

There’s a chance that this is all just in your head. People express love in ways that aren’t as obvious, but they’re just as deep and genuine.

Aqui estão todas as maneiras pelas quais o seu parceiro ou qualquer outra pessoa amada mostra que se importa, que você pode ter esquecido.

1. It’s always the little things…

I know you’ve probably heard this a million times and are slowly getting tired of it. But do you know what? It’s the absolute truth.

As pequenas coisas são sempre as que mais quebram a cara quando se trata de relações íntimas. Sei isso de facto, pois foram elas que acabaram por ser mais úteis para descobrir quem realmente me apoia.

Dar-te metade da sua sandes numa longa viagem de carro sem supermercado à vista é amor.

Picking up your dry cleaning that you can’t as your day is extremely long – that’s love. Letting you choose a rom-com for the tenth night in a row is love.

Open your eyes and start seeing the love you’re surrounded with. Remember – love is about actions, not words!

2. Quando arranjam tempo para si, mesmo sabendo como os seus dias são agitados

As pessoas estão ocupadas a fazer malabarismos com as suas vidas pessoais, carreiras, famílias, amigos e passatempos, e é quase impossível encontrar uma hora para si próprio.

And yet, when someone manages to make time to be there for you, you don’t truly appreciate it.

Do you know how easy it is to just say no as they’re super busy?

But they don’t. They move things around and they give you the time of day. Recognize these gems of humans and value them!

Saberá quem o apoia quando começar a perceber que há pessoas que estarão sempre demasiado ocupadas, mas há outras cujo tempo está sempre à sua disposição.

Don’t take that for granted. Don’t think for a second you’re unloved. That’s pure love.

Quem se preocupa arranja sempre tempo. Reconheça-o, aprecie-o e nunca mais o negligencie.

3. When they listen in order to understand where you’re coming from

People will pretend to listen, but do they really? Heck, anybody can say ”You’ve got my full attention, fire away!” then scroll through their social media feed and browse around. That’s not listening.

Listening is giving you their full attention and making an actual effort to comprehend your stance. Listening is having a conversation in order to improve what’s getting lost in translation.

It’s hard to explain yourself sometimes. But if there is somebody out there who keeps making efforts to hear you and acknowledge you, you are loved.

They don’t have to say ”I love you” in order for it to be true. If they are simply present, that’s what counts!

Ver também: Como criar confiança numa relação? Estratégias simples mas eficazes

4. When they don’t minimize your issues

There will be people who are always going to have it worse than you. If you’re sick and poorly, they’ll be much worse.

If you’re having a hard time at work, theirs will be even worse. If your family is a bit distant, theirs will have renounced them.

You get the gist. And with those people, you’ll never win. Not that there’s any winning when dealing with problems.

If you have people in your life who don’t make you feel crazy for dealing with issues, you are loved. If there are people who take your mental illness (if you’re struggling with one) seriously, you are loved.

If you’ve got people who’ll offer their help without cheesy lines or half-assed efforts, you are very much loved.

As pessoas que querem genuinamente ajudá-lo, que se preocupam com os seus problemas e que aparecem constantemente para si são jóias.

Pense nisto antes de se diagnosticar como não amável.

5. Quando largam tudo por ti

If you have someone who’ll drop whatever they’re doing (cooking lunch, playing video games, relaxing after a long day) the minute you call them up, that is priceless.

People don’t really appreciate somebody’s time and effort until they’re gone. Don’t let yourself lose a great human being by not seeing everything they do for you.

I was involved with a toxic narcissist a few years back, who wouldn’t take out the trash or wash the dishes if my life depended on it.

If I called him in an emergency, there was always an excuse as to why he can’t be there.

It was dreadful and naturally, I had to break up with him. And ever since, I’ve learned to appreciate everyone who gives me their time selflessly.

Por vezes, aprendemos estas coisas da maneira mais difícil, mas nunca fechemos os olhos às pessoas genuínas. Elas são demasiado raras!

People show love in subtle ways we don’t always see.

Sentir-se mal-amado está, por vezes, mais ligado à forma como se vê a si próprio do que à forma como os outros o tratam.

There are genuine, yet subtle ways that love comes your way. Don’t let yourself get too sidetracked and risk losing it.

People have their own lives and responsibilities. It’s not always easy making yourself available at every hour of the day.

Mas aqueles que fazem sempre um esforço para estender a mão e oferecer a sua ajuda valem a pena a longo prazo.

It’s not your fault when people disappoint you. That’s on them! But don’t let one or two negative experiences make you believe that you’re unloved – or worse off, unlovable.

Uma boa relação (seja com o seu parceiro, amigo ou irmão) tem a ver com tentar e fazer um esforço, mesmo quando os tempos são difíceis.

Don’t be the first one to give up on yourself if there are people who still care.

Think about it. If in this world filled with bad people and bad things happening every day, you still have someone who shows up, don’t you owe it to yourself to appreciate and hold onto them?

Ver também: Ultrapassar o desgosto: 16 dicas para ajudar a curar o seu coração

Como é que pode começar a sentir-se melhor consigo próprio?

It’s okay if you’re still feeling a bit lost and perplexed. This is a lot of information to take on, so take your time.

I’m certain you’ve been able to see that there é alguém lá fora que se preocupa genuinamente. E isso irá melhorar exponencialmente as coisas.

1. Aprender a apreciar os pequenos gestos de bondade das pessoas

Encontre o amor, a felicidade e as pequenas coisas que o rodeiam todos os dias.

Um simples sorriso de um desconhecido na rua pode ser muito útil. Um elogio genuíno ao seu trabalho/esforço dá-lhe um motivo para se sentir orgulhoso.

Look around you. There will ALWAYS be something to be negative about, and I get that. But in the midst of all the negativity, it’s more important than ever to uncover the little positive things.

I promise you, once you start really looking at those around you and hearing them, you’ll see that you’re much more loved than you think.

People do small acts of kindness all the time – you just have to want to see them.

2. Comece a definir as suas prioridades

Putting yourself first is a necessity. It isn’t selfish, it’s something you need to do if you ever expect to be loved properly.

Pare de fazer coisas para os outros e comece a fazer coisas para si. Pare de tentar agradar a todos à sua volta e comece a pensar no que o faz feliz.

Don’t tend to others’ needs and forget about yourself in the process. You are SO important, and your mental health is too!

Feeling unloved sucks, but not loving yourself is even worse! Maybe if you showed yourself some self-love, you’d finally start allowing yourself to feel the love from others too.

3. Don’t take it personally when people disappoint you

Oftentimes, people struggle internally, which translates onto their behavior toward others. Yeah, people will let you down. That’s just a reality that everyone goes through.

But what matters is not to take it personally. It’s on them, not you. Pick yourself up, and move forward. Shitty people are everywhere, and the only way around is by forgetting you ever knew them.

It will hurt and definitely make you feel a little sad. But in a few weeks, you’ll be as good as new, finally realizing how much better off you are without them.

And they’ll still be the same toxic person, disappointing others left and right.

A sua autoestima depende do quanto aprecia o seu próprio eu, e não do amor que recebe das pessoas erradas.

4. Stop looking for love in places you’ll never receive it

We’ve all done it. We’ve all looked for love in the wrong places, in hopes of finding our happily-ever-after. And most of the time, quite unsuccessfully.

And the solution? Stop going for love where you’ve been burned already!

I know it’s hard, but look for love in new places that haven’t already disappointed you. Turn over a new leaf and start giving people chances to surprise you.

You’ll never find your happy place where you’ve already been disappointed. Check that off your list and move in a new direction.

Sure, it’s daunting, but happiness is often found in the most unexpected places!

5. Dar amor de forma desinteressada e sem expectativas

Love is selfless. It’s not something you give in order to feel better about yourself. Learn to give love without expecting anything in return.

Do some good without needing anyone’s validation and praise. This will help you feel much better about yourself internally and you’ll start to see the real beauty of love.

Give and you shall receive! Show love and you’ll be loved back! The right people will always find you. If they haven’t, they don’t belong in your life.

In my own experience, I feel much better when I’m able to provide someone with a glimmer of hope or affection when I know they need it the most. That’s what feeds my soul.

Tente retribuir sem esperar nada em troca. O sentimento não tem preço e, sinceramente, põe tudo em perspetiva.

As pessoas bondosas gravitam em torno de pessoas bondosas. Sê uma boa pessoa e a bondade encontrar-te-á de volta.

Ver também: Choose Kindness – You Never Know What Someone Is Going Through

Conclusões

Feeling unloved is an internal feeling that should never be played down. But at the same time, it’s necessary to look at it from other perspectives in order to find a way out.

It’s okay to feel down. It’s okay to have your off days. But never think that there’s something wrong with you if somebody can’t treat you right.

Espero que as minhas orientações o tenham ajudado a perceber qual é o verdadeiro problema e como resolvê-lo a longo prazo.

Love is everywhere around you. You can see it in a stranger’s smile, your partner’s unexpected warm hug, your sister’s kind gesture, or your mom’s unwavering support.

Weed out the wrong people, focus on those few genuine souls in your life, and shrug off those who can’t love you.

Torne-se a sua prioridade número um e veja como as coisas começam a mudar rapidamente! Quando aprenderes o poder do amor-próprio, nada será igual.