Un semplice "mi dispiace" non può cambiare tutto quello che mi hai fatto

I am a human being, not a robot. I don’t work on pressing the right buttons and I don’t have the ability of turning my emotions on and off the way you’d like me to.

I can’t snap my fingers and erase my memory or choose between the things I want to forget and the ones I want to remember.

I don’t have a magic wand which can make all of my emotional pain go away or which could erase my past, even though that is something I want more than anything.

So you must understand why I can’t accettare le sue scuse, just like that. Why I can’t pretend as if nothing happened and as if you never made my life a living hell.

I am not telling you this because I don’t believe you—as much as I am apprehensive, you might really regret your mistakes.

Non lo faccio per vendicarmi di te o per darti una lezione per non giocare mai più con me.

I cannot accept your apology because deep in my heart, I know that I can’t forgive you for real.

Dare il mio falso perdono a te e assolverti dai tuoi peccati quando ancora serbo rancore per tutto il dolore che mi hai fatto passare mi renderebbe ipocrita e in nessun modo diverso da te.

La verità è che vorrei raccogliere le mie forze e vorrei essere la persona più grande e permettermi di perdonarti.

However, I wouldn’t like to do it to make things easier for you. Instead, I would like to accept your apology for my own sake.

Vorrei perdonarti per potermi liberare da questo orribile risentimento e dalla negatività che mi sta ancora mangiando vivo, anche molto tempo dopo che hai lasciato la mia vita.

Così potrei liberarmi da questo desiderio di vendetta che continuo a cercare di allontanare.

Nevertheless, that is something I can’t do, as much as I want to.

A simple, “I am sorry,” can’t make me forget all the nights I spent crying myself to sleep, all the humiliation I went through because of you or the feeling of abandonment I had when you left me hanging.

It can’t change the fact you tradito Mi hai fatto credere per anni, promettendomi la tua eterna fedeltà, mi hai manipolato fino a farmi incolpare dei tuoi errori e del fatto che hai mandato in frantumi il mio cuore.

It can’t magically make me go back to being the girl I was before you broke me, nor can it erase the fact that you scarred me for life.

A simple, “I’m sorry,” won’t take back all the insults and lies you kept telling me for years.

It won’t make up for the fact that you always treated me like second best, while you were always my priority.

Your, “Sorry,” won’t give me back the years I wasted on you.

Gli anni che ho sprecato per giustificare il tuo comportamento di merda, per darti una seconda possibilità o per aspettare che diventassi l'uomo di cui avevo bisogno.

It won’t erase the trauma you inflicted and it won’t change the fact that you made me think I was non destinato ad essere amato.

It won’t glue my broken heart back together and it won’t heal my wounded soul.

So, no, we can’t be friends and you can’t come back into my life just because you told me you are sorry. You don’t deserve my forgiveness and I can’t pretend like none of these things happened.

Don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve finally admitted your mistakes and that you’ve taken responsibility for your actions.

Nonetheless, a simple apology isn’t enough and can never make up for all the pain you’ve caused.

To be honest, I would be lying if I told you that I am sorry for the fact that you are consumed with guilt. Because you don’t deserve to sleep peacefully, thinking that you’ve done me no harm. You don’t deserve to continue living as if there doesn’t exist a woman whose life you’ve ruined.