Así es como me casé con mi ex

Decidí llamar a mi ex después de tres años de silencio de radio. Pensé que era el momento adecuado para darnos el cierre apropiado que nunca tuvimos.

Nos separamos de una forma extraña y nunca pudimos seguir adelante. No salí con nadie más durante tres años. Tenía relaciones que se negó a etiquetar porque usaba a esas chicas para desahogarse y enfriar la rabia que tenía tras nuestra ruptura.

Until he found a girl that made him forget about me—or that’s what I thought at first.

I didn’t even have his numberAsí que le pedí a nuestro amigo común que me diera su número. Quería llamarlo y hablar de lo que habíamos tenido.

I wanted him to tell me why was he angry all the time and why couldn’t we manage to work it out.

Así que llamé y dejó que sonara. That night he didn’t pick up and I broke into million pieces. I thought he’d be happy to hear from me—the emotions should be cooling off by now.

My phone call wasn’t answered and I went to sleep beating myself up for thinking I meant something to him. I was hurt.

My heart was broken one more time and my ego… well, my ego was devastated. I thought I’d feel better if I’d just sleep it off.

Véase también: Gracias por no coger el teléfono cuando llamé

A la mañana siguiente mis sentimientos eran los mismos que la noche anterior. Me odiaba por haber llamado.

I hated myself for thinking he’d still smile upon seeing my name on the screen of his phone. Well, he was, but it turned out that I called at the wrong moment.

His fiance had his phone and she didn’t appreciate my call. That’s why it was left unanswered.

The moment he got a chance he wrote me a message. I felt he was mad but happy at the same time. That’s what we did to each other.

He was happy to see my name on the screen of his phone, but he was so mad to see it only after three years. I had no explanation for that—although, it’s not like my phone died from his missed calls.

Véase también: Cuando tu mayor amor se casa con su mayor amor

It was the most awkward talk I had until it wasn’t anymore. Una vez que la ira se desvaneció, entraron las emociones felices. Y Dios, era tan bueno recordar lo que teníamos.

Hablamos durante casi una hora hasta que decidió conducir 112 millas para verme. It was already night. I’d be lying if I said that I had seen this coming, but I’d be lying as well if I said I was surprised.

Solíamos hacer locuras así el uno por el otro. No había forma de convencerle de que no lo hiciera, así que me dejé llevar.

At first I couldn’t believe he drove all that distance just to see me. At some point, I thought he was just playing me. But he wasn’t.

Nunca fuimos así. Estaba muy nerviosa, aunque hice todo lo que pude para estar lo más guapa posible.

We both knew there wouldn’t be anything but the talk happening that night and yet, I had the need to look the best I could. I still don’t know if it was for me or for him.

En cuanto lo vi se me paró el corazón. I couldn’t believe it was him before my eyes. It was so real and I just wasn’t ready for it.

Yo estaba preparado y tuve las pelotas de llamarle para hablar por teléfono, pero él tuvo las agallas de presentarse en persona. Tenía tan buen aspecto como siempre.

It didn’t surprise me at all—what is your ex going to do after a breakup other than get better looking.

Mi primer instinto fue abrazarle y nos abrazamos. Fue un abrazo largo. Fue un abrazo de dos personas que se echaban de menos con locura.

He had the same smile he always had when he saw me. Nothing had really changed. I didn’t think it would have anyways.

I sat in the car and he drove us to the coffee shop out of the town. It was on top of a mountain—far away from anything that could cause our attention to wander from each other.

It was just me and him, and that’s what we needed that night. I sat next to him because I knew he was here with me—so why sit across the table?

Empezamos a hablar. Fue como con heridas de tres años, como si nunca hubiéramos roto.

Era tan real como si hubiéramos viajó en el tiempo but something in the back of my mind was telling me it wasn’t real.

We talked for hours. I didn’t look at my watch—not once. The time was irrelevant. It felt so good to sit next to him to talk and talk.

Sólo para sentarme y preguntarme qué habría pasado si yo hubiera sido un poco menos yo y él un poco menos él.

Me dijo que le había hecho daño. Me dijo que le había roto el corazón al elegir a todos los demás en vez de a él.

He told me he hasn’t been able to sleep peacefully all these years and that each time when he’d close his eyes, he’d see me.

He said that he found a girl that respects him and makes him feel he’s at home. He said he’s not mad at me anymore.

He also said that he understands why I did the things I did. He knows things can’t change between us and things are really just too different at this point in our lives. He pointed out that he’s happy I called and he can’t believe his eyes.

Nunca pensó volver a vernos así sentados uno al lado del otro. And then he pulled me closer and hugged me. I said I’m sorry for everything.

I said how I’d punished myself and told myself not to have anybody else next to me because of the things I did to him.

I thought I don’t deserve love and I don’t want to leave broken people behind me. I figured it out that I can’t love because that’s not what I was taught in life.

He said he’ll never love anybody the way he loved me and he loves me now—no matter how much time passes, no matter what distance and how many miles are between us.

Seguiré estando en su corazón y siendo su persona favorita en este mundo. Siempre supo quererme.

Siempre elegía las palabras adecuadas, pero a veces optaba por castigarme y hundirme sólo para sentirse mejor.

Necesitaba demostrarle a él y a todos los demás que I’m strong and that I’m independent. Entonces, nos dimos cuenta de que nos amábamos en un momento equivocado.

I couldn’t say I loved him even though I did—even though I do. I couldn’t do it because I’m still as broken as I was before.

I didn’t do it because I knew nothing would change by saying those words out loud.  So, I just smiled. I smiled because I didn’t want to ruin what he had with another girl.

I smiled because I knew if I said I loved him, he would try and give us another chance—and we’d blow that chance as well.

He asked me if I’d marry him. He said he’d leave everything in a second and run away with me.

He’d forget every single person in his life if I decided to stay with him. But I couldn’t do it—the same as I couldn’t kiss him. I know I’ll be sorry years from now since I’m sorry already.

But the girl he was with didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve to tie the rest of his life to a toxic person such as me.

Where I grew up, the phrase ‘I married someone’ has a double meaning. One is that I am the person that got married and the second one is that I made it possible for somebody to get married.

No, I wasn’t the one to get married. I wasn’t the one to wear white today. It was his fiancee. By saying ‘no’ to him, I made it possible for her to say ‘yes’ to him today. That’s how I married my ex.

I’m sorry for not giving you a happy-ending. I’m just not that type of a person.