Some people find themselves single because they’re protecting themselves—but sometimes, the walls are higher than they need to be.
Standards are healthy. Boundaries are important. But when you’re alone, frustrated, and still crossing people off for tiny things… it might not be about being “too picky.” It might be about guarding yourself so hard, no one gets in—even the good ones.
Here are 18 clues that the bar isn’t high—it’s impossible.
1. You eliminate someone over a typo in a text
One autocorrect and it’s game over. You might be focusing too much on perfection if a small typo in a text is enough to cross someone off your list. Sure, typos can be annoying, but they don’t define a person’s character or potential as a partner. Overlooking these minor mistakes might open up opportunities to get to know someone genuinely interesting.
Instead of focusing on minor imperfections, try appreciating the effort and intention behind the message. Everyone slips up now and then, and it’s usually not a sign of carelessness. Who knows, the person typing might have been nervous and excited to talk to you.
Allow yourself the grace to look beyond the screen, and you may find a delightful connection. After all, communication is about more than just words; it’s about understanding and empathy. So next time, give them a chance beyond the typo.
2. You ghost after one awkward joke
Not every sense of humor hits on day one. Awkward jokes happen, and they’re part of the charm of getting to know someone new. If you’re writing someone off after one comedic misstep, you may be missing out on a deeper connection.
Humor is subjective and often takes time to align between two people. It might take a few tries to find the right balance, but that’s part of the adventure in dating. Laughing at oneself is a wonderful trait, and it can bring people closer together.
Try giving them a chance to share more of their humor. It might grow on you, or you might discover shared interests you didn’t expect. Remember, even the most comedic geniuses have their off days. So why not see if their next joke tickles your funny bone?
3. You confuse “not instantly obsessed” with “not interested”
Chemistry sometimes builds, not bursts. If you’re expecting fireworks from the get-go, you might be overlooking the slow burn of genuine connection. Instant obsession isn’t always the hallmark of a great relationship; sometimes, it’s the gradual unfolding that leads to something lasting.
Take a moment to consider if you’re looking for a fantasy romance that might not exist. Real relationships often start with small sparks that grow into a warm, enduring flame. Give yourself and your date the grace to develop feelings naturally.
It’s about more than just a thrilling first encounter; it’s about building a foundation that can withstand the tests of life. So before you write someone off, ask yourself if there’s potential beyond the initial meeting. You might be surprised by what unfolds.
4. You expect them to read your mind on the first date
Spoiler: They can’t. Expecting someone to read your mind might be setting yourself up for disappointment. On a first date, communication is key, and assuming they should just know what you’re thinking can lead to unnecessary confusion.
Everyone brings their unique perspective to a new relationship, and it takes time to understand each other’s cues and signals. Mind-reading isn’t an option, but open dialogues are. Sharing your thoughts and feelings can lead to a more meaningful connection.
Instead of keeping expectations unspoken, try expressing what you’re looking for. It may feel vulnerable, but honesty opens the door to deeper understanding. So next time, let them in on your thoughts and see where the conversation leads.
5. You think every flaw means future chaos
Not everyone’s quirks are red flags. Seeing every flaw as a harbinger of chaos might be an overreaction. People are beautifully imperfect, and it’s those imperfections that make them unique. Rather than fleeing at the sight of a flaw, consider if it’s something you can accept or even appreciate.
Focusing too much on flaws can cloud your judgment and prevent you from seeing the wonderful attributes that someone has to offer. Remember, you have quirks too, and relationships are about mutual acceptance.
Try focusing on the positive traits that attracted you in the first place. Acceptance doesn’t mean ignoring real issues, but it does mean understanding the difference between a quirk and a dealbreaker. So, embrace a little chaos, and you might find a love that’s perfectly imperfect.
6. You assume different interests = incompatible
Not every hobby has to be shared. Assuming that different interests mean incompatibility might keep you from discovering how complementary differences can be. Diverse passions can enrich a relationship and provide opportunities to learn from each other.
Having varied interests can actually strengthen a relationship by keeping things dynamic and exciting. It allows each person to bring something unique to the table, fostering growth and understanding.
Instead of focusing on what’s different, appreciate the diversity. Embrace opportunities to dive into each other’s worlds, and you might find a new passion or simply enjoy the joy it brings to your partner. Relationships thrive on variety, and differences can be the spice that keeps things interesting.
7. You judge how they order food or chew
That might be your anxiety talking. Being overly critical about how someone orders food or chews might be a reflection of inner anxieties rather than the other person’s habits. It’s easy to nitpick when you’re nervous, but such trivial matters shouldn’t define a person’s suitability as a partner.
Dining together should be a pleasant experience, not a test. Focus on the conversation and shared experience rather than minute details that don’t truly matter. You might find that enjoying a meal together can be a bonding opportunity.
Let go of the small stuff and see past the chewing to the person across the table. They might have delightful stories or insights to share if you focus on what truly matters. Remember, dining is about connection, not critique.
8. You expect every conversation to be deep and magical
Even soulmates start with small talk. Expecting every conversation to be profound can set unrealistic standards and prevent you from enjoying the beauty of everyday dialogue. Not every chat needs to be life-changing to be meaningful.
Conversations are like an art form; they ebb and flow with the rhythm of life. Sometimes, the mundane discussions build the foundation for deeper connections. Appreciating these moments can lead to surprising insights and shared laughter.
Instead of seeking the extraordinary, enjoy the journey of getting to know someone through all the little talks. Over time, these small exchanges can weave a tapestry of understanding and respect. Revel in the simplicity, and you might find magic in the ordinary.
9. You end things if they don’t respond with the “right” emoji
Interpretation shouldn’t be this stressful. If you’re letting emojis dictate your dating decisions, it might be time to reassess. Emojis are meant to enhance communication, not replace it, and fixating on them can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings.
Communication is multifaceted, and emojis are just a small part of it. They can be fun and expressive but should never overshadow the words and sentiments behind a message. Looking beyond the digital symbols can open paths to more meaningful interactions.
Consider focusing on the overall tone and intention of the message rather than the specific icons used. You might discover common ground that’s more substantial than smiley faces. Relationships thrive on real connection, not just digital decorations.
10. You’ve rewritten your “list” so many times you can’t keep up
Your type might be fiction at this point. Constantly rewriting your list of must-have qualities might mean you’re chasing an impossible ideal. There’s nothing wrong with having standards, but if they’re ever-changing, you might be overlooking real possibilities.
Flexibility in what you seek can lead to unexpected discoveries. Real people have a mix of qualities and flaws that make them who they are. By focusing too strictly on a list, you might miss out on someone who could be a perfect fit in ways you never considered.
Embrace the unpredictability of human nature, and allow yourself to be surprised. Sometimes, the connections that defy expectations are the ones that last. So, set aside the lists and explore the unknown. You might find a connection that feels like home.
11. You compare real dates to fictional characters
TV is not reality—no matter how charming the script. Comparing real people to fictional characters can set them up for failure before they even begin. Characters are carefully crafted to appeal, but real people offer depth and authenticity that fiction can’t capture.
Letting go of fictional ideals opens the door to unique connections. Real relationships are filled with genuine emotions and experiences that can’t be scripted or edited. Embrace the quirks and imperfections that make someone real and relatable.
Allow yourself to be present with your date, appreciating them for who they truly are rather than who you wish they’d be. Life isn’t a TV show, but it can be filled with moments of genuine warmth and connection if you let it.
12. You expect to be “swept off your feet” immediately
Sometimes steady is better than swoon-y. Expecting to be swept off your feet right away might leave you waiting for something that never comes. Love doesn’t always announce itself with grand gestures; sometimes, it’s the quiet moments that matter most.
Real relationships grow from shared experiences, not just romantic declarations. Finding someone who is consistently there for you can be more valuable than momentary thrills. Enjoy the steady presence and let affection grow organically.
Instead of waiting for a fairy tale, appreciate the everyday acts of kindness and support. You might find that the love you’ve been searching for is quietly building all around you. Embrace the subtle joys, and you might discover the romance of real life.
13. You overanalyze every word, pause, or timing in a text
It’s not a puzzle. It’s a person. Overanalyzing every aspect of a message can turn dating into a stressful experience rather than an enjoyable journey. Texts are just one form of communication, and they shouldn’t be taken as the definitive gauge of someone’s intentions.
Consider the sender’s overall behavior and actions, which often speak louder than words. Relationships are complex, and pinning everything on a text might overlook more significant signs of interest and commitment.
Give yourself and your date room to breathe and communicate openly. It’s about building trust and understanding, not deciphering a code. Let go of the scrutiny, and you may find yourself more in tune with authentic connections.
14. You secretly believe they should just “know” how to love you
Clarity beats guessing. Assuming someone should inherently know how to love you can lead to unmet expectations and frustration. Every person has their own love language, and understanding each other requires communication and patience.
Expressing your needs and desires is key to fostering a healthy relationship. It might feel vulnerable, but it paves the way for genuine understanding and connection. Love isn’t about guessing games; it’s about sharing and growing together.
Open up the dialogue, and you might find your partner is eager to meet you halfway. By sharing openly, you build a partnership built on mutual respect and care. So, speak up and let love flourish in the light of honesty.
15. You write off someone for liking a different music genre
Spotify preferences ≠ personality flaws. If you’re dismissing someone based on their musical taste, you might be missing out on a wonderful companion. Music is a personal expression, and having different preferences doesn’t mean you’re incompatible.
Different tastes can introduce you to new sounds and experiences. Share playlists and explore each other’s favorite artists, and you might find common ground or discover something new to enjoy together.
Let music be a bridge rather than a barrier. Celebrate the diversity in your tastes, and you might uncover hidden harmonies in your relationship. After all, life’s a mixtape, and variety can make it more vibrant.
16. You get bored the second there’s emotional availability
That “spark” might be unresolved trauma. If you find yourself losing interest when someone shows vulnerability, it might be worth exploring why. Emotional availability is a cornerstone of lasting relationships, and shying away from it could mean missing out on deep connections.
Thrill-seeking in relationships might mask a fear of true intimacy. Consider if past experiences are influencing your current expectations and if they’re serving your true desires.
Embrace the opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Emotional availability isn’t a lack of excitement; it’s an invitation to build something real. Explore those feelings, and you might discover a bond that transcends initial sparks, offering profound fulfillment.
17. You turn one awkward moment into a full character judgment
First impressions aren’t final edits. If one awkward moment is enough to make you dismiss someone entirely, you may be overlooking the potential for growth and understanding. Awkwardness is human and often a sign of two people finding their footing together.
Allow room for mistakes and missteps, as they’re part of the learning process. An awkward moment can lead to shared laughter and connection if you approach it with grace and humor.
Embrace the imperfection, and you might find a genuine connection waiting on the other side. It’s not about erasing awkwardness but dancing through it together, creating memories along the way.
18. You’re terrified of being hurt—so you reject first
It’s not pickiness. It’s protection. If you find yourself rejecting others before they have a chance to get close, it might be rooted in a fear of vulnerability. Protecting yourself from potential hurt is understandable, but it can also prevent you from experiencing genuine affection.
Consider if past experiences are influencing current behavior, and if they’re hindering rather than helping. Opening up might feel risky, but it’s also the path to meaningful connections.
Give yourself permission to be vulnerable, and you might find that the risk of hurt is outweighed by the reward of love. It’s about finding balance and allowing yourself to explore the possibility of joy.