Superare l'ignoto per far durare la vostra relazione

Forse la cosa più temuta nell'intraprendere una nuova relazione è l'inevitabilità di incertezza. And yet it’s a natural part of every relationship, romantic or not, and therefore unavoidable.

If you feel like you need some direct answers as to why you and your partner aren’t gelling, you’re sick of trying to read his mind all the time, or you can’t understand why you two aren’t communicating as you should, you’re certainly not alone.

The question is – how can you get what you need from this connection and from your partner without pulling away? Spesso, quando ci sentiamo frustrati, inavvertitamente prendiamo le distanze e finiamo per ferire la persona a cui teniamo, magari in modo permanente.

Se ci sentiamo a disagio nell'esprimere ciò di cui abbiamo bisogno, non farlo affatto non è certo la soluzione. There are effective ways to manage difficult conversations, so your bond can grow stronger rather than abruptly dissolving. Don’t let doubt take over.

Imparate a essere assertivi senza essere eccessivamente aggressivi, in modo da creare fiducia nell'accoppiamento e resistere anche nei momenti più difficili.

Le relazioni, per loro stessa natura, possono essere spaventose. Possono scatenare una montagna russa di emozioni. La paura di perdere l'indipendenza, di spezzare il cuore, di perdere se stessi o il proprio partner nel processo, sono tutte molto reali. Questo perché non si può controllare un'altra persona. Si ha il controllo solo su se stessi e sulla propria metà del tutto.

Learning to set boundaries is vital so others understand what you are willing to accept and what you’re not without being too forceful and pushing away.

It’s important to remember that no one, yourself included, is perfect, and you can’t expect to change anyone over time. Never enter into a relationship thinking you’ll be able to “fix” your partner’s flaws and everything will “eventually” be perfect. That’s simply not the case.

If there are things in the very beginning that you would consider to be red flags, walk away. Those things that gave you pause at the start aren’t likely to simply dissipate with time.

Si può smettere di essere ossessionati dall'ignoto migliorando la comunicazione, invece di allontanarsi ogni volta che si percepisce una brutta sensazione dall'altra persona. There may be things that come up which don’t sit well with you but aren’t necessarily significant enough to justify throwing in the towel. These are the things that can improve with healthy interaction.

By learning to stand your ground while being willing to listen to your partner’s side of the story and remaining open to compromise, you can build a solid foundation. This way you’re not always walking away, left alone, trying to figure out when that perfect person might show up.

It’s important to make time for some self-reflection, too. If you are always the one walking away feeling defeated and as if you’ll never find someone who will make you happy, you have to try to understand where this perspective is coming from.

Siate onesti con voi stessi e disposti a riconoscere gli schemi malsani su cui potete lavorare per migliorare la vostra vita sentimentale.

If you’ve recently entered into a new relationship and are having second thoughts, take the time to reflect on your current relationship and what you like and dislike about it. You can ask yourself the following to see if your connection is worth hanging onto or if it’s truly not right for you:

Cosa provo per questa persona? Tengo veramente a lui?
Sono la persona giusta per lui?
Voglio renderlo felice?
Quando questa persona è felice, mi rende felice a mia volta?
Do I miss him when he’s gone?
Posso fidarmi di lui?

If you have genuine feelings for this person but are still feeling as if you should walk away, ask yourself what’s missing. What’s lacking? What could be improved?

Se pensate di poter migliorare le cose comunicando efficacemente con l'altra persona, provateci.

If you’re stuck on something that you are not comfortable discussing, is this also something that you can live without? If not, and if your partner cannot offer it to you, maybe it truly is time to move on.

The bottom line is, all relationships take work, and some work better than others. However, you’ll have to stay open and honest with yourself.

If you’re always walking away, wondering when you’ll meet that perfect person who will make you happy indefinitely, is there something about yourself that is causing continual disappointment? A volte basta una maggiore comprensione di sé per capire come far durare un legame.