A dor vai mostrar-te o verdadeiro significado do amor

Eu sei que parece perturbador, mas a verdade é que a dor vai mostrar-vos o verdadeiro significado do amor. Há um ano, depois de uma separação, olhei-me ao espelho e tentei encontrar uma coisa positiva no meu estado atual. Sentia-me infeliz, destroçada e indigna de ser amada.

Que tipo de pessoa faz isso? Que tipo de pessoa te faz sentir menos importante ou menos digno de amor? Tu. Tu foste a culpada pelo meu atual estado de miséria.

I didn’t want to go out for months. I only went over all of it again and again. It was so hard to go through all of those painful moments and find something that would answer my question:

Porquê eu?

O que é que eu fiz para merecer um tratamento tão desumano da vossa parte? Porque é que eu merecia estar a sofrer?

Maybe if I had treated you like shit, you would have treated me right. I guess I will never know. And I don’t even want to know it anymore.

Respirei fundo, segui os passos seguintes e comecei a resolver o puzzle.

PASSO 1:

Repeti várias vezes em voz alta: If I hadn’t been in love, I wouldn’t have been hurt! As simple as that. If I was to know that this would happen, I certainly wouldn’t have been with you.

But, I didn’t know. So, I cannot blame myself for what happened to me. It is not my fault or anyone else’s. It is just so.

Mas como é que posso ter a certeza de que afinal era amor? E se fosse apenas uma espécie de teste que temos de passar para sermos recompensados com algo maior?

After all, you cannot appreciate the good if you didn’t taste the bad. Maybe being hurt has more meanings than just one.

I wouldn’t mind if there are more meanings to it. I just want to be sure that all of this I’m going through is not for nothing.

PASSO 2:

Repeti a conclusão lógica seguinte: If I hadn’t been hurt, I wouldn’t be in pain. I mean, what kind of a conclusion is this? Of course if I hadn’t been hurt, I wouldn’t be in pain.

But, why do I have to be in pain? Why can’t I just be hurt and not go through all of that process of being in constant pain where I cannot eat, sleep nor live like a normal human being?

But what if being in pain is a process that I have to go through so that I can be prepared for something greater to come? It’s really hard to believe such thing, but I’ll give it a chance. What could I lose anyway?

I’ve already lost myself, and pain is the only thing that is reminding me of being human.

Preciso de aprender a trabalhar com a dor, a caminhar com a dor e a dormir com a dor.

I guess when the time comes, I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready for anything.

PASSO 3:

Fiquei um momento a pensar e tentei encontrar a minha próxima frase: If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t…Mas, o quê? O que é que a dor me pode trazer de bom? Depois apercebi-me, e rebentou como uma bolha:

If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t appreciate not being in pain!

If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t realize what a shitty person you were!

If I weren’t in pain, I wouldn’t realize the true meaning of love.

Agora tudo fazia sentido para mim. O verdadeiro amor é feito de respeito, compromisso e doação altruísta.

It is made of everything I haven’t experienced yet!

I’m no longer mad at you. I thank you for that.

Agradeço-te por me teres feito perceber que estava apaixonado por um significado distorcido de amor. Mas agora que sei o seu verdadeiro significado, nunca me contentarei com mais nada.