Um simples "desculpa" não pode mudar tudo o que me fizeste

I am a human being, not a robot. I don’t work on pressing the right buttons and I don’t have the ability of turning my emotions on and off the way you’d like me to.

I can’t snap my fingers and erase my memory or choose between the things I want to forget and the ones I want to remember.

I don’t have a magic wand which can make all of my emotional pain go away or which could erase my past, even though that is something I want more than anything.

So you must understand why I can’t aceitar as vossas desculpas, just like that. Why I can’t pretend as if nothing happened and as if you never made my life a living hell.

I am not telling you this because I don’t believe you—as much as I am apprehensive, you might really regret your mistakes.

Não estou a fazer isto para me vingar de ti ou para te dar uma lição para nunca mais brincares comigo.

I cannot accept your apology because deep in my heart, I know that I can’t forgive you for real.

Dar-te o meu falso perdão e absolver-te dos teus pecados, quando ainda guardo rancor por toda a dor que me fizeste passar, faria de mim hipócrita e em nada diferente de ti.

A verdade é que gostaria de recuperar a minha força e que gostaria de ser a pessoa maior e permitir-me perdoar-vos.

However, I wouldn’t like to do it to make things easier for you. Instead, I would like to accept your apology for my own sake.

Gostaria de te perdoar para me poder libertar deste ressentimento horrível e desta negatividade que ainda me consome vivo, mesmo muito depois de teres saído da minha vida.

Assim, poderia libertar-me deste desejo de vingança que continuo a tentar combater.

Nevertheless, that is something I can’t do, as much as I want to.

A simple, “I am sorry,” can’t make me forget all the nights I spent crying myself to sleep, all the humiliation I went through because of you or the feeling of abandonment I had when you left me hanging.

It can’t change the fact you enganado durante anos, enquanto me prometia a sua fidelidade eterna, que me manipulou para me culpar pelos seus erros e pelo facto de ter despedaçado o meu coração.

It can’t magically make me go back to being the girl I was before you broke me, nor can it erase the fact that you scarred me for life.

A simple, “I’m sorry,” won’t take back all the insults and lies you kept telling me for years.

It won’t make up for the fact that you always treated me like second best, while you were always my priority.

Your, “Sorry,” won’t give me back the years I wasted on you.

Os anos que desperdicei a justificar o teu comportamento de merda, a dar-te segundas oportunidades ou a esperar que te tornasses no homem que eu precisava que fosses.

It won’t erase the trauma you inflicted and it won’t change the fact that you made me think I was não foi feito para ser amado.

It won’t glue my broken heart back together and it won’t heal my wounded soul.

So, no, we can’t be friends and you can’t come back into my life just because you told me you are sorry. You don’t deserve my forgiveness and I can’t pretend like none of these things happened.

Don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve finally admitted your mistakes and that you’ve taken responsibility for your actions.

Nonetheless, a simple apology isn’t enough and can never make up for all the pain you’ve caused.

To be honest, I would be lying if I told you that I am sorry for the fact that you are consumed with guilt. Because you don’t deserve to sleep peacefully, thinking that you’ve done me no harm. You don’t deserve to continue living as if there doesn’t exist a woman whose life you’ve ruined.