Será que o assustei? (6 maneiras de saber com certeza)
Tudo parecia estar a correr bem e, de repente, ele afastou-se. Porquê? O que é que correu mal de repente? Será que o assustei?
I remember asking this question while my friends would pat my back, pronouncing that famous line, “It’s him… not you… never you.”
Era fácil acreditar nelas, e talvez essas frases fossem verdadeiras para a maior parte dos meus desastres amorosos.
Let’s face it. If he is wrong for you and you’ve done absolutely nothing to scare him away, he will just as well run for the hills because he is not ready for a relationship.
That can’t be helped. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder. What if it was me? What if I am sabotaging my own chances for love?
I decided to get to the bottom of it, and it took a lot of time, self-research, dissecting, investigating other people’s love lives, and a few more personal love failures to figure it all out.
Há coisas que acabam com a sua relação antes mesmo de ela ter uma verdadeira hipótese de começar.
You might not even be aware of what you are doing wrong as I once wasn’t.
Estas são as coisas que pode estar a fazer:
Nega-lhe o direito de a conhecer nos seus próprios termos
Do you tell your life story to someone you’ve just started dating? Do you tell him about your flaws?
Diz que não está sempre alegre e que tem os seus dias maus?
If you do, please stop. He doesn’t want to know these things. He is just as flawed as you are and he didn’t have the urge to share that with you.
Está a matar o mistério e a beleza dos começos ao partilhar demasiado cedo.
Uma relação precisa de ser suficientemente estável para poderem falar sobre este tipo de coisas.
Dê um passo de cada vez. Passe algum tempo com ele; deixe-o conhecê-la gradualmente.
You don’t have to explain who you are. He will find that out for himself.
Esfregas a tua independência no nariz dele
Embora seja um mulher forte e independente is something to be admired, there is a way in which you can go to extremes with it. Most men like to feel needed – it’s in their DNA.
If you repeatedly say that you don’t need anybody, that you are fine on your own, they will believe you. They will feel like a spare.
Por isso, seja independente, mas deixe-o ajudá-la a mover o sofá e a carregar sacos de compras.
It doesn’t matter that you can do it yourself. Take it a step further by asking for his opinion or advice.
Find a balance. Let him know that you want him in your life, even if you don’t need him.
But don’t take it too far either. Dependence is even worse and it will without a doubt make him lose interest.
Quer avançar rapidamente com a sua relação
It’s only natural to daydream at the beginning of a relationship. But it’s also easy to get carried away and take things too far.
You start to connect your name with his surname, you name your children, and think about where would you live, while you’ve been on 5 dates so far.
Não é a única a passar por tudo isto. Muitas mulheres, incluindo eu, são culpadas disto, mesmo que tenham dificuldade em admiti-lo a si próprias.
Lower your pace and whatever you do, don’t talk to him about your plans of happily ever after together.
Men usually don’t think that far ahead; they take it one day at a time.
Tente seguir o exemplo dele. Evitará magoar-se por ter expectativas demasiado cedo e reduzirá o risco de o afugentar.
You want to “improve” him
It’s hard work trying to change things about yourself that you don’t like, let alone another person.
It’s mission impossible, useless, and it will only end your relationship. If he accepts you just the way you are, do the same for him.
Sure, we can change little things about ourselves to accommodate someone else, hear them out, see that we aren’t always right, and decide to make compromises, but our essence will always stay the same.
A person you are supposed to spend your forever with will be full of flaws just like you are, but the thing that will keep you together is that you will be able to handle each other’s flaws.
It’s also important to stress that if he is generally a bad person who treats you poorly and plays with your feelings, it’s time you end things, not fix things.
You don’t give him enough space
Nobody likes feeling suffocated or trapped – especially men. If you go overboard with texting or your desires to see him every waking hour, he will start to think that you have no life and that you are obsessed with him.
I believe that’s not the message you want to send. Don’t neglect your friends, interests, or life just because you’ve met somebody new and interesting.
Don’t send him a follow-up text, don’t force the conversation, avoid being too needy, and you will do just fine.
Let him be a man – let him go after you – and meet each other halfway. That goes for texting, planning dates, and making effort in general.
Não conhece a armadilha da profecia auto-realizável
When you think that everything will go south, that it won’t work no matter what you do, the odds are it will happen exactly that way and you are setting your relationship up for failure.
Para evitar que a profecia auto-realizável se torne realidade, deixe de ser tão negativo em relação a tudo. Lembre-se da lei da atração e envie apenas boas vibrações.
Your past might make you lose trust in love and doubt the fact that there are still good men out there, but the past is the past for a reason. Don’t allow it to interfere in your future.
Things are going to work once you are with your forever person – there is no doubt about it – and you will realize that you can love harder, dream bigger, and laugh louder than you ever have before.
If you don’t find yourself doing any of these things, you are lucky. Trust your friends when they say “It’s not you… it’s him.”
Because they are right. There are some outside factors that you can’t influence.
Para ser completamente honesto, poderia encontrar o meu antigo eu em metade das coisas que enumerei acima.
Once I figured out what I was doing wrong, I could fix it. I think it’s always better to know the truth than to bury your head in the sand, no matter how much it pained me to admit that I was wrong.
Por exemplo, quando comecei a viver no presente e a desfrutar do momento, e deixei de avançar rapidamente para o futuro, a minha vida amorosa melhorou.
Estou certo de que o seu também o fará.
