Cómo cortejar a una mujer en 12 pasos eficaces

Aunque puedas pensar que cortejar es cosa del pasado, lo cierto es que muchos hombres de hoy en día se preguntan cómo cortejar a una mujer correctamente. 

It’s actually pretty expected; we’ve gotten cansado de las citas modernas and all the games it brings with it so most of us want the real deal. It seems that we’ve reached full circle. 

Everyone interested in courtship knows its numerous benefits. If you’re one of those people, you’re aware that this is one of the best ways to find your spouse, as outdated as it might seem.

Entonces, ¿cómo cortejar a una mujer exactamente? Tenemos todas las respuestas que necesitas. Aquí tienes una guía paso a paso del cortejo. 

Reconocer las diferencias entre salir y cortejar

En primer lugar, hay que saber que noviazgo y cortejo son dos términos diferentes. Básicamente, el cortejo es una forma más tradicional de salir con alguien.

Simply put, when you engage in dating someone, you don’t know where it will take you. You live day to day, without thinking much about the future. 

This is just another station along your way. It can be permanent but it’s more likely to be something temporal.

You won’t remember most women you dated once you grow old. They’re there to pass the time, make your life more interesting and help you wait for the right one.

On the other hand, courtship is a full stop. It’s a final destination and something with a bigger purpose and a deeper cause. 

Cuando sales con más personas, les das a cada una de ellas pedazos de tu corazón y de tu cuerpo.

Una vez que rompes una relación, una parte de ti se ha quedado para siempre en esa persona que ya no está en tu vida.

Nevertheless, courtship differs because it’s the only way you have to give yourself entirely, physically, emotionally and spiritually to one person only. 

Además de las diferencias de propósito, el noviazgo y las citas no son lo mismo cuando se trata de las personas implicadas. En primer lugar, cuando cortejas a una mujer, esa relación es siempre monógama. 

You’re not here to explore your options and you don’t alternate between girls. Instead, both your attention and theirs is directed toward the two of you.

Sin embargo, en el cortejo hay otras personas implicadas. Tu noviazgo no es un secreto y toda tu comunidad y círculos religiosos, especialmente tus padres y familiares cercanos, lo saben. 

Además, al contrario que las citas, el noviazgo es mucho más que satisfacer necesidades físicas. De hecho, una de sus características básicas es tu capacidad para resistir la tentación que nos rodea. 

La devoción es obligatoria

Si planeas cortejar a una mujer, ten en cuenta que de ti se esperan cosas como compromiso y devoción. Debes dedicarte por completo a tu relación y a ella, ya que se trata de un trabajo a tiempo completo.

Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not saying that your life should stop just because you’ve decided to court a girl. However, she should definitely become the center of your world.

It’s wrong to assume that it’s acceptable to make this woman your second choice. Instead, she needs to get the place at the top of your priority list from the very start.

Después de todo, ¿de qué otra forma le demostrarás que quieres un compromiso serio? ¿De qué otra forma esperas que confíe en ti?

Let’s be straight about one thing—you won’t get the woman you want just like that. She won’t fall right into your arms the moment she realizes that you’re courting her.

Instead, you’ll need to invest some time, energy and effort into all of this. So, if this is not something you’re ready to do, please give up in time. 

When you’re figuring out how to court a woman, you have to be honest with yourself and determine whether you’re capable of being devoted to just one woman.

¿Puede comprometerse a cortejar a su posible pareja?

Another thing to remember is that you’re courting one girl at a time. Even though you’re technically not together, your fidelity cannot be questioned. 

El matrimonio es tu objetivo final

When you start dating someone, you don’t think about the future much. You vivir día a día y ver a dónde te lleva.

You don’t know whether this will even become a real relación seriay mucho menos si se convertirá en una compañía para toda la vida. 

Sin embargo, el noviazgo es muy diferente. Desde el principio tienes un objetivo final: el matrimonio.

The truth is that nobody can guarantee you that you’ll really end up casarse con the woman you’re courting. After all, you still have to get to know each other and figure out whether you’re compatible or not.

Nadie puede asegurarte que tu relación vaya a funcionar. No obstante, lo importante es que tengas la intención de convertirla en matrimonio.

Everything between you and the woman you’re courting leads to this final step. 

You’re not investigating other options while you’re with her. Instead, from day one, you’re both preparing to walk down the aisle. 

Por ejemplo, puede que lleves años saliendo con una chica. Sin embargo, nunca se te ha pasado por la cabeza la idea de casarte con ella, así que nunca te has hecho las preguntas adecuadas.

Nunca te preguntaste qué clase de esposa sería, nunca hablasteis de vuestra vida juntos, ni de tener hijos. 

Por lo tanto, después de tanto tiempo pasado con ella, no tienes ni idea de sus objetivos vitales. Nunca abordasteis ningún tema serio y solo os lo pasabais bien. 

Por otro lado, miras a esta mujer con otros ojos desde el primer momento en que la conoces.

En lugar de, por ejemplo, poner el foco en su cuerpo, prestas atención a si es una alto valor mujer y material de esposa o no.

Lo mismo ocurre a la inversa. En lugar de impresionar a esa chica con tus habilidades como jugador, te esfuerzas por demostrarle que serías un marido y un padre estupendo. 

Sé el que inicia todo

Even though you are (and should be) for equality, when it comes to courting, you’re the man so please, don’t forget to act like one. 

No, I’m not saying that your girl should be submissive to you in any way. This doesn’t mean that she has fewer rights than you do or that your opinion counts more.

Vosotros dos sois y seréis socios y nadie está subordinado a la otra persona.

However, you’re the one who decided to court her. Therefore, you have to show your alpha qualities and be the leader of this game. 

I won’t lie to you; courage is necessary here. You’ll get nowhere if you let your insecurities take over you or if you let your nervous side prevent you from approaching this girl.

Como hombre, tienes que ser tú quien inicie todo.

You’re the one who will ‘pick’ the girl you’re about to court, the one who will ask for her number, the one who will ask her out and arrange the perfect primera cita. 

Later, you’ll be the one who will suggest taking your relationship to the next level and, finally, the one who will make a marriage proposal. 

However, this doesn’t mean that you can do everything your way, without waiting for this girl’s approval.

Even though you’re carrying most of the weight, you still need her feedback and, most importantly, consent. 

The trick is to read in-between the lines and figure out this girl’s hints. As a real lady, she’ll never make an actual move but she will definitely subtly show you her desires. 

What I’m trying to tell you is that you have to be wise enough to see whether this girl is ready for the next step.

For example, you won’t ask her to marry you out of the blue unless you see that she is willing to become your wife. 

Expresa tus sentimientos a la mujer de tus sueños

Las señales contradictorias se han convertido en la norma de las citas modernas. Te haces el difícil y finges no estar interesado en alguien que claramente te gusta para que acabe pensando en ti y te corresponda.

Suena complicado y completamente innecesario, ¿verdad? Lamentablemente, así es como funcionan las cosas hoy en día.

You’re considered too emotional if you happen to show your feelings. If you open your heart to another party, you’re giving them a chance to break it without any consequences.

Básicamente, todo el panorama moderno de las citas se basa en suposiciones. Tienes que leer la mente y adivinar si tu pareja potencial está enamorada de ti o no.

Todo se convirtió en un gran juego. Consequently, couples don’t enjoy the initial stages of their relationship. Instead, the only thing important here is who will beat whom.

Quién será el primero en caer fulminado y quién será el primero en admitir su derrota. 

You spend most of your time dissecting the other person’s words and actions. You try to outsmart them and ganarles en su propio juego.

Naturally, all of this exhausts you. If you play along, it turns you into someone you’ve never been. 

La buena noticia es que puede olvidarse de todas estas prácticas a la hora de cortejar.

There are no mind games, no mixed signals, no dissecting the other person’s texts or social media, no wondering where you stand.

De hecho, aquí todo está muy claro desde el principio. Como hombre, debes ser completamente sincero sobre tus sentimientos e intenciones desde el primer momento.

All of this is pointless if you’re too afraid to approach this girl. Don’t let her wonder what you want from her or whether you’re courageous enough to take it.

The most important thing here is to tell her directly that you want to court her. Tell her that you’re not interested in typical dating and that you want both of you to know where you stand. 

Sin embargo, cuando declares tu amor a la mujer de tus sueños, abstente de utilizar un lenguaje emocional fuerte. No es necesario cortejarla ni introducir palabras dulces desde el principio.

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Sólo tengo ojos para ella

I can’t emphasize this enough; courting is strictly monogamous so this doesn’t include dating more than one woman.

De hecho, significa que debes tener tus ojos sólo para ella, incluso si ustedes dos están en un relación a distancia.

No hay que mirar a otras chicas, ni enviarles mensajes de texto, ni explorar tus opciones ni flirtear con nadie. 

You see, when it comes to courting, the term ‘fidelity’ has a slightly different concept than in dating. 

No, you won’t allow your partner to be possessive, nor will you erase the entire life you had before her.

Nevertheless, in courtship, you can’t use your ex to make her jealous, nor can you use an online dating app, which is sadly a common scenario in modern dating. 

You’re taken even though you two still might not be in an official relationship. So you better act that way. 

The woman you’re courting has to feel special. She needs to know that she is unique to you and that you wouldn’t trade her for the primera mujer que muestre algún interés por ti. 

Tiene que saber que prefieres estar soltero que con cualquier otra chica aparte de ella. Que ella no es sólo tu primera sino tu única opción. 

The worst thing you can do here is compare your woman to some other girls. Don’t try making her feel insecure and don’t try acting like a player. 

If you plan on courting more than one woman at a time and expect them to fight for your love and attention, think again because you’re in the wrong place. 

It’s crucial for her to know that you respect her enough never to betray her. Courting doesn’t allow you to go behind your woman’s back or to make a fool out of her.

If it happens that you fall for some other woman or see that things between you two aren’t working, act like a real man and leave in time. Don’t wait until you find a backup plan to escape this courtship scheme.

Trust me, this is the only honest thing to do. The only way in which you’ll show enough respect for the woman next to you. 

Everything else makes you an immature boy who doesn’t know what he wants. It makes you a part of the crowd, despite your desire to stand out from all of her other suitors. 

Hazte amigo

Una de las mayores pesadillas de todos los tíos es verse atrapado en el friendzone. I won’t lie to you, it really is awful.

There you are, fighting for a girl’s affections and doing everything you can to make her happy and show her that you’re the perfect guy for her.

On the other hand, she only sees you as a friend. She wastes time on different suitors, complaining that she can’t find the right one.

During all of this time, you’re right in front of her face. She even says that she would be happiest if she could have a novio like you, as if you don’t exist. 

Knowing all of this, all dating advice will tell you that you should in no way become friends with the girl you like. Instead, you should go after her right away, otherwise you’ll remain in the friendzone forever. 

Bueno, el truco del cortejo es que empieza con un tipo de amistad y desinterés. No se trata de una amistad normal.

En su lugar, the woman you’re courting knows your intentions from the start. However, neither of you wants to rush things.

You choose to lead your relationship slowly and that’s why you’ll become friends before anything else. 

Naturally, you won’t become this woman’s best friend in a way that she’ll ask for your advice regarding other guys or that you should help her put makeup on.

In fact, you will be each other’s confidant and biggest supporter. 

Además de intentar averiguar si you’re compatible con esta chica o no, tu objetivo debe ser que ella también confíe en ti y esto sólo es posible a través de la amistad. 

You need to show her that you’re a real man she can count on. A man who will be there to have her back, no matter what, and someone she can rely on in every possible situation. 

Actuar como un caballero

Lately, the terms gentleman and lady have lost their importance. When you’re hitting on a girl, you don’t watch your language or manners. 

Well, that is quite different when it comes to courting. In fact, when you’re wondering how to court a woman, being a gentleman is one of the first responses you’ll get.

Don’t worry, this doesn’t make you old-fashioned or one of those overly conservative people. No matter what a bunch of girls might say, trust me that most women dream of having a gentleman by her side. 

El primer rasgo de todo caballero es el respeto. Siempre tienes que respetar a tu dama y darle el lugar que se merece en tu vida.

However, you won’t only respect her and the people you love. You’ll have enormous respect for literally everyone you encounter, including your employees or serving staff. 

Sólo así podrás exigir el mismo trato a los demás. 

El siguiente punto es tu higiene, que debe estar en perfecto orden en todo momento. Olvídate de la idea errónea de que cuidarse está reservado solo a las mujeres.

Trust me—this couldn’t be further from the truth. Take regular showers, use body sprays and perfumes, brush your teeth and make sure you’re always dressed for the occasion.

Show this woman that you’re a man of your word. Make her understand that you’re someone who keeps his promises and that your actions always match your words. 

Otra cosa con la que hay que tener mucho cuidado es con el lenguaje. No hay lugar para blasfemias, sean cuales sean las circunstancias.

I know you might get angry but that doesn’t give you the right to insult anyone around you or to curse. Remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s always wiser to remain quiet. 

Lo siguiente en la lista son tus modales. Hay algunas normas básicas de etiqueta que todo caballero tiene que seguir.

First and foremost, you have to hold the door open for your lady. It doesn’t matter whether you’re entering a restaurant or a car; this is always your job.

Also, make sure you’re never late. If you can’t make it on time, call your date, apologize and make sure this doesn’t become a habit of yours. 

Cuando llegues a un restaurante o a una cafetería, deja que sea ella quien se siente primero. No solo eso, sino que le acerques una silla y le ayudes a quitarse el abrigo.  

When you two are eating together, follow some basic table manners. Keep your elbows off the table, don’t talk while you’re eating, give her a chance to order first, pour her drinks and get the check. And don’t forget to surprise her with cuentos románticos para dormir. 

Impresionar a su familia

Lo que hace que el cortejo sea especialmente serio es que incluye tanto a los miembros de tu familia como incluso a tus mejores amigos y círculos religiosos.

Tu trabajo no consiste sólo en impresionar a la mujer de tus sueños, también tienes que hacerlo con las personas importantes para ella. 

At first glance, you might wonder why this is necessary. After all, you’re not in love with her family members but with her.

However, this way, the girl knows that you’re ready for a committed relationship.

As long as you are willing to stand in front of her dearest ones, you definitely won’t have the courage to play with her or drag her along.

Besides, a girl who is into courtship doesn’t make all of her decisions alone. In fact, she has a father or a mentor who is much more experienced than her. 

These are the people who can see the situation much more objectively. They’re not guided by the emotions they feel for you and therefore can see the bigger picture. 

Therefore, they can determine whether you’re a hombre de alto valor or not. They went through all of these courtship stages and are able to determine whether you’re suitable for their daughter. 

Basically, the best thing you could do here is contact the woman’s father and ask for his permission to court her.

Tell him everything about yourself and promise him that you’ll take excellent care of his daughter. 

However, it’s important for you to already be certain that the woman wants you. Otherwise, you’ll get yourself in an uncomfortable situation if she doesn’t accept your offer but her father does. 

Planifique sus fechas con detalle

Lately, there’s nothing strange about asking a girl to come over out of the blue.

You might be drunk and bored and you’ll just text a bunch of girls, asking them if they need company and spend the night with the first woman who gives you a positive response.

Basically, there are not that many real dates anymore. You’ll meet a girl at a club, you’ll go for a ride, grab something to eat and end up at your place.

This is another thing different in courting. If you’re wondering how to court a woman successfully, you’ll have to plan each one of your dates with special care.

Preste especial atención a su primera cita. Investiga bien su personalidad e intenta averiguar hacia dónde le gustaría ir.

A crowded club or a sports game are not options. Instead, consider taking her to a proper restaurant where she’ll feel respected and appreciated. 

Be direct when you ask her out for the first time. Don’t invite her to ‘hang out’, like it’s something casual. Instead, tell the woman and the woman’s father that you would like to take her out to dinner.

Be precise about the time when you’ll pick her up and, more importantly, about the hour in which you’ll return home. 

When you go to get her, don’t expect her to wait for you in the middle of the street. Instead, knock on the door and introduce yourself to her family.

This way, they’ll be certain that she is in good hands and that they have nothing to worry about. 

Also, when you’re taking her home, don’t forget to escort her to the front door. Kiss her hand, thank her for the great time you had and say hi to her family once more.

They’ll all see that you’re a man of good manners and will be impressed by your behavior.

Si su primera cita es cenar en un restaurante, piensa en una idea diferente para la siguiente. Usa tu imaginación y planifica todo con cuidado.

No matter whether you’re in a long-term relationship or not, please, never pick her up just to ask her where she wants to go or if she has any suggestions.

You’re the one courting her and it’s your job to win her over. 

Pues bien, ésta es una forma segura de hacerlo con mayor eficacia. 

Cortejarla en lugares públicos

Independientemente del tipo de cita que elijas, asegúrate siempre de que sea en grupo. 

At first, you can even go on double dates with her friends. This way, you’ll show her that you’re interested in her life, that the people who matter to her are important to you as well. 

Además, despejará la tensión. Se sentirá más cómoda viéndote delante de otras personas antes de conocerte mejor.

Además, esto es crucial porque te da la oportunidad de demostrar que tus intenciones son honestas y que quieres un compromiso serio y un relación duradera. 

When you go out in public places, she won’t suspect that you’re hiding her from the rest of the world. You’re obviously available for a serious relationship and there are no obstacles to your partnership. 

Abstenerse de demasiado afecto físico

Otra diferencia significativa entre las citas y el cortejo radica en el afecto físico. Los que se dedican a las citas están acostumbrados al primer beso sucediendo en la primera cita o incluso en el momento en que se conocen. 

Sleeping together is also not strange. You don’t have to be in a serious relationship to wake up next to your partner. 

However, courtship doesn’t work that way. In fact, it is usually reserved for more conservative people who abstain from too much physical affection.

What you need to have in mind is that in this scenario, you’ll be getting the whole package. Don’t expect to get a girl’s body without her mind and heart as well. 

Some couples wait to kiss or to be intimate until they’re certain that they’re in a relación seria.

They spend some time getting to know each other and wait until they’re completely sure about their emotions. 

They don’t sleep around and they don’t even put themselves in the way of temptation to do so. In fact, they connect the urge to be intimate with their feelings. 

What I’m trying to say here is that the girl you’re courting won’t even find you attractive unless she really falls in love with you.

She may consider you a handsome man but she won’t have the urge to hug you or hold you in her arms until she grows to love you. 

On the other hand, some couples save their first kiss for their wedding day. This way, they’re certain that the only person they ever share something physical with is their spouse. 

Either way, the important thing here is to respect the woman’s physical boundaries and demand her to do the same. Actually, it’s all a part of your mutual agreement. 

Whatever you do, make sure not to push the woman too hard. Don’t pressure her into doing something she’s not ready for.

Also, don’t forget to be careful about your lenguaje corporal. Si los dos estáis de acuerdo en algo, lo peor que puedes hacer es aprovechar cualquier oportunidad para romper ese acuerdo.

Don’t sit too near her, don’t use every chance you get to touch her and don’t try to kiss her if you decided to wait for your first kiss.

Puede que todo esto te parezca demasiado complicado, pero créeme, es una forma fantástica de conocer a la persona de tu vida. 

De hecho, hay numerosos historias de éxito de hombres que también intentaban averiguar cómo cortejar a una mujer y se preguntaban si esto era lo auténtico para ellos. 

Just follow these steps and I assure you that you’ll be more than content with the result.