Ultrapassar o desconhecido para tornar a sua relação duradoura

Talvez a coisa mais temida quando se entra numa nova relação seja a inevitabilidade de incerteza. And yet it’s a natural part of every relationship, romantic or not, and therefore unavoidable.

If you feel like you need some direct answers as to why you and your partner aren’t gelling, you’re sick of trying to read his mind all the time, or you can’t understand why you two aren’t communicating as you should, you’re certainly not alone.

The question is – how can you get what you need from this connection and from your partner without pulling away? Muitas vezes, quando nos sentimos frustrados, distanciamo-nos inadvertidamente e acabamos por magoar a pessoa de quem gostamos, talvez de forma permanente.

Se nos sentirmos pouco à vontade para exprimir as nossas necessidades, não o fazer não é de todo a resposta. There are effective ways to manage difficult conversations, so your bond can grow stronger rather than abruptly dissolving. Don’t let doubt take over.

Aprenda a ser assertivo sem ser demasiado agressivo, para que possa criar confiança no par e resistir até aos momentos mais difíceis.

As relações, pela sua própria natureza, podem ser assustadoras. Podem provocar uma montanha russa de emoções. O medo da perda de independência, do desgosto, de se perder a si próprio ou ao seu parceiro no processo, são todos muito reais. Isto porque não se pode controlar outra pessoa. Só se tem controlo sobre si próprio e sobre a sua metade do todo.

Learning to set boundaries is vital so others understand what you are willing to accept and what you’re not without being too forceful and pushing away.

It’s important to remember that no one, yourself included, is perfect, and you can’t expect to change anyone over time. Never enter into a relationship thinking you’ll be able to “fix” your partner’s flaws and everything will “eventually” be perfect. That’s simply not the case.

If there are things in the very beginning that you would consider to be red flags, walk away. Those things that gave you pause at the start aren’t likely to simply dissipate with time.

No entanto, pode deixar de ficar obcecado com o desconhecido melhorando a comunicação, em vez de se afastar sempre que sentir uma má vibração da outra pessoa. There may be things that come up which don’t sit well with you but aren’t necessarily significant enough to justify throwing in the towel. These are the things that can improve with healthy interaction.

By learning to stand your ground while being willing to listen to your partner’s side of the story and remaining open to compromise, you can build a solid foundation. This way you’re not always walking away, left alone, trying to figure out when that perfect person might show up.

It’s important to make time for some self-reflection, too. If you are always the one walking away feeling defeated and as if you’ll never find someone who will make you happy, you have to try to understand where this perspective is coming from.

Seja honesto consigo próprio e esteja disposto a reconhecer padrões pouco saudáveis que podem ser trabalhados para melhorar a sua vida romântica.

If you’ve recently entered into a new relationship and are having second thoughts, take the time to reflect on your current relationship and what you like and dislike about it. You can ask yourself the following to see if your connection is worth hanging onto or if it’s truly not right for you:

O que é que eu sinto por esta pessoa? Preocupo-me verdadeiramente com ela?
Serei eu a pessoa certa para ele?
Será que o quero fazer feliz?
Quando essa pessoa está feliz, isso faz-me feliz em troca?
Do I miss him when he’s gone?
Posso confiar nele?

If you have genuine feelings for this person but are still feeling as if you should walk away, ask yourself what’s missing. What’s lacking? What could be improved?

Se acha que pode melhorar as coisas se comunicar efetivamente com a outra pessoa, experimente.

If you’re stuck on something that you are not comfortable discussing, is this also something that you can live without? If not, and if your partner cannot offer it to you, maybe it truly is time to move on.

The bottom line is, all relationships take work, and some work better than others. However, you’ll have to stay open and honest with yourself.

If you’re always walking away, wondering when you’ll meet that perfect person who will make you happy indefinitely, is there something about yourself that is causing continual disappointment? Por vezes, uma maior compreensão de si próprio é tudo o que precisa para perceber como fazer com que uma ligação perdure.