Feeling unloved and unappreciated? The first thing you need to know is that you’re definitely not alone. And secondly, there is an array of possible reasons behind it.
Being loved is just as much about giving love as it is about receiving it. And when you feel like your family members and loved ones have deserted you, there are certain things you must understand first.
Unconditional love is a feeling that needs to be expressed, felt, and openly received. Oftentimes, people cannot see the love around them because of their narrow view of what love actually is.
You cannot put your self-worth and self-esteem in someone else’s hands. Those should never be based on how much love you think you’re being given.
Love is manifested in all the little things people often take for granted. A thoughtful text goodnight. A long, genuine hug. A kind gesture during a difficult time. And the list goes on and on!
So if you’re going through a hard time in your marriage (or any other relationship), let’s first examine why you keep hitting brick walls before learning how to amend it.
See also: 12 Reasons Why A Coffee Date Is Actually The Best First Date Idea
Where Is This Feeling Of Loss Stemming From?
In order to help yourself get better, first, you must understand where this overwhelming feeling is coming from. Ask yourself these questions and things will start becoming much clearer.
1. Is this feeling directed at a specific person?
This is really important to figure out. Do you feel unloved because a particular person doesn’t love you (or so you think)? Is it a boyfriend/girlfriend or a family member perhaps?
It makes all the difference whether you feel unloved by one individual or if it’s a general feeling. Think long and hard to where it all started.
2. Or do you feel it in a more general sense?
Perhaps you feel like nobody supports or cherishes you anymore. You’ve lost all hope that anyone will ever understand you and whomever you turn to, you feel unheard and totally unseen?
This is a much more delicate question that probably stems from a more serious situation. If you want to feel better about yourself, you’re going to have to dig deep.
3. Do you feel like everyone in your life has put you on pause?
Are you being ignored by your loved ones? Are you learning the hard way who your real friends are? Are you plagued by self-doubt due to this constant feeling of dread?
A way to self-improvement is by facing every single brick wall you’ve stumbled into and being brave in stating how you feel.
With a “me first” attitude, you will see who doesn’t deserve you and who will still make an effort despite your current struggles.
See also: 10 Honest Signs You’re Married But In Love With Someone Else
4. Maybe you’re feeling completely misunderstood?
Right now, there isn’t a single person who genuinely understands what you’re going through. And because of this, you’re wondering if trying is even worth it.
But let me tell you something. If you want people to get you, you need to speak up.
Oftentimes, this can be a direct result of a minor misunderstanding that blows up into something much bigger, because nobody is willing to try in the first place.
5. Have you let your insecurities get the better of you?
It happens to all of us. We convince ourselves we are not worthy of love, which leads to feelings of isolation and alienation. Perhaps this is completely self-inflicted?
Consider how much self-love you let in and you’ll understand how intertwined it all is.
You subconsciously chase people away when you feel like you don’t deserve their love. This is something you can easily work out without professional help.
6. And finally – do you feel completely and utterly unlovable?
There are people who don’t share the deep pain they’re feeling because of fear it will make them seem even more complex. If you’re one of those individuals who feel 100% unlovable, you’re not alone.
There are so many who feel the same as you do, and most of the time, they just go along with the feeling, not even trying to get to the bottom of it.
But there is always a solution, no matter how deep your pit seems. Don’t think you’re a lost cause just because you’ve decided that you are.
Here’s where you stand:
If you’ve found yourself in questions 1, 3, or 5, the issue is self-inflicted. And if the questions 2, 4, and 6 have resonated with you, your best bet is to turn to a close loved one.
Maybe your partner, sibling, or best friend?
If you’re experiencing this feeling of loss because the love you’re receiving doesn’t coincide with your presumptions about what love should be, it’s something you definitely need to work on.
This is not personal; it’s an inner issue that you need to work out yourself. Expand your horizons when it comes to love and start seeing all the little ways it surrounds you without you recognizing it.
Often it happens that we don’t see love when it’s staring us right in the face. Don’t let your negativity or grand expectations ruin you for love.
Feeling unloved because you have stopped seeing this world as a hopeful place is a more serious issue. People who feel unworthy and unlovable usually struggle with the deeper issues that they suppress.
Leading a hopeless life and never allowing yourself to feel what you most certainly can feel will have serious consequences on your later life. There is hope for everyone – including you.
See also: 9 Signs You Are In A Power Couple Relationship
Let’s Examine All The Little Ways In Which People Show Love
There’s a chance that this is all just in your head. People express love in ways that aren’t as obvious, but they’re just as deep and genuine.
Here are all the ways your partner or any other loved one shows you they care, that you may have been overlooking.
1. It’s always the little things…
I know you’ve probably heard this a million times and are slowly getting tired of it. But do you know what? It’s the absolute truth.
The little things are always the biggest deal-breakers when it comes to intimate relationships. I know that for a fact as these are what ended up being most helpful in figuring out who really has my back.
Giving you half of their sandwich on a long road trip with no supermarket in sight is love.
Picking up your dry cleaning that you can’t as your day is extremely long – that’s love. Letting you choose a rom-com for the tenth night in a row is love.
Open your eyes and start seeing the love you’re surrounded with. Remember – love is about actions, not words!
2. When they find time for you, even though you know how hectic their days are
People are busy juggling personal lives, careers, families, friends, and hobbies, and it is almost impossible to find an hour to yourself.
And yet, when someone manages to make time to be there for you, you don’t truly appreciate it.
Do you know how easy it is to just say no as they’re super busy?
But they don’t. They move things around and they give you the time of day. Recognize these gems of humans and value them!
You will know who has your back when you start realizing that there are some people who will always be too busy, yet there are some whose time is always at your disposal.
Don’t take that for granted. Don’t think for a second you’re unloved. That’s pure love.
Those who care always make time. Recognize it, appreciate it, and never overlook it again.
3. When they listen in order to understand where you’re coming from
People will pretend to listen, but do they really? Heck, anybody can say ”You’ve got my full attention, fire away!” then scroll through their social media feed and browse around. That’s not listening.
Listening is giving you their full attention and making an actual effort to comprehend your stance. Listening is having a conversation in order to improve what’s getting lost in translation.
It’s hard to explain yourself sometimes. But if there is somebody out there who keeps making efforts to hear you and acknowledge you, you are loved.
They don’t have to say ”I love you” in order for it to be true. If they are simply present, that’s what counts!
See also: How To Build Trust In A Relationship? Simple But Effective Strategies
4. When they don’t minimize your issues
There will be people who are always going to have it worse than you. If you’re sick and poorly, they’ll be much worse.
If you’re having a hard time at work, theirs will be even worse. If your family is a bit distant, theirs will have renounced them.
You get the gist. And with those people, you’ll never win. Not that there’s any winning when dealing with problems.
If you have people in your life who don’t make you feel crazy for dealing with issues, you are loved. If there are people who take your mental illness (if you’re struggling with one) seriously, you are loved.
If you’ve got people who’ll offer their help without cheesy lines or half-assed efforts, you are very much loved.
People who genuinely want to help you, who care about your issues and constantly show up for you are gems.
Consider this before you diagnose yourself as unlovable.
5. When they drop everything for you
If you have someone who’ll drop whatever they’re doing (cooking lunch, playing video games, relaxing after a long day) the minute you call them up, that is priceless.
People don’t really appreciate somebody’s time and effort until they’re gone. Don’t let yourself lose a great human being by not seeing everything they do for you.
I was involved with a toxic narcissist a few years back, who wouldn’t take out the trash or wash the dishes if my life depended on it.
If I called him in an emergency, there was always an excuse as to why he can’t be there.
It was dreadful and naturally, I had to break up with him. And ever since, I’ve learned to appreciate everyone who gives me their time selflessly.
Sometimes, you learn these things the hard way, but never turn a blind eye to genuine people. They are far too rare!
People show love in subtle ways we don’t always see.
Feeling unloved is sometimes more connected to how you perceive yourself than how others treat you.
There are genuine, yet subtle ways that love comes your way. Don’t let yourself get too sidetracked and risk losing it.
People have their own lives and responsibilities. It’s not always easy making yourself available at every hour of the day.
But ones who always make an effort to reach out and offer their assistance are worth it in the long run.
It’s not your fault when people disappoint you. That’s on them! But don’t let one or two negative experiences make you believe that you’re unloved – or worse off, unlovable.
A good relationship (be it with your partner, friend, or sibling) is about trying and making an effort even when times get tough.
Don’t be the first one to give up on yourself if there are people who still care.
Think about it. If in this world filled with bad people and bad things happening every day, you still have someone who shows up, don’t you owe it to yourself to appreciate and hold onto them?
See also: Getting Over Heartbreak: 16 Tips To Help You Heal Your Heart
How Can You Start Feeling Better About Yourself?
It’s okay if you’re still feeling a bit lost and perplexed. This is a lot of information to take on, so take your time.
I’m certain you’ve been able to see that there is someone out there who genuinely cares. And this will improve things exponentially.
1. Learn to appreciate small, kind gestures from people
Find love and happiness and little things that surround you every day.
A simple smile from a stranger on the street can go a long way. A genuine compliment on your work/effort gives you a reason to feel proud.
Look around you. There will ALWAYS be something to be negative about, and I get that. But in the midst of all the negativity, it’s more important than ever to uncover the little positive things.
I promise you, once you start really looking at those around you and hearing them, you’ll see that you’re much more loved than you think.
People do small acts of kindness all the time – you just have to want to see them.
2. Start prioritizing yourself
Putting yourself first is a necessity. It isn’t selfish, it’s something you need to do if you ever expect to be loved properly.
Stop doing things for others and start doing things for yourself. Stop trying to please everyone around you and start thinking about what makes YOU happy.
Don’t tend to others’ needs and forget about yourself in the process. You are SO important, and your mental health is too!
Feeling unloved sucks, but not loving yourself is even worse! Maybe if you showed yourself some self-love, you’d finally start allowing yourself to feel the love from others too.
3. Don’t take it personally when people disappoint you
Oftentimes, people struggle internally, which translates onto their behavior toward others. Yeah, people will let you down. That’s just a reality that everyone goes through.
But what matters is not to take it personally. It’s on them, not you. Pick yourself up, and move forward. Shitty people are everywhere, and the only way around is by forgetting you ever knew them.
It will hurt and definitely make you feel a little sad. But in a few weeks, you’ll be as good as new, finally realizing how much better off you are without them.
And they’ll still be the same toxic person, disappointing others left and right.
Your self-worth is dependent on how much you appreciate your own damn self, not on how much love you receive from the wrong people.
4. Stop looking for love in places you’ll never receive it
We’ve all done it. We’ve all looked for love in the wrong places, in hopes of finding our happily-ever-after. And most of the time, quite unsuccessfully.
And the solution? Stop going for love where you’ve been burned already!
I know it’s hard, but look for love in new places that haven’t already disappointed you. Turn over a new leaf and start giving people chances to surprise you.
You’ll never find your happy place where you’ve already been disappointed. Check that off your list and move in a new direction.
Sure, it’s daunting, but happiness is often found in the most unexpected places!
5. Give love selflessly and without expectations
Love is selfless. It’s not something you give in order to feel better about yourself. Learn to give love without expecting anything in return.
Do some good without needing anyone’s validation and praise. This will help you feel much better about yourself internally and you’ll start to see the real beauty of love.
Give and you shall receive! Show love and you’ll be loved back! The right people will always find you. If they haven’t, they don’t belong in your life.
In my own experience, I feel much better when I’m able to provide someone with a glimmer of hope or affection when I know they need it the most. That’s what feeds my soul.
Try to give back without expecting anything in return. The feeling is priceless and honestly, it puts everything into perspective.
Kind people gravitate to kind people. Be a good person and good will find you back.
See also: Choose Kindness – You Never Know What Someone Is Going Through
Feeling unloved is an internal feeling that should never be played down. But at the same time, it’s necessary to look at it from other perspectives in order to find a way out.
It’s okay to feel down. It’s okay to have your off days. But never think that there’s something wrong with you if somebody can’t treat you right.
Hopefully, my guidelines have been able to help you see what the actual issue is and how to work it out in the long run.
Love is everywhere around you. You can see it in a stranger’s smile, your partner’s unexpected warm hug, your sister’s kind gesture, or your mom’s unwavering support.
Weed out the wrong people, focus on those few genuine souls in your life, and shrug off those who can’t love you.
Make yourself your number one priority, and see how quickly things will start changing! When you learn the power of self-love, nothing will ever be the same.