L'ho spaventato? (6 modi per saperlo con certezza)

Sembrava che tutto andasse alla grande e lui si è allontanato all'improvviso. Perché? Cosa è andato storto all'improvviso? L'ho spaventato?

I remember asking this question while my friends would pat my back, pronouncing that famous line, “It’s him… not you… never you.”

Era facile crederci, e forse quelle righe erano vere per la maggior parte dei miei naufragi amorosi.

Let’s face it. If he is wrong for you and you’ve done absolutely nothing to scare him away, he will just as well run for the hills because he is not ready for a relationship.

That can’t be helped. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder. What if it was me? What if I am sabotaging my own chances for love?  

I decided to get to the bottom of it, and it took a lot of time, self-research, dissecting, investigating other people’s love lives, and a few more personal love failures to figure it all out.

Ci sono cose che fanno finire la vostra relazione prima ancora che abbia una reale possibilità di iniziare.

You might not even be aware of what you are doing wrong as I once wasn’t.

Queste sono le cose che potreste fare:

Gli negate il diritto di incontrarvi alle sue condizioni.

 

Do you tell your life story to someone you’ve just started dating? Do you tell him about your flaws?

Dite che non siete sempre allegri e che avete le vostre giornate no?

If you do, please stop. He doesn’t want to know these things. He is just as flawed as you are and he didn’t have the urge to share that with you.

State uccidendo il mistero e la bellezza degli inizi condividendoli troppo presto.

Una relazione deve essere abbastanza stabile da poter parlare di queste cose.

Fate un passo alla volta. Trascorrete del tempo con lui; permettetegli di conoscervi gradualmente.

You don’t have to explain who you are. He will find that out for himself.

Gli strofini la tua indipendenza sul naso

Pur essendo un donna forte e indipendente is something to be admired, there is a way in which you can go to extremes with it. Most men like to feel needed – it’s in their DNA.

If you repeatedly say that you don’t need anybody, that you are fine on your own, they will believe you. They will feel like a spare.

Siate indipendenti, ma lasciate che vi aiuti a spostare il divano e a portare le buste della spesa.

It doesn’t matter that you can do it yourself. Take it a step further by asking for his opinion or advice.

Find a balance. Let him know that you want him in your life, even if you don’t need him.

But don’t take it too far either. Dependence is even worse and it will without a doubt make him lose interest.

Volete accelerare la vostra relazione

It’s only natural to daydream at the beginning of a relationship. But it’s also easy to get carried away and take things too far.

You start to connect your name with his surname, you name your children, and think about where would you live, while you’ve been on 5 dates so far.

Non siete sole in tutto questo. Molte donne, compresa me, sono colpevoli di questo, anche se fanno fatica ad ammetterlo a se stesse.

Lower your pace and whatever you do, don’t talk to him about your plans of happily ever after together.

Men usually don’t think that far ahead; they take it one day at a time.

Cercate di seguire il suo esempio. Eviterete di farvi male perché vi siete illusi troppo presto e ridurrete il rischio di spaventarlo.

You want to “improve” him

It’s hard work trying to change things about yourself that you don’t like, let alone another person.

It’s mission impossible, useless, and it will only end your relationship. If he accepts you just the way you are, do the same for him.

Sure, we can change little things about ourselves to accommodate someone else, hear them out, see that we aren’t always right, and decide to make compromises, but our essence will always stay the same.

A person you are supposed to spend your forever with will be full of flaws just like you are, but the thing that will keep you together is that you will be able to handle each other’s flaws.

It’s also important to stress that if he is generally a bad person who treats you poorly and plays with your feelings, it’s time you end things, not fix things.

You don’t give him enough space

 

Nobody likes feeling suffocated or trapped – especially men. If you go overboard with texting or your desires to see him every waking hour, he will start to think that you have no life and that you are obsessed with him.

I believe that’s not the message you want to send. Don’t neglect your friends, interests, or life just because you’ve met somebody new and interesting.

Don’t send him a follow-up text, don’t force the conversation, avoid being too needy, and you will do just fine.

Let him be a man – let him go after you – and meet each other halfway. That goes for texting, planning dates, and making effort in general.

Non siete consapevoli della trappola della profezia che si autoavvera.

When you think that everything will go south, that it won’t work no matter what you do, the odds are it will happen exactly that way and you are setting your relationship up for failure.

Per evitare che la profezia che si autoavvera si avveri, smettete di essere così negativi su tutto. Ricordate la legge di attrazione e inviate solo buone vibrazioni.  

Your past might make you lose trust in love and doubt the fact that there are still good men out there, but the past is the past for a reason. Don’t allow it to interfere in your future.

Things are going to work once you are with your forever person – there is no doubt about it – and you will realize that you can love harder, dream bigger, and laugh louder than you ever have before.

If you don’t find yourself doing any of these things, you are lucky. Trust your friends when they say “It’s not you… it’s him.”

Because they are right. There are some outside factors that you can’t influence.

In tutta onestà, potrei ritrovare il mio vecchio io nella metà delle cose che ho elencato sopra.

Once I figured out what I was doing wrong, I could fix it. I think it’s always better to know the truth than to bury your head in the sand, no matter how much it pained me to admit that I was wrong.

Per esempio, una volta che ho iniziato a vivere nel presente e a godermi il momento, smettendo di guardare al futuro, la mia vita sentimentale è migliorata.  

Sono sicuro che anche la vostra lo farà.